Anarky:

Crazy Kelley Jones Contraption of the Month:

Namor, The Sub-Mariner:

I just had a thought about Final Crisis #4

You know that scene where The Flashes find Iris Allen sitting in her apartment, watching the TV with the omega sign on it, receiving a steady stream of Anti-Life Equation? And then Barry Allen plants a lighting kiss on her and cures her?

Is this because the two of them share some cosmic love connection, and his kiss is like the prince awakening poisoned Snow White from death? Or is the Speed Force that gives Flash his powers Anti-Anti-Life, or are Flash kisses simply able to counteract the effects of the Anti-Life Equation?

Does this mean that Barry Allen could save the day simply by running around the world at super-speed, planting kisses on everybody currently in the thrall of the Anti-Life Equation?

Man, that would be awesome if Final Crisis #7 were nothing but 30 pages of nine-panel-grids of Flash making out with people...

This week's links post:

I’m only posting this press release info because I like Sonny Liew’s art so much: Sonny Liew, the artist responsible for a ton of great looking comics like My Faith In Frankie, SLG’s Wonderland and Re-Gifters, would like you to draw him some robots. He’s editing an Image Comics anthology of work from South-east Asian artists called Liquid City, and to help generate excitement, he’s giving away three signed copies of Liquid City and a page of original art from his story with Mike Carey. For details on how to enter his robot-drawing contest, click here.


What’s Dromiceiomimus trying to say about Aquaman, exactly?: Saying “I’m a friend of Aquaman’s” sounds a little too much like saying “he’s a friend of Dorothy’s."


Things we should stop doing: After waiting far too long, I finally got around to reading Sam Henderson’s Magic Whistle #11: Body Armor For Your Dignity the other day. Being the work of Henderson it is, of course, hilarious, particularly if you like crudely drawn cartoon art and occasionally quite crude humor, long shaggy dog gag stories mixed with short one-page and one-panel jokes and think the word “boner” is always funny. (It is.)

Amid all the cartoon good times, Henderson offers a one-page prose piece entitled “It’s Been Done,” that begins, ‘Who died and made you the cliché police?’ you may ask, and rightfully so.” After a brief explanation, he then goes on to list things that everyone should stop doing, as they’ve all been done so many times they are no longer funny and/or relevant.

Here are a few I’ve cherry-picked from the list because they are ones that seem to apply to comic books and the online discussion of comic books the most:

-a fictional sequel subtitled “The Quickening” or “Electric Boogaloo”

-contemptuously nicknaming a person after what they do but adding a ‘y’ to their first name and a Scottish ‘Mc’ prefix to their last name which is also an adjective describing them, with maybe an honorific added to their full name

-anything with robots, monkeys, or Mexican wrestlers

Does this Henderson character know what he’s talking about? I think so, but if you’re not sure, I’d suggest you check out some of his comics, particularly Humor Can Be Funny, which is both humorous and funny.


Gordon Campbell is dumb: Political cartoonist Gordon Campbell got himself some attention with a pretty shitty-looking political cartoon responding to Colin Powell’s endorsement of Barack Obama over John McCain.

It’s a portrait of Benedict Arnold, in blackface, with an Obama pin on his lapel. Beneath it in a Revolutionary War era font are the words “Benedict Powell…Race Patriot.”

Presidential politics and racial politics aside for a moment, it’s not much of a cartoon. I mean, it took me quite a while to figure out exactly what was going on there, and I still don’t quite understand why Campbell drew a black Benedict Arnold instead of Powell in Arnold’s wig and uniform.

But whatever. The above linked-to article about the cartoon is kind of funny because it features Campbell defending his assertion that Powell must have only endorsed Obama because he has more melanin in his skin than John McCain:

"The only reasonable explanation for such a public political "about-face" in the midst of this important election is that Colin Powell, perhaps understandably, wishes to see someone who looks like himself in the White House," Campbell said.

Yes, that’s the only reasonable explanation. Forget all those other reasonable explanations Powell offered when explaining his endorsement, like McCain’s poor judgment, bad temperament or selection of a complete novice to be his alternate should he die in office. Forget McCain’s embrace of those whose foreign policy beliefs were so diametrically opposed to Powell’s own that he left the Bush Administration halfway through its eight years, and the appallingly narrow campaign McCain’s been running. And forget Powell’s pre-emptive response to accusations that he was only endorsing the black guy.

Didn’t Campbell watch the endorsement? Or read the transcript? All that stuff’s online now if you go to church on Sundays or just sleep in. Surely watching/reading the endorsement wouldn’t have been any more work than creating a political cartoon responding to it. And it would have saved him the embarrassment of looking like a total ass.


Something that is not at all comics: John Hodgman, a very humorous writer who segued his appearance on The Daily Show to promote his book The Areas of My Expertise into a semi-regular spot on the show, a fabulous career in commercials playing “PC” and small roles in Hollywood films, has written a sequel to The Areas of My Expertise, entitled More Information Than You Require.

