The Other Secret Invasion: Millennium #8

Long, long ago—maybe eight or nine months ago, although it seems like it's been years—I noticed that the basic plot of Brian Michael Bendis and Leinil Francis Yu's Secret Invasion story sounded a lot like the basic plot of DC's 1988 hostile-aliens-invade-Earth-by-infiltrating-the-heroes storyline, Millennium (Not that the observation was unique to me or anything; anyone who's read Millennium probably had the exact same reacation). And I thought, Hey, maybe it would be fun to re-read an issue of Millennium each week I read an issue of Secret Invasion, and publish an examination of it.

Well, as it turned out, it wasn't much fun of at all, and, after a certain point, it became kind of a waste of time, given that DC actually took my advice and published a trade of Millennium for the express purpose of saying, Hey, comics readers! Marvel's biting off our worst story ideas from 20 years ago!

But, at that same point, I didn't want to give up. Who wants to be known as The Guy Who Wrote Five Really Long Posts About Millennium Then Gave Up, instead of The Guy Who Wrote A Really Long Post About Each Issue Of Millennium. Having come so far, how could I abandon my quest to make EDILW the Internet's number one source for disucssion of DC's 1988 weekly series Millennium? (Shit; I just googled "Millennium, 'DC Comics'" and EDILW is only the seventh site to come up. Perhaps this was all for naught...)

So here it is! The very last post about the very last issue of Millennium! And then I'll put these crumbling yellow comics back into their cardboard coffin and never see them again.

So here we are at Millennium #8, “The Rising and Advancing of Ten Spirits.”


In the last issue, we saw that the Manhunters were defeated on earth after Earth’s “heroes” had destroyed their planet and murdered every last one of them, the lost space heroes successfully returned to earth, it was revealed that Booster Gold had secretly invaded the Manhunters… what’s left to resolve? Oh yeah, all that boring New Age-y business about the ethnic stereotypes who are to guide humanity into “The Millennium.”

We open outside Hal Jordan’s condo, where the heroes have all gathered to form an aisle for some sort of wedding or graduation type ceremony:

“They’e ready for ya now!” Kilowog says, and rushes to push play on an off-panel boombox that will play “Pomp and Circumstance.”

Writer Steve Englehart starts out with the weirdest narration box: “See, it’s an extraordinary day in the DC Universe…!”

Is it? Oh, we’ll see about that.

The Immortals, now rapidly aging because, well just because, recap just what the hell’s going on here,

and then it’s time to start passing out superhero powers and makeovers.

First up is Xiang. Herupa shoots green light out of his forehead and Nadia shoots violet light out of her head, and the result is that Xiang is no longer Xiang, but

Here’s the saddest part of this issue and, indeed, this whole series. Look closely at Gloss’ name there. Not only does she get her own special logo, but there’s a teeny little “TM” after it. DC trademarked Gloss. They were so confident that they had the next Wonder Woman on their hands, or at least the next Infinity Inc. character, that they went and put a TM after her name. They do this with all of The Chosen, who will all become pretty terrible superheroes.

“It’s-- --Clarity! Power! Sleek Sensation!” Xiang shouts, and explains that the Chinese know feng-shui, and that she can draw power from the earth’s dragon-lines, power and “sinuous skill!”

Betty points out to the others that Gloss said “the Chinese,” as if she herself were no longer Chinese, and they immediately catch on.

I know I’ve said this before but man, Gregorio is just. So. Gay.

I know there are supposedly more and bigger name gay superheroes in the DCU now, but have we really come that far? Renee Montoya, Obsidian and Batwoman may be gay, but add all three of them together and they’re still not half as gay as Gregorio.

This Xiang-to-Gloss sequence establishes a pattern that most of the book will follow. The Chosen say some nice things to one another, one of them walks up for the green and violet ray blast and they become a lame-ass superhero. They then explain their powers, and some DC superheroes strain to make some connection between themselves and the new guys, while cosmic onlookers from around the universe throw in their two cents worth (Here, some Greek goddesses on Olympus say “Diana’s involvement in man’s world has borne its first fruit!” while the Parliament of Trees talk about The Green and Woodrue.

