Dear Bob Harras,

Congratulations on your new gig! Please make all of DC's comics totally awesome all the time, and make sure none of them are ever bad again. Thanks!

Your pal,

Caleb

Dear DC,

Regarding this week's DC Nation column by Jann Jones, I just wanted to let you know that if you use the image on the left as a variant cover for the upcoming Black Canary Wedding Planner, I would totally buy it.



Your friend,

Caleb

Dear Dwayne McDuffie,

Congratulations on your new gig!

Even a few years ago, I probably would have greeted the news that Dwayne McDuffie was going to be writing JL(o)A with a "Who?" instead of "Woo hoo!" (despite having enjoyed so much of your past Milestone work, back when I didn’t pay much attention to the credit boxes).

But is it just me, or have you seriously stepped up your game lately?

As someone who doesn't really pay much attention to the names of television writers on shows I watch (I have no idea if you were the genius who had Flash-in-Luthor's-body not wash his hands after going to the bathroom because he was evil or not, for example), I'm not even referring to any work you may have done on the generally excellent Justice League Unlimited. I mean instead the last few issues of Firestorm (including the sublime Orion vs. Stompa fight), the wonderfully old-school Beyond! (which took a handful of characters I didn't care the least for and weaved a highly entertaining story around them), the tons of fun Fantastic Four and, hell, even last week's Avengers Classic back-up.

Now, from what Dan Didio has said, it sounds like you'll be whittling the cast of JLoA down somewhat, as it's rather large for your (or his?) taste. Which I was surprised to hear, seeing as there are only ten people in the League at the moment, eleven if you count Geo-Force, and the best runs on the team have been those with the largest casts (Giffen/DeMatteis had two teams spread over two books and a quarterly; Morrison’s team swelled to around a dozen).

While everyone has their own ideal League line-ups, I'll try my hardest not to bore you with mine here. I did want to share some advice with you, though. Not that you need it, but rather because if there's one thing we at EDILW like doing, it's sharing advice about Justice League comics that no one ever listens to.

So, regarding that line-up: It's integral to remember that the Justice League formula that works the very best is “The Big Seven” plus a few more. The Leagues that have worked the best financially and critically without that foundation of the Big Seven (i.e. the Giffen/DeMatteis run) did so despite rather than because of the deviation from the Big Seven plus more formula, and they did have the advantage of Batman going for them (If you're only going to use one of the Seven, that's the one you want, especially around the early '90s).

The argument is often made that it's hard to tell League stories with these seven characters because so many of them have their own books, or, in Superman and Batman's cases, whole lines of books, and will thus not only remain static but, if they're to change/develop at all, it will be in those books, not JLoA. To that I say: “So what?” JLoA doesn't need to focus on the superheroes as characters, but rather on the interaction between them. There are a lot of books about Batman, and one about Wonder Woman, but this is the only book about the Batman and Wonder Woman's relationship to one another.

Now, I understand the line-up you'll be inheriting is devoid of three of the traditional Big Seven (again, the fact that this is DC's bestselling book is despite rather than because the variation of the formula; I don't think anyone believes Geo-Force, Roy Harper and Red Tornado are more popular than Flash, Aquaman and Martian Manhunter, and the current line-up still has the three biggest of the Big Seven on it). Ideally, you'll want to add the Flash, Aquaman and Martian Manhunter as soon as possible, but that might take a while. We don't know who the Flash will be (Wally's an immediate in; Bart and Barry might want to wait a bit), Aquaman's dead for the moment and Martian Manhunter is more unlikable in his current costume and characterization than he's ever been.

So that gives us the Big Seven Minus Three, meaning you can add at least three. Roy Harper is a must-keep, if only because Meltzer made such a big deal about it, changing his name and costume to get him there. Black Lightning is also a must-keep; some of us have been waiting forever to get him there and, again, he just joined. Hawkgirl and Vixen both seem like good candidates for sticking around, in part because they just re-upped; the former is more iconic, but the latter is more unique. Tough call.

As for trimming, no one would mind if Geo-Force decided he didn't want to stick around after all. Seriously, I can't think of a single person in Internetland who likes Geo-Force, or at least hasn't made fun of him repeatedly. (Here are some of my favorite jokes at Geo-Force's expense).

Red Tornado is similarly annoying, particularly as Meltzer has written him, although he has a larger fan base (that is, he has some fans). I could take or leave him, personally; if he sticks around, I do hope you'll find an interesting way to write him. The whole Pinocchio Syndrome Android-with-human-emotions-who-wishes-he-was-real plotline has been something pretty much anyone who's ever touched Red Tornado and Marvel’s Vision has hammered on over the last, what, 30 years now? That’s kind of…tired.