Subjects include Hodgman’s new lifestyle as a minor television personality, world reaction to his work in hobology, strange falls (mostly in Richmond, VA), the need to write a sequel to a book that purported to already include all human knowledge, and sundry other topics of interest.

Areas, you’ll recall, included a section on the history of hobos, including a list of 700 hobo names. It was, in my humble opinion, the funniest thing in the history of ever. In this book, similar attention is lavished upon the mole-men. The page before that section asks if perhaps they are the new hobos.

Sadly, I don’t think they are. As inherently humorous as mole-men may be, as much comedy as Hodgman is able to wring out of them, they just lack some ineffable quality possessed by hobos.

Still, Hodgman lists the names of 700 mole-men and their occupations, he offers a brief history of mole-manic culture and its relations with the surface world, he details their biology and reproduction, he discusses their hideous steeds and he even enters into the controversy of the mole-man creation myth.

If you can stand the occasional book without panels and with quotation marks instead of dialogue bubbles—I can, but just barely—then I’d highly recommend this one.


Oh shit, they're actually doing it: Okay, I feel a little bad that Tucker and Nina Stone of The Factual Opinion are forcing others to read and discuss DCU: Decisions at my request, because reading Judd Winick comics isn't something you wish on other people, you know? But at the same time, I'm pretty glad, as the results are once again hilarious—both the discussion and the images posted (Check out that Lois and Superman argument page; Winick and Bill Willingham have totally brought back Silver Age shrew Lois Lane!).

And, once again, I'm somewhat surprised to see a "civilian" coming to comics pretty much fresh and immediately noticing something that is apparently a lot more evident than a lot of us who live and breathe this stuff might have thought. For example, the person they've cast in this installment of Stunt Casting on the audience for this particular super-comic: "Like it was really something that [the writers] were just doing for themselves. I'm reading it, but they don't really care. I found that amusing. I don't mean that they really 'don't care,' but it felt like it was truly for themselves."

Damn, that's like a good two-thirds of superhero comics in a nutshell right there, isn't it?

Now I think I'm going to go track down this Rent Girl comic...

Weekly Haul: October 22nd

Age of The Sentry #2 (Marvel Comics) This actually came out last week, but I neglected to purchase it. I almost did so again this week, and discovered why I had neglected it last time. My local comic shop shelves its books alphabetically, but Age of The Sentry was neither shelved under Age nor under Sentry, but as Avengers, because, um, The Sentry used to be in Mighty Avengers back when that title still had Avengers in it.

So it was all my local comic book shop’s fault for their insane shelving of the book. Well, and mine, I suppose, for not adding it to my pull-list in the first place.

Anyway, you may have heard from a certain invincible super-blogger that this was the book of last week, and you may have heard right (it’s hard to say for sure; last week also had that Marvel Adventure Avengers issue where Odin tried to set The Mighty Thor up with a Frost Giant, while the Odinson was sneaking around with Storm…either way, Jeff Parker and Paul Tobin scripted the best book of the week, though).

In the lead story, “Ursus The Ultra-Bear,” Jeff Parker, Nick Dragotta and Gary Martin tell the tale of a giant, super-powered circus bear—“an animal with fighting instincts who could respond to training”—battling Silver Age Superman (Or, “The Sentry”) and Golden Age Wonder Woman and Etta Candy (Here called “Ms. Marvel” and “Lolly”), which guest-stars Truman Capote, the caveman of Wall Street, some killer whales who had it coming and Harper Lee, dressed as a ham for Halloween.

Is there an Eisner for “Best Half Issue?” Because I believe it’s been won.

The back up, by Paul Tobin and Michael Cho is a pretty old and obvious gag that I figured out from the cover alone, but it’s still pretty fun. Tobin really gets the horror of super-powered dogs, and Cho’s art is amazing, and as played out as the character’s-friends-blow-him or her-off-because-they’re-actually-planning-a-surprise-party (Oh, spoiler warning?) story is, I still find it amusing. Does a really kick-ass surprise party really justify making a friend feel like shit for days?

Now, Ursus The Ultra-Bear vs. X-Rex: Reptile Ranger spin-off, please.


Batman: Gotham After Midnight #6 (DC Comics) We all now that Batman has severe mental problems. But what are his specific mental problems? I’m no psychologist (nor am I a psychiatrist), so my opinion is hardly expert. Perhaps you are though, and can help me diagnose poor Batman.

Okay, so if you have a crush on a buxom, Batman-hating police officer who is apparently quite beautiful (although since Kelley Jones is drawing her, it’s impossible to know for sure), and you decide to give her the present of an expensive pearl necklace exactly like the one your mother was wearing when she was brutally murdered before your eyes driving you insane in the first place, a necklace which the very sight of causes you vivid flashbacks to the traumatic event, does that mean that a) you have some kinda creepy oedipal thing going on, b) you actually like freaking out about your mother’s murder and subconsciously enable your freak-outs, or c) both?