Next up, is Takeo:

who, as his new codename suggests, now has computer-y powers. “Fields link—Data spiral through the ether —through my fingers —for me —Random Access Memory!”

Then Gregorio,

who is somehow made even gayer.

This is the face of gay superheroes in 1988:


Extrano explains his powers—“I’m a witch!”—while The Phantom Stranger stands atop a rock, making puns to himself.

"Somewhither?"

Betty becomes

the earth, I guess? She’s not really a superhero per se, but a funny looking globe symbolizing the planet and providing a connection with Gregorio.

Celia gets taller, bustier, hip-ier and more scantily clad to become

Huh, the same thing happened to Xiang, actually.

Next up is Tom Kalamaku, but he decides to take a pass, and explains that it’s basically because his wife has been nagging him all miniseries and the dude is totally pussy-whipped:

Hal understands, and takes the opportunity to slur Tom’s ethnicity for the 5,000th time in his life:

As an aside, I prefer when Hal’s mask has the eyes pupil-less white triangle, a la Batman’s. Something about his mask really creeps me out otherwise:

See? Creepy.

Since Tom is such a baby about the whole thing the Immortals pick Harbinger as his replacement, but she bolts, so they give Tom his power in latent form, to protect him from fat white racist South African guy who washed out of the enlightenment program. He is determined to get his revenge:

Their task done, the Immortals drop dead.

Sick of this shit, Superman and the real superheroes decide that since their hosts have died, they don’t have to feel compelled to stay any more and get ready to bolt, but not before Batman and Brainwave each make a pass at Jet:

And then the old superheroes all take off in a pretty cool splash panel that Staton unfortunately laid out diagonally so I can’t scan it in its entirely:

And we get a final, posed panel of the new super team:

And that's the last anyone would ever see of these new superheroes.

The end.



Previously:
The Other Secret Invasion: Millennium #1
The Other Secret Invasion: Millennium #2
The Other Secret Invasion: Millennium #3
The Other Secret Invasion: Millennium #4
The Other Secret Invasion: Millennium #5
The Other Secret Invasion: Millennium #6
The Other Secret Invasion: Millennium #7

The Other Secret Invasion: Millennium #7

Marvel’s Secret Invasion has entered its seventh month, which means it’s time to look back on DC’s twenty-year-old version of the story.

While this is the penultimate issue of the series, it is in actuality the climax of the story. This is the issue in which the forces of good (the DC superheroes) and the forces of evil (the space android cult) resolve their conflict though a big fight, while the eighth and final issue of Millennium is reserved for the most excruciatingly embarrassing twenty-two pages in DC Comics history, setting up a brand-new super-team composed of brand-new superheroes who will all be ignored and forgotten in a matter of months.

But that’s next issues; let’s look at Millennium #7, once again written by Steve Englehart and drawn by Joe Staton and Ian Gibson, who managed to draw a whole comic book miniseries all by themselves, without needing guest-artists, teams of emergency inkers, or shipping delays. And remember, it was a weekly! They sure knew how to work ahead at DC back in the ‘80s…

The action starts out in outer space, where the Manhunter Kill Krew composed of Superman, Martian Manhunter, The Hawks, a handful of Green Lanterns and the rest are giving Dr. Fate shit for his inability to magically teleport them all back to Earth. The last time we saw this squad, they were almost all dead, their souls being stored within Superman and Hal Jordan, so apparently their situation improved in one of the tie-ins.

The most worried of the heroes is Harbinger, who feels that Earth is still under threat form the Manhunters, even though they had destroyed the Manhunter home world. In an act of desperation, she teleports away, causing Hal Jordan’s teenage girlfriend Arisia to remark, “You never told me she could do that, Hal!”