Black Canary has fans and certainly belongs in the League more than Geo-Force, but, at the same time, I don't think she brings much of anything to the team. If they need someone to beat someone up without using superpowers for some reason, they could just have Batman do it. He loves beating people up. Her upcoming nuptials will give her a good excuse to step down for a while too, or put herself on reserve status, or maybe just be like the Phantom Stranger, and just show up when she feels like it or is really needed.

Which is the advantage of a gigantic line-up. The more people on the League, the better, even if we don't see them all the time. For example, I love Steel and, in a DCU that operates on a sort of logic beyond "That Which the Person Writing Likes Is What Is," I don't know why he would have quit the League after Morrison’s “World War III” or why no one's asked him to rejoin. How many brilliant inventors and super-engineers who can also catch falling jetliners and knock giant robots' heads off with their big ass hammers are there in the talent pool? And while the Trinity are all scientists, I think the League needs a dedicated tech guy. I'd be happy to see Steel on the team, even if he's only there doing tech support, monitor duty and joining them for, like, one out of every fifteen fights. I think that's how a lot of fans feel; they want their favorites in the League, even if those favorites don’t actually star in every single issue.

So big rosters are great, and, barring that, a large number of official reservists who occasionally guest-star and/or just check in is definitely the next best thing.

Other add-ins to consider, beyond Aquaman, a Flash and J'onn? Well, obviously Plastic Man and Captain Marvel, once the Judd Winick experiment is scrapped and things get back to normal with him. I know those two superheroes belong among any gathering of The World's Greatest Heroes just as much as any of the Big Seven, you know they belong among any gathering of the World's Greatest Heroes just as much as any of the Big Seven, so why not finally officially make it so?

Oh hey, and the Green Lantern situation? Who should be the Green Lantern? It's Hal currently, which never made much sense to me. Though a founder, he was on the League less than Kyle and Guy. He was also evil for a long stint, so evil that he actually destroyed the universe temporarily, and even killed Batman temporarily before undoing all of creation (yeah, yeah a space bug did it; whatever) and he was a member of "The Power Pact" which was less than ethical (another strike against Canary, come to think of it), and his coming on seemed a little unnatural. I mean, they were just working with John, who was place-holding for Kyle, when Hal came in. Did they just fire John? Stop returning his calls? Was he so deep undercover as Hunger Dog that he couldn't join the new Meltzer-ized League? It should have been John, as we all know (Kyle's life seems even more complicated now then when he asked John to replace him, and the League needs a Lantern in it's line-up, not an, um, Ion…whatever that is exactly).

Of course, now the problem is that Hal's there, and they'd have to kick him out to make room for John. I'm not sure how to handle this, or how quickly it should happen, but I have faith that you'll find a smart, believable way to do it. John is currently the only book-less Lantern, and JLoA is the ideal place for him now. If Hal gets the monthly, Guy the Corps book and Kyle all the stupid Countdown spin-offs, then let's get John back in the League, huh?

Thanks for your time, and good luck.

Sincerely,
Caleb

P.S. Zauriel! Scott "Mister Miracle" Free! Steel! J'onn! Aquaman! Plastic Man! De-Winick-ified Captain Marvel! Moon Maiden! Janissary! Maybe even Cyborg!

Wonder Woman Wednesdays: More Free Advice for Gail Simone

Dear Gail Simone,

Congratulations on getting the assignment to write DC’s Wonder Woman ongoing! I can’t tell you how excited I am about your impending run, mostly because the last two runs on the book have been—how can I put this nicely?—wretched, and DC seems to have absolutely no idea what to do with the third point of their Trinity.

As you’re busy researching the hell out of Wonder Woman and trying to make sense out of the half-dozen reboots and retcons that she and her on-again, off-again sidekick Donna Troy have experienced, I thought I’d do my part to help out.

Last week, I suggested some of Wondy’s lesser rogues to consider using during your run.

But this week, I just have one word for you.

Well, actually, I have seventy-six words for you. Ready? Here they are:

Air pirates, kangas, telepathic radio, The American Adolf, bondage, Devastation, The Unknown, The Human Tank, Angle Man, Man-Fish, Seal Men, Cloud Men, Christopher Columbus and the Kronosaurus, Merman (formerly Mer-boy) vs. Zauriel as Bird-boy analogue, Queen Flamina, Queen Sharkeeta, Queen Clea vs. King Orin, Atomic Kingdom U-235, Villainy Incorporated, the Grenade Gang, Gundra, spanking, The Mask, Chang Tzu the Fifth, Jumpa, The Prairie Pirates, The Paper-Man, Veronica Cale, Eviless the Saturnarian Slaver, Pegasus, Captain Marvel team-up and Mouse Man.


Thanks,
Caleb

Dear Marvel,

So I see you guys are starting to get interested in doing inter-company crossovers again. That's cool. Some of the awesome-est comics I've ever read have been inter-company crossovers.