Just wondering.

Also, Batman fights the Joker and Midnight, Joker and Midnight fight each other, Green Arrow has a humorous two-panel cameo, and Kelley Jones draws all kinds of totally crazy shit.



Final Crisis #4 (DC) Remember in 2005 when DC published their seven-issue long, big, huge crossover story Infinite Crisis? Remember how it was originally going to all be penciled by Phil Jimenez, whose style was greatly influenced by George Perez, the artist who drew the big, huge crossover story it was a sort of sequel to, with Perez contributing covers and a few passages of the story? And then, as the series progressed, more and more pencillers and inkers were called in, and they eventually got so far behind that in the seventh issue they skipped the inking on some pages, publishing clearly unfinished work? And it was so awful looking that some of it was even redrawn for the trade collection?

Well, you’d think DC would have learned its lesson for heir next seven0issue long, big, huge crossover story, right?

Ha ha ha! Well then, you’d be insane, that’s what you’d be.

Final Crisis editor Eddie Berganza and, presumably, his higher ups, thought, for some reason, that J. G. Jones would be able to pencil and ink (and draw the covers for) seven thrty-page issues in eight months. (For that 210 pages of pencils and 210 pages of inks in the time it takes most artists to pencil 176 pages…provided you can find any pencils working for the Big Two at the moment who can still pencil eight consecutive issues of a monthly comic book).

So confident were Jones and Dan DiDio that they even made public, Bryan Hitch-style pronouncements that this would totally all be Jones and all be done on time.

And so began the wait to see how long until Final Crisis either shipped late or started using multiple artists to finish it up.

As it turns out, not very long at all. Going by the DC Nation page layout, this issue is about five weeks late (on top of a planned one month break), and features what looks like 13 pages of art penciled by Carlos Pacheco and inked by Jesus Merino.

This is a bad thing not just because it makes Jones and DC look foolish (fans will forgive them both, if they haven’t already), but because the trade is going to read pretty poorly; Pacheco and Merino aren’t bad artists at all (in fact, I prefer their work to Jones’, and their pages are much clearer, more comic book-ier and easer to read than Jones’) but their work doesn’t look a think like Jones’.

It’s just too bad. Obviously 210 is a lot of pages to expect any one artist to pencil and ink all by himself or herself in eight months, so why would anyone think that might actually work out?

Given the tremendous amount of pages Jones was taking on, why wasn’t work on the art for this story started earlier? Or why wasn’t a speedier penciller chosen, and why wasn’t that theoretical speedier penciller paired with an inker or two who had fairly compatible styles? And why not have someone else draw layouts, saving the penciller some time? And someone else draw the covers?

Anyway—the story. This isn’t Grant Morrison’s best work, and at times it read a little too much like Brian Michael Bendis’, what with all the superheroe’s swearing in odd-numbered “@#$%*” expressions constantly, sometimes to the detriment of an otherwise cool line. For example, when Green Arrow is faced with a group of Justifiers on giant dogs saying “Anti-Life Justifies our actions!”, he responds with, “Is that so? Well, my absolute hatred of dog-ridin’ totalitarian @$$#&%$ justifies this!” and shoots a dozen arrows into them. I think he meant “assholes” and not “asshole,” but still, that kind of swearing bugs the “$#!*” out of me.

Anti-Life is sweeping the country, and Oracle explains what makes this so damn scary. The Anti-Life equation is, after all, “a mathematical proof that darkseid is the rightful master of everything in existence.” You see, if that’s true, Darkseid is right.

While the world is being remade in Darkseid’s image, the few heroes gather in a half-dozen impromptu “Watchtowers” around the world, trying to hold out. At the Hall of Justice, Green Arrow, Oracle, Black Canary and The Ray receive Tatooed Man (see below), Darkseid finally finishes downloading into Turpin while his minions look on, and then Mister Miracle, who is suddenly a white guy, gets shot in the chest.

Relatively little happens (something underscored by the long wait), but there are some nice little character moments, novel applications of superpowers (Mostly involving The Ray), and plenty of little cameos of characters Morrison has written (The Great Ten, Warmaker of the Ultra-Marine Corps, The Metal Men, etc).



Final Crisis: Submit (DC) They say there’s no accounting for taste, but I wonder, is comic book art really just a matter of taste? Can it be objectively good or objectively bad? Because more and more, DC Comics’ comics seem filled with art that I would qualify as just plain awful.

Not awful stylistically, but awful in that it is hard to read, or the choreography is off, or the artist seems to focus on things the script does not, or objects appear and disappear from panel to panel.