Dr. Fate, who is not Hal, responds anyway: “The Millennium is a time of evolution for many.”

I know from experience that Dr. Fate speaks the truth. It was between 1999 and 2000 that my hair evolved from thinning to straight-up bald, and it was also around that time that I evolved wisdom teeth.

As it turns out, Harbinger is right! Earth is still in danger from the Manhunters, as the rest of the heroes decided last issue that perhaps the Manhunters have a base in the center of the earth.

They’ve assembled into some kinda crazy bathysphere ship that looks like a giant mine to get there:
The plan is to use this experimental craft of Blue Beetle’s to descend underwater into the Mariana Trench, then into a volcano, then through the bottom of the volcano (Is this geologically sound comic book-scripting?) and then storm the Manhunter HQ.

Blue Beetle and Mr. Miracle banter about whether or not the ship can survive the stresses, which is why it seems so weird to me that Bones is smoking:
I don’t know if it’s outright dangerous to smoke in an experimental submersible craft or not, but, at the very least, it’s gotta be rude, right?

The craft hold together, and our heroes find themselves in some sort of artificial atmosphere, right above a hidden base. Harbinger appears before the heroes, to be given a stupid nickname by Brainwave:
And while they storm Manhunter base, the immortals are teaching their chosen ones tai chi, and they themselves are suddenly aging quite rapidly.

Note Nuklon up there in the upper right corner. JSA fans know that he changed his name to Atom-Smasher and started wearing a full face-mask, presumably to honor his ancestor, The Atom. This is not true at all. He actually changed his name because “Nuklon” is a pretty stupid name, and he covers his face out of shame, for having gone out in public like this for so long:
Tom Kalamaku being one of the chosen has caused quite a rift in his relationship with his family. Over his shoulder, he catches his wife watching him do tai chi and crying, leading to this dramatic exchange:
Back underground, John Stewart shushes his comrades,
and prepares to subtly, stealthily, scope out the situation
by conjuring up a giant, glowing green ear.

What does he hear? Only that the Manhunters have a doomsday device that they’re prepared to detonate as a last resort! If they can’t own the earth, they’ll destroy it completely!

Just then, the heroes are discovered by Manhunter guards, and a battle ensues, sending them crashing through the roof and into the thick of the Manhunters.

Here’s Batman, wearing his special white android ass-kicking left boot:
Among the Manhunter androids are some of their allies, like Booster Gold, who betrayed the heroes, and the android Pan, who had infiltrated the Greek pantheon.

Capturing Pan is Wonder Woman’s assigned task, and she opens with a flying scissor lock:
When Pan tries to bolt, she lassos him with her unbreakable lariat and hangs on tight as he tries to running away, and
she cuts himself in half!

Hardcore, Wonder Woman.

Here’s a whole page of the fight. Note the exciting jumble of panel shapes:
Englehart and company try giving us little snapshots of the characters in each of these panels.

The Mike Grell Green Arrow is kind of ashamed of being a superhero instead of a realistic urban vigilante, but he still finds shooting arrows at robots thrilling, Mr. Miracle is colorful, Aquaman can’t shut up about what percentage of the earth is his own personal property (This is the second time in this very issue he’s noted that), and so on.

On doomsday device guarding duty is Booster Gold, and he and his Manhunter allies face off against some Leaguers and Infinitors, which is what people actually called the member of Infinity Inc.:
Man. How many times has the “out of your league” joke been made in DC comics, in reference to Justice Leaguers, do you think? 250 times? 500?

As the tide seems to turn against the Manhunters, one of them reaches to detonate the doomsday device, only to find that—the traitor Booster Gold is now betraying them?!
That last panel, by the way, is probably my favorite of the entire series.

I love the fact that Jade says. “Want to check?” for no real reason, and the Manhunter responds by screaming “YES!”