What I don't get is why are you devoting yourself to stuff like this, and continuing to ignore the inter-company crossover that's been begging to be made for over 20 years now:



Without doing any research at all, I think it's safe to say that the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are a more successful property, in terms of generating dollars, than any that Marvel owns, excepting maybe Spider-Man. In terms of name recognition and all-around Q-rating, the X-Men and Spidey are probably the only properties you own that rival the much, much younger Turtles characters.

I would think that you’d be champing and/or chomping at the bit to do a crossover between one of your properties and the turtles, and that you would have wanted it in comic shop shelves this month, when the movie dropped and the mediascape was temporarily inundated with free advertising for such an endeavor.

And from a storytelling point of view, it's just so damn easy. Easier than JLA/Avengers, and certainly far, far easier than this Spidey/Red Sonja business or New Avengers/Transformers (Which I’m still trying to get my head around, honestly), and, yes, even easier than every single one of the DC/Marvel crossovers of the '90s (By the way, who greenlighted those damn things? I absolutely loathed every single one of them I read).

I mean, Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird wrote their characters’ origin story right around Daredevil's. Look at that panel above; there's Matt freaking Murdock, front and center.

The turtles’ ninja enemies were the Foot Clan, named after Daredevil's enemy ninja clan the Hand. Their sensei was Splinter, named after Daredevil's sensei Stick. How hard is it to extrapolate a relationship between these characters? The thing writes itself.

Now, you guys have missed the opportune time to realease such a crossover, but don’t worry. I think a sequel to this weekends TMNT movie is pretty much guaranteed, so try to get your Daredevil/Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles book ready by then, huh?

And let’s do it right, while we’re at it, huh? These things are supposed to be historic because, honestly, how often do the turtles get to hang out with Daredevil? So let’s approach this as if it were that Daredevil/Batman project Brian Michael Bendis was whining about at a convention a few weeks ago.

Let’s get your top Daredevil writers involved; either BMB or Ed Brubaker, maybe working in conjunction with Peter Laird, who’s been writing the latest volume of turtles comics at Mirage. (And if Bendis and Bru are too busy, put Dan Slott or Jeff Parker on it, because they are both very, very, very, very good writers).

As for pencil art, it would pretty much have to be John Romita Jr.* Not only is he your best guy, but he’s also the highest profile Daredevil artist who’s still able to do monthly comics and whom we know has the chops to draw massive ninja battles.

For inks, you could get either Laird himself or long-time Mirage ink-slinger Eric Talbot.

But we’ll want more than one art team because, if this is going to be treated as the historic event it is, then we’ll want to see every great DD and TMNT artist still working to contribute something—a few pages of flashback here, a few pages of flashback there.

So you’ll want to get Laird, Talbot, Jim Lawson, Michael Zulli, Michael Dooney, Rick Veitch, Michael Lark, Alex Maleev, David Mack, Tim Sale and Bendis himself to all draw something. Joe Quesada is a busy man, as is Frank Miller (who may consider himself above such a thing, anyway), and Kevin Eastman has distanced himself from his creations, but none of that should let them off the hook completely—you’ll just have to settle for covers from them.

Did I say covers, plural? Yes. Because one of the problems with crossovers like Batman/Spider-Man is that there’s just not enough to them. Joker and Carnage team-up and Batman and Spider-Man team-up to stop ‘em…okay, that’s an issue of The Brave and the Bold or Marvel Team-Up, it’s not a world-shaking tale involving two huge characters who have never met before and may never meet again, dig?

So this project should be a sizable one, big enough to get everything anyone would ever want to see in a Daredevil/Ninja Turtles crossover into. Maybe a six-issue long series, but, better yet, a twelve-issue series. You’ve got a lot of ground to cover.

You’ve got to invent this back story about an ancient ninja clan that, long ago, diverged into masters of two different but related fighting styles, and, as the generations passed, became deadly rivals—The Hand and The Foot.

You’ve got to explain how Stick gave his friend Yoshi a pet rat as a gift, and how Yoshi named him “Splinter” after him.

You’ve got to have a war between the Hand and the Foot in NYC, with DD and the TMNT caught in the middle.

You have to have the Hand use their resurrecting magic to bring the Shredder back to life (after his death in TMNT #1), to serve them as their ultimate weapon against the Foot.

You have to have Elektra and Raphael in a sai fight.

You need to work in as many DD villains as you can, particularly the Hand, the Kingpin, Bullseye and Elektra, but why stop there? Why not throw The Punisher, the Purple Man, the Owl and, hell, Stilt-Man in there too.

You need to have Casey Jones beat up D-Man, and Daredevil beat up Casey. You need an offhand reference to Radical on the Avengers. And then, of course, you need to deal with the fact that the same accident involving the same canister created both Daredevil and the turtles.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. Now get to work on it.

Sincerely,
Caleb


*Did I mention that I read John Romita Jr. 30th Anniversary Special? Because I did.