And yet the artists responsible for this bad art generally keep getting more and more work, on some of the company’s most high-profile books, and I’m left wondering if maybe it’s me. Maybe there is no such thing as good and bad comic art, it’s all just a matter of taste.

Maybe editors like Eddie Berganza and Mike Marts just have completely different taste than me. Maybe when I read Batman or this book of trashy, amateurish art and start pointing out all the ways in which the work is clearly not doing what’s expected of it, I’m like some kind of asshole wine snob showing up at a party and talking about the quality of the box wine and the hosts are thinking, “Yeah, of course the bouquet sucks—it came out of a box we keep in the refrigerator, douche.”

Are DC super-comics, like box wine, just expected to be pretty crappy?

Because despite the fact that Final Crisis: Submit is by Grant Morrison, DC’s most bankable writer who isn’t named Geoff Johns and by far their most critically acclaimed creator and despite the fact that it’s a key tie-in to the biggest DC story since Infinite Crisis, Berganza apparently looked at this clearly terrible art from penciller Matthew Clark and the trio credited with “inks and finishes,” and signed off on it as good enough.

But it’s not. It’s hard to imagine a professional editor not sending this back covered in notes to the penciller.

Now, I suppose there could be more going on here than I’m considering, like the fact that Morrison turned the script in, like, four days before the artists were supposed to be done, and Clark had to pound this out in two days and two extra inkers were called in to make deadline. It is at least three weeks late, judging by the layout of the DC Nation page in the back.

From a reader’s perspective, I guess it doesn’t really matter who’s fault it is that the comic is a piece of shit, so maybe none of that really matters.

Let’s start on pages two and three, a double-page splash of Black Lightning being chased by three giant dogs with red eyes down a street. Oddly, he’s wearing a satchel full of newspapers with the logo for the Daily Planet on it, paperboy style. That’s an unexpected detail, so obviously it draws attention to itself. Strange then that in a panel two pages later, the satchel disappears. Just one panel it’s there, the next its not. It won’t reappear until about six pages later, when the script mentions newspapers again (As to what exactly Black Lightning is doing running around with newspapers, it’s not explained in the book at all; it is explained in Final Crisis #4, which also came out this week, but was supposed to come out five weeks ago, despire the fact that Submit occurs chronologically before FC #4. Got all that? Not only are both books several weeks late, but they were planned to be published out of order anyway).

During this chases scene, there are sometimes shadowy figures shaped like gingerbread men or the icons on the doors of public bathrooms somewhere behind the dogs; these are apparently human, as is revealed when we see human limbs among an explosion that kills the dogs. What are these shapes? You can’t tell by the art.

What happened in the background of the fifth panel on page four? A silhouette explodes into existence, shattering the glass of reality, or…?

What is that thing reaching toward a book in the first panel of page 11? A tentacle? A deformed foot? Is that a hand? A human hand? Jesus. Presuming Clark is right-handed, he can simply look at his left while penciling a left hand. Problem solved; no reference research necessary.

So this is a little like Morrison’s Batman work—a script that seems locked in conflict with art it will eventually triumph against, but rather than helping tell the story, the art seems to be trying to obscure it.

Although, unlike Batman, the story itself isn’t that good. It’s sometime after Final Crisis #3, when Darkseid’s anti-life equation began remaking earth, and Black Lightning is running around a post-apocalyptic (post-apokalyptic?) world on a secret mission, but stops to save Tattooed Man II and the Tatooed Man’s family from Darkseid’s Justifiers and their giant dogs.

Morrison indulges in clichés from about a half-dozen different zombipocalypse/post-apocalyptic survivaist movies, as Tattooed Man wants to stay right where he is and knows its safe, Black Lightning knows better and wants them to move, and the family members choose sides in the conflict of the best course of action. It involves piling into a school bus and driving frantically through the streets, people who aren’t used to using guns having to use guns (Don’t forget to take off the safety!), running through a dark tunnel that leads to safety while being chased by the Infect—er, Justifiers, someone heroically holding them off, blah blah blah.

Saddest of all, Morrison has sunk so low he actually has Black Lightning explain his powers thusly: “I make electricity dance like Beyonce…”

Oh Grant, what have they done to you?



G.I. Joe #0 (IDW) You probably can’t tell from how little I ever mention the comics here on EDILW, but I was at one point a pretty huge G.I. Joe fan. I’m a 31-year-old American male, so, you know, obviously I watched G.I. Joe every day after school, played with the toys, read the Choose Your Own Adventure books, had at least one G.I. Joe-themed birthday party, ate the breakfast cereal, and would occasionally read the Marvel Comics when I was sick.

I read the Devil’s Due comics for a while, until the veritable flood of product, a couple of reboots and more than one consecutive continuity killed my interest. That and the fact that, you know, there are hundreds of dollars worth of comics, including a lot of really great stuff, being released in comic shops and book stores every single week.