What? It’s so random. He wants to check if they’re all humans…? He wants to search them for louses…?

And so the day is saved, and a terrible adjective is coined by Booster Gold,
although his fellow superheroes don’t believe he was a double agent all along just yet.

The conquering heroes, whom Nadia says “have covered themselves in glory,” meet the immortals, the chosen and the returning space heroes outside Hal Jordan’s condo, for the big ceremony that these past seven issues have been building up to.

But we’ll get to that next month, when Millennium ends…not with a bang, but a whimper.

In the meantime, does anyone know if they still make these Striped Chips Ahoy cookies?
These ads are making me crave them, but I can’t remember the last time I saw them in a grocery store…



Previously:
The Other Secret Invasion: Millennium #1
The Other Secret Invasion: Millennium #2
The Other Secret Invasion: Millennium #3
The Other Secret Invasion: Millennium #4
The Other Secret Invasion: Millennium #5
The Other Secret Invasion: Millennium #6

The Other Secret Invasion: Millennium #6

This week a new issue of Secret Invasion, the single greatest line-wide superhero crossover about aliens secretly infiltrating earth from a major publisher this millennium, was released. Which means it's time once again to examine an issue of Millennium, the single greatest line-wide superhero crossover about aliens secretly infiltrating earth from a major publisher last millennium.

The action opens in deep space, where Superman leads a very determined team of heroes. As you can see, this installment is entitled “Out.” In the next 22 pages, one of these heroes will indeed come out. I’m assuming it’s Hal Jordan. But let’s find out together, shall we?


So let’s see, it says here that the “hidden home world of the Manhunters has burst like a ripe melon in the violence of its war with the spaceborne heroes of the earth--”

What? We missed the whole thing? Last issue, these guys were setting out to find the Manhunter homeworld, and this issue we learn they’ve already located, fought and violently destroyed it? In a tie-in? Man, what a rip-off.

Note that the ultimate Manhunter, the mammoth Highmaster (not to be confused with the mammoth Master Mold) managed to escape Superman and company’s act of android genocide.

They’re in hot pursuit of this giant, yellow Manhunter, who suddenly blasts them and turns to face them shouting about how they had cost him “the fruit of three billion years” and that no man escapes the manhunters. (Hmm, if one were to devise a Millennium drinking game, in which you had to take a shot every time someone said “no man escapes the manhunters” in this thing, I wonder if one would merely be really drunk right now, or dead of alcohol poisining?)

The heroes brace themselves for the onslaught:
Man, I love that crazy googly-eyed zombie Lantern.

Using his “anti-green light,” the Highmaster traps everyone in space debris save Superman and the Martian Manhunter.

Superman arrogantly assesses the situation, while the Highmaster rolls out his forearm cannons
and blasts them so hard he disintegrates J’onn’s harness right off (Man up, Martian Manhunter!)

The Highmaster then seems to shrink out of existence, while ranting about how the Guardians will get theirs yet. Dr. Fate tries to pursue using “The Call of Vayu,” but it’s the wrong spell, and the heroes are thrown into some infernal locale where they all start dying. Dr. Fate transfers their life energies into Superman and Hal, who are the last two flying. They rush off to find the Guardians, probably in a tie-in.

Back on earth, the chosen are all passed out in the grass in their transcendental states, while the immortals look on. Herupa Hando Ho explains that they are experiencing visions of the unity permeating the universe and their united places in it.”

Joe Staton and Ian Gibson draw those visions out for us:

Okay, Gregorio dreams of being a…dendrite of some sort? Celia Windward sees an abstract space monster? Janwillem Kroef pictures himself as a fat Hitler? Takeo Yakata is a samurai business man? Floronic Man imagines just cold dancing in the grass, Tom Kalamaku dreams of being a Green Lantern and punching a fat alien tapir man in the ass during the oath recitation ceremony, Xiang Po dreams of a wicked skateboard design, and Betty Clawman dreams of squatting in the desert, just like she was doing when the Immortals first encountered her.