I was mildly curious about the IDW relaunch of the franchise, particularly when I heard Chuck Dixon would be involved, since he seems to be a pretty ideal G.I. Joe writer (Well, if it can’t be Garth Ennis…), but only mildly so: IDW single issues are usually priced at $3.99, a $1 more than most crappy-to-mediocre comics, and why drop $4 on 22 pages of nostalgia nonsense when that’s half a digest of a great manga, you know?

But hell, this special #0 issue was only one (1) dollar, so it seemed like it was at least worth a try.

Well, having read it, I’m not entirely sure it was worth a dollar. This comic contains three short, six-page stories, all acting as preludes to three different upcoming G.I. Joe series, the Chuck Dixon-written G. I. Joe, Larry Hama-written G.I. Joe Origins and Chris Gage-written G.I. Joe: Cobra. Three series right out of the gate seems a wee bit ambitious, and is so much G.I. Joe product that it stifled my (admittedly little) enthusiasm for the IDW version before any of the series even debuted their #1 issue.

The stories mostly focus on the less colorful Joe characters, the ones that could conceivably exist right now in the real armed forces: Duke, Hawk, Torpedo, Beachhead and those guys. Me, I always liked the rhyming, cooking Roadblock, totally gay Gung Ho, the comedy duo of Alpine and Roadblock, Shipwreck and his sarcastic parrot Polly, love of my life Lady Jaye, irritating as all hell Quick Kick, offensive stereotype Spirit and pretty much every single Cobra guy

This was really just some pretty rote, Tom Clancy-like nonsense about army guys doing some army guy stuff, and the only look at Cobra we really get are sketches of Baroness and Destro in the back.

It’s hard to tell from just these little bite-sized stories, but so far the IDW version doesn’t seem to be in any way improved over the Devil’s Due version (the Reloaded continuity in particular), and I saw nothing here that made me want to hand them $12 a month for more.


Runaways #3 (Marvel) This was released today, and I bought and read it.

You know, I suppose it’s time to finally drop this title if that’s really all I can think to see about a new issue of it…



Secret Invasion #7 (Marvel) I bough four books this week that cost $3.99, a dollar more than the average DC or Marvel comic book. DC published three of those $3.99 books; two of them were 30 pages long, and the other was 40 pages long. Marvel published one of those $3.99 books; it was only 23 pages long (the same length as the the average DC or Marvel book with a $2.99 cover price).

Just saying.

This is the penultimate issue of Brian Michael Bendis’ years in the foreshadowing superhero epic, and, as it comes to a close, it’s pretty clear that this is another Marvel event along the lines of House of M and Civil War that isn’t going to have what you might call a “conclusion” so much as a final issue, with a dozen or so unresolved plotlines playing out in a bunch of other Marvel books for months to come.

Because this seventh issue is just the continuation of that big Skrulls Empire vs. The Marvel Heroes and Villains fight that began in the sixth. Bendis throws some characterization in there—Jessica Jones deciding to fight by her husband’s side, Thor, Captain America and Iron Man talking strategy over one another’s shoulders (hey, they should put those three in a team book together), Hawkeye taking revenge for being “forced” to decide to murder a Skrull that thought it was Mockingbird, etc.

I actually sighed when I hit page seventeen and it was all the heroes regrouping and rushing at the Skrulls shouting catchphrases, exactly as happened at the end of last issue. So, pretty typical Bendis treadmill superhero script, I guess.

There’s a cliffhanger in which Skrull-Jarvis reveals to Baby Cage (who isn’t a Skrull at all? I thought that was the whole point of that portentous ending of New Avengers fifteen years ago where it’s eyes turned green-ish?) that it doesn’t matter if the Marvels die or if the Skrulls die, just so long as their religious gibberish comes true (whatever that gibberish is, exactly). Apparently the Skrulls have some kind of weapon implanted in The Wasp which generates Kirby dots that make people scream, but it’s not clear what’s going on.

Tune in next month for the over-priced anti-climax, the lead-in to all those “classified” December books branded “Dark Reign."


Superman: New Krypton Special #1 (DC) The credits on the last page say this oversized one-shot was the written by Geoff Johns, James Robinson and Sterling Gates, but it doesn’t say who wrote what. Did all three write every page, 52 style, or did they each write the sections dealing with the plots from their own books? I can’t say with one hundred-percent certitude.

And this saddens me, because I don’t know who to credit with the hilariously maudlin bit at the beginning in which we see the last dead leaf clinging to an otherwise bare tree outside a Smallville church get blown off, and then fall slowly to the earth, the P.O.V. of the panels following it until it reaches Pa Kent’s funeral.

Sad!

There are a few pages of Clark Kent and family in black dress clothes in completely silent panels (because dialogue would just make everyone—the writers, the readers, probably even the characters—feel a little silly about pretending to give a shit about Pa Kent’s fifteenth “death”). Then, after the sequence, the leaf reappears, blowing off panel into the next section.

I’m going to assume this is the work of Geoff Johns, since he’s the one who wrote Pa’s death in his Action Comics, and his Action collaborator Gary Frank draws the sequence (Plus, Johns often writes hilarious melodrama; see, for example, every line Sun Boy utters in Legion of Three Worlds).

From there, we check in with various plot strands from the emerging family of Super-books, including last week’s Jimmy Olsen special and Supergirl, which is apparently going to shape up and be part of the Superman line instead of changing creative teams and directions every three months as it’s been doing.

Clark thinks about beating Braniac to a green pulp in revenge, and some of the nice moments he’s shared with his father over the course of Johns’ foreshadowing of slotting him, and gets very, very sad. Ma Kent gets sad, and has to eat dinner alone now. Those now full-sized Kandorians are probably going to be trouble, since they’ll all have Superman’s powers and one of them accidentally kills a blue whale. Someone I forgot was supposed to be dead is revealed to actually be alive, and be behind the Codename: Assassin and Atlas business that’s been going on in Superman, and now he’s got Brainiac, and is recruiting Luthor, who is apparently in jail now…? (Not sure how that squares with Salvation Run, which I’ve tried my best to ignore, and Final Crisis).

In addition to Frank, Pete Woods and Renato Guedes pencil this thing, and it’s all really quite lovely looking. In fact, it’s so well drawn, it may actually distract you from how silly the whole thing actually is.

I ‘m afraid I still just don’t see the point of the dead Pa storyline: a whole city of Kryptonians on Earth and a secret government agency devoted to killing Superman using Brainiac, Luthor and the stars of First Issue Special seem plenty exciting enough to run the Super-books on for a few months without having to go the whole Crying Superman and Martyr Ma route.



Tiny Titans #9 (DC) Beppo the Super-Monkey gets his hands on Zatara II’s magic wand, and turns the Tiny Titans into monkeys. Hilarity ensues. I do take issue with one panel of Art Baltazar and Franco’s super-cute and pretty funny issue, however.

After Beppo turns Batgirl and Starfire into monkeys too, Beast Boy says, “Well, technically, we’re chimpanzees.”

No Beast Boy, no you’re not. You all have tales. Your technically monkeys, not chimpanzees. Chimpanzees do not have tails. No apes do; only monkeys have tales.

It always annoys me when apes are referred to as monkeys in comics. But, because this is a comic book geared toward children, it annoys me even more than usual, because the next generation of comic book readers needs to know the difference between monkeys and chimpanzees. If Baltazar and Franco pass the comic book industry’s ignorance and confusion over the difference between apes and monkeys on to young readers, we may never solve this problem.



Trinity #21 (DC) Ohhhhhhhhhh…I thought the crazy mechanical thing that kept jumping out of John Stewart was The Construct, which was featured in the very beginning of Kurt Busiek’s unfortunately aborted JLA run, but it’s actually The Void Hound, from the end of Kurt Busiek’s unfortunately aborted JLA run.

So the front half is the secret origin of DC’s Morgiane Le Fay and Enigma (Actually Earth-2’s Quizmaster) and the revelation of which old JLA alien antagonist was posing as old JLA alien antagonist Despero, and the back half is a sort of Firestorm II/John Stewart team-up.

As always, pretty solid super-comics that put most of DC’s highest profile stuff (Batman, Final Crisis, JLoA) to shame.


Ultimate Spider-Man #127 (Marvel) So, Peter Parker and Mary Jane are making out just outside of school one afternoon. Broad daylight, people all around, and then Mary Jane pushes Peter away telling him to stop, and how she doesn’t want to go too far or too fast, and he keeps apologizing. Stuart Immonen tastefully only draws them from the shoulders up or so, but clearly Peter going for some heavy petting, or maybe rubbing his erection on her, trying to get some dry-humping going.

So Ultimate Peter Parker is an exhibitionist.

Marvel's January previews reviewed

Like Marvel's solicitations for their December releases, the new round features a bunch of solicitations with no real information, presumably to avoid spoiling the ending of Secret Invasion and/or cluing readers and retailers into their next line-wide tie-in, something called "Dark Reign."

There are eleven of these books, and they all seem to be ones that deal in some way with Marvel Universe's government and the status of the Civil War-born Superhero Registration Act. It still boggles my mind that they couldn't figure out how to write a generic sentence or two that is technically accurate—"shocking new direction for," "you won't believe what happens in the aftermath of," "the return of a fan-favorite character,"—but doesn't actually reveal any information. I mean, haven't these guys been watching the presidential debates?

Anyway, while these solicits just list the titles, creators, page-count and price, it's still a lot less annoying than the "CLASSIFIED" notations Marvel's run in the past.

Here's what Marvel decided could be talked about without ruining the ending of Secret Invasion...