Outside of their skulls, Wonder Woman tries to strike up a conversation with Batman, and he bites her head off:
They’re still a long way away from being the BFFs they’ll become in JLoA about 20 years later. Of course, this is set in the post-Crisis continuity, in which Wonder Woman was still a recent arrival to America, and had just met Batman and the other heroes. I suppose this scene didn't even happen after Infinite Crisis's de-reboot of Wonder Woman continuity. So just ignore it.

Guy Gardner, still suffering from the bonk on the head that turned him into an incredibly nice, deferential guy, rings himself and Batman over to Booster Gold International, where Booster is waiting for them.

Booster downs Batman with a laser blast, punches Guy down a flight of stairs and then does this:
Wow. Booster Gold took out Guy Gardner and Batman! At the same time!

When the Chosen start to awaken, Tom finds his family anxiously waiting for him, and not too happy about his going all cosmic on them:
I like the look on his son’s face, when he realizes his dad must be on drugs. Just say no, dad!

Of course, as we've seen in previous issues, Nancy Reagan, proponent of the Just Say No campaign, is herself an evil Manhunter android, so perhaps just saying no to drugs is one of the Manhunters' schemes within schemes? Perhaps people of the '80s should have just said yes more often...?

Janwillem’s finally had enough of this “hippy hoorah,” particularly when he realizes that his consciousness is finally being unified with those of a bunch of filthy minorities.

He demands the Immortals stop or he’ll leave, to which Nadia responds, “Farewell!”

On the way out, Janwillem takes a moment to hurl a racial epithet at a big guy with a super wishing ring on his hand.
John Stewart responds by...
decking him with his power ring? Jeez John; can’t you use your own fist? You had to generate a giant ring construct fist to deck the fat old guy?

Finally, Floronic Man sneaks off to meet a Manhuner agent, as he was supposed to betray the Chosen to the Manhunters. Instead he betrays the Manhunters, opting to throw in fully with the Chosen and the Immortals. Rather than a double-agent, he's become a triple-agent. I think that's how that works.

As Floronic Man turns the captured Manhunter agent over to Batman and company for interrogation, Blue Beetle and Mister Miracle announce that they’ve figured out that the Manhunters must have a secret base at the center of the earth.

The heroes decide to strike there…next issue!



Previously:
The Other Secret Invasion: Millennium #1
The Other Secret Invasion: Millennium #2
The Other Secret Invasion: Millennium #3
The Other Secret Invasion: Millennium #4
The Other Secret Invasion: Millennium #5

The Other Secret Invasion: Millennium #5

Now that DC has finally done the right thing—with "the right thing" being here defined as "something done mainly to be dicks to those bullies over at Marvel who are always making fun of them about market share"—and released Millennium in a handsome, re-colored trade paperback, there's not really a whole lot of incentive to keep doing this monthly looks at 1988's weekly series which bears some conceptual similarity to Secret Invasion.

I mean, if any of you are terribly interested in Millennium and want to know whether the Manhunter androids defeat and destroy all of DC's superheroes or not, you can just go get a copy of the trade and find out for yourself. Like Sally has. (Although she may have just bought it because of Hal Jordan's sexy Green Lantern pool party; for a DC crossover, this thing does have an awfully high Green Lantern-butt-per-issue ratio).

Of cousre, I'm already halfway through this thing, so at this point, I should probably just soldier on through the back half. It's not like it's going to be any worse than the first half, right?

Let's see, what do Steve Englehart, Joe Staton and Ian Gibson have for us this time...


Teaching! This is the issue that will contain teaching! It says so right there on the cover! Man, this is going to be the best issue yet!

So, what are we going to be taught, exactly?
Uh oh.This is going to take a while, isn’t it?

Yes, the immortals Herupa Hando Hu (left, blue) and a Nadia Sefir (right, peach) sit their eight chosen ones down in Hal Jordan's back yard to explain the entire universe to them.