CAPTAIN AMERICA: THEATER OF WAR: AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL
Written by PAUL JENKINS
Art by GARY ERSKINE
Cover by STEVE EPTING
The third in a series chronicling the adventures that made Captain America the hero we know today, Paul Jenkins (MYTHOS) does what he does best, weaving a tale of war, brotherhood and legacy. From skinny Steve Rogers at boot camp to the Super-Soldier leading a battalion of men against the Nazis, this is the Captain America you thought you knew but you've never seen. And when the choice is between his country or his best friend, this is the decision he had to make.

Hmmm...needs more colons...


GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY #9 Written by DAN ABNETT & ANDY LANNING. Penciled by BONG DAZO. Cover by CLINT LANGLEY. Star-Lord...trapped in jail...in the Negative Zone Prison...under attack from King Blastaar and his barbarian hordes! Will Rocket Raccoon and his new Guardians arrive in time to save their leader? Given their recent run of luck, probably not! Plus, cool art by Star Wars penciler Bong Dazo staggering revelations about Adam Warlock – as events continue to build to WAR OF KINGS! Surely you must be there for the next chapter of the series that has WeeklyComicBookReview.com raving: “If you aren’t reading GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY yet, now is the time to get a taste of the awesome that is Rocket Raccoon and the gang.”

Uh oh. I’ve been digging this book so far (it’s not quite as good as the Starlord mini that spawned, but it’s been pretty solid nevertheless). This solicitation sounds kinda cool—Blastaar! Barbarian hordes!—but it sounds like it’s going to be tying into this weird “War of Kings” event involving the X-people space characters that I could not possibly be less interested in.

Of course, if Abnett and Lanning handle it like they did the recent Secret Invasion tie-in—which didn’t actually have anything to do with Secret Invasion beyond having some Skrulls in it—then it might be okay, but I’m wondering if maybe #9 won’t make for a good jumping-off point…


MARVEL ADVENTURES THE AVENGERS #32 Written by PAUL TOBIN. Penciled by MATTEO LOLLI. Cover by SALVADOR ESPIN. No matter how powerful you are, how heroic you are, or how beloved you are, you still have to pay taxes. And when the IRS comes knocking on the door to Avengers Tower, it causes all sorts of problems. Luckily, the Avengers can avoid the problematic filing of their real names by helping the IRS collect back taxes on a few deadbeats. Unfortunately, those deadbeats include Bullseye, Man-Bull, the Absorbing Man, Whirlwind, and a certain highly-successful web- designer named Oog---and these guys DON'T want to pay! Action! Adventure! Taxes?

Man, kids just love comics about taxes.


MARVEL ADVENTURES SPIDER-MAN #47
Written by TODD DEZAGO
Pencils & Cover by SANFORD GREENE
"JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS"--SPIDER-MAN is a little red in the face when he assumes that the costumed figure leaving the scene of a crime is the criminal! Pointing out that that's what J. JONAH JAMESON does to him, The PROWLER reminds Spidey that it's never a good idea to jump to conclusions!

Spider-Man is always red in the face.

This is an interesting creative team; I haven't read anything by Dezago in a while, but his Impulse run was often a lot of fun, and I really love Sanford Greene's art.


MARVEL ZOMBIES 3 #4 (of 4) Written by FRED VAN LENTE. Penciled by KEV WALKER. Cover by GREG LAND. The horror hit reaches its blood-curdling, skin-eating,gore-caked climax! Machine Man trapped in the Zombie-verse! A.R.M.O.R. overrun by the walking dead! The Marvel Universe mere seconds away from being completely consumed by cannibalistic superhumans! All this, plus - straight from the pages of AVENGERS: THE INITIATIVE - the hottie robot Jocosta! Be there for the finale of the series that IGN.com says "breathes new life" into the horror dynasty!

I believe the correct expression is “robot hottie,” rather than “hottie robot,” but I suppose it may be a regional thing.


MIGHTY AVENGERS VOL. 4: SECRET INVASION BOOK 2 PREMIERE HC Written by BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS. Penciled by KHOI PHAM & STEVE KURTH. Cover by MARKO DJURDJEVIC. ELEKTRA IS A SKRULL! Words that have echoed through Marvel Comics for the last two years. But how did this happen and for how long has this been true? Plus, the return of MAR-VELL has brought with it more questions then answers but now all those questions will finally be answered. Also, find out all you need to know about Nick Fury’s SECRET WARRIORS. Then watch the lives of two of the most famous Kree, Captain Mar-Vell and Marvel Boy, alter the events of the Invasion forever. Collecting MIGHTY AVENGERS #16-20. 136 PGS./Rated A ...$19.99

Weird. I’ve been kind of wondering how Marvel would go about collecting Secret Invasion and the two Bendis-written Avengers titles, as both provided one-off stories dealing with minor background elements of Secret Invasion proper (I couldn’t imagine a trade collecting all the SI issues of New Avengers or Mighty Avengers would be at all interesting on its own), but didn’t have anything to do with the Avengers really.

Like, if you were in a bookstore or library and saw a book with the word “Avengers” in the title, you might think, “Oh hey, I like the Avengers; I’ll get this,” but what you’d find within would be almost completely devoid of Avengers. (I think maybe Yellowjacket’s in one of these…?)

Well, here’s how they’re collecting MA.

Perhaps Marvel’s trade program is just as focused on the direct market as their comic book single publishing is, at the exclusion of casual readers…?



I’m not surprised at how unhappy Namor looks to be giving that dude a shoulder rub. I have to imagine that giving shoulder rubs is somewhere up there with karaoke, dog-walking and kids birthday parties on the list of Things Namor Would Not Enjoy Doing, but that other guy looks just as down. I understand giving shoulder rubs can be tiresome, but who doesn’t like getting shoulder rubs?



Aside from the cut of the bottom half of her action bathing suit, and maybe her choice in footwear (do women still wear shoes and socks like that?), I kinda like this cover to She-Hulk. But damn, that is a lot of signatures on it, isn’t it?



Okay, I give up. Who's that red guy with the claws and spikes supposed to be?

Also, that Iron Man? Totally terrifying.



That is the best Wolverine costume design ever.

Superman-Red and Superman-Blue:

DC's January previews reviewed

What super-comics will I be complaining about in on Wednesday evenings in January of 2009? There are two ways to find out. We could just wait until January, or we could take a look at the just-released previews (available here) and get started on the complaining now. First up, DC, with Marvel to follow later tonight...


100 BULLETS #99
Written by Brian Azzarello
Art by Eduardo Risso
Cover by Dave Johnson
The penultimate issue of the award-winning series sees old scores settled and new bloodshed! As questions are answered, truths come to light in this startling issue. With one issue to go in this epic series, you won’t believe what happens next. Also, this is not a jumping-on point in case you were wondering.

So, is this Eduardo Risso guy any good?



ACTION COMICS #873
Written by Geoff Johns
Art by Pete Woods
Cover by Ladrönn
The “New Krypton” finale and a “Faces of Evil” issue! The rapidly rising tensions between the people of Kandor and Earth can only lead to expulsion or war! But even as the governments of Earth begin passing anti-Kryptonian laws, Superman's people have plans of their own – beyond anything you can imagine! Writer Geoff Johns and artist Pete Woods (SUPERMAN: NEW KRYPTON SPECIAL #1) wrap up this cosmically important chapter in Superman’s life by introducing a major change to The Man of Steel’s status quo!

Please let the major change be that Bizarro moves in with Clark Kent and becomes his new roommate…



BATMAN: THE BRAVE AND THE BOLD #1
Written by Matt Wayne
Art by Andy Suriano & Dan Davis
Cover by James Tucker
Jumping out of your TV and into your comics comes the highly anticipated new cartoon BATMAN: THE BRAVE AND THE BOLD! Each month, The Dark Knight Detective faces challenges that only he can solve – with a little help from his DC Universe pals! Thrill as Batman visits new places and old friends. Chill as he chases down the most powerful villains in the DCU, armed with only his Bat-gadgets and his wits! In this awesome first issue, show writer Matt Wayne (Justice League, Ben 10: Alien Force) joins forces with Andy Suriano and Dan Davis to bring you "The Panic of the Composite Creature," a tale of terror and adventure! All this action plus Batman's secret files await you each and every month. So hang on to your seats, and get ready for the read of your life!

Not to be confused with Batman or The Brave and the Bold or Showcase Presents: The Brave and the Bold—The Batman Team-Ups.

I was pretty psyched about this cartoon after seeing the “trailer” for the first season online, even though I won’t be able to see it until its on DVD in, like, months. So this comic should tide me over quite nicely. Hell, they’ve even got two of my very favorite-est superheroes right on the cover!


BLACK LIGHTNING: YEAR ONE #1-2
Written by Jen Van Meter
Art and cover by Cully Hamner
Jefferson Pierce returns to his old stomping grounds – the infamous Suicide Slum of Metropolis – in order to bring some hope to the residents of his downtrodden former neighborhood. He’ll quickly learn, though, that a lawless place sometimes requires a lawless vigilante to drag it into the light. Acclaimed writer Jen Van Meter (CINNAMON, OUTSIDERS) and kinetic artist Cully Hamner (BLUE BEETLE, RED) combine forces to retell the electrifying origin of DC’s most honorable hero, the bold and brave Justice Leaguer known as Black Lightning!

I do hope Van Meter took into account Jefferson Pierce and my concerns about the coloration of the lightning he shoots. Because this is a post-continuity reboot origin story, it’s going to be DC’s one chance in a long time to make sense of this aspect of