The explanation is going to start out heavy on the Philosophy 101:
(Please note Gregorio in the top panel; as the first and flamingest gay super-character, his portrayal throughout this series is actually the most interesting and relevant aspect of Millennium today. Just to remind us that he is soooooo gay, his hand is on his hip at all times. Even when he's reclining on the ground).

Okay, so nature of the universe, logic, philosophy...where do the superheroes come in?

Page four.

Here's Superman, talking to himself and then, realizing that he was talking out loud to himself, switching to thinking to himself, which is a much less worrisome habit for the most powerful man in the world to display. He thinks about his own adventures thus far during the line-wide Millennium event, most of which will have occurred off-panel if you are reading this for the first time in trade. This leads directly into the climax of the entire series: Superman walking in on some kind of crazy congratulations surprise party for Batman...



Mike Sterling already discussed the above splash page at his site earlier this week, and both he and his commenters pointed out some of the awesomeness and some of the context.

What I love about this scene is the sheer coincidence of all of those characters saying "Way to go, Batman!" simultaneosuly instead of, say, "Hooray!" or "Yeah!" And all of them saying it at the precise moment Superman walked in the door. It's like Batman knew he was coming and planned for them all to say it at the precise moment Superman walked in.

Outside, Nadia follows up HHH's speech about the concept of one with a panel about the conecept of two, which means the universe is basically all about counting, and then we see inside Batman's head a bit regarding his rivalry with once and future BFF Superman...


Batman and Captain Atom and the Spectre catch us up on what happened in their tie-ins—Batman couldn’t find Shaw but ran into Jim Corrigan, and together they resuced the Manhunter hostages before temple exploded; Captain Atom and Firestorm were fighting one another do to some Manhunter mix-up madness, and were able to save the others from the explosions; the Suicide Squad was around but Cap is keeping 'em secret from the assembly—and then we cut back to the immortals, talking about another number, and we see a remarkably on-the-ball President Ronald Reagan, thinking on his feet:
Man, Reagan gets a lot of panel-time in this thing. He's had more lines than Wonder Woman at this point, I think.

Aside from the teaching—the numbers four through 9 are covered in similar fashion—the main non-lecture action is when Aquaman and Aqualad show up at Hal's pad and bring the assembled superheroes a flying saucer they found. The presence of the saucer gets the superheroes thinking. Even if Batman and company seem to have defeated the majority of the Manhunter andorids in the tie-in adventures they had in their own books, they could always send more androids to Earth. The only solution, then, is to fly to the Manhunter world and, I don't know, destory them all.

This sounds a bit extreme to me, like England deciding after they defeated the Spanish armada that the only way to protect themselves form future Spanish agression would be to travel to Spain and kill every single person there, but what do I know, I'm not a superhero, and Manhunter androids aren't sixteenth-century Spainards.

The Manhunter Kill Krew consists of Superman, Captain Atom, Firestorm, Martian Manhunter, The Hawks and a trio of GLs, with Dr. Fate providing magical transport. Will they be able to broker a peace treaty, or will they commit genocide? We'll have to keep reading to find out.

Meanwhile, on the Manhunter homeworld, Harbinger is still being held hostage...at least until help arrives, in the form of some kind of crazy zombie Green Lantern who talks a bit like Bloom County's Bill The Cat:



Hmmm...a zombie Green Lantern. DC should really do something with that concept in the near future...

Finally, the immortals explain the number "ten" to their chosen ones:
Profound! And, as Nadia says, that's all there is to the universe. The chosen ones are now ready to move all of humanity forward by becoming the worst superheroes of the past 2,000 years, a process that will take roughly three more issues to complete.



Previously:
The Other Secret Invasion: Millennium #1
The Other Secret Invasion: Millennium #2
The Other Secret Invasion: Millennium #3
The Other Secret Invasion: Millennium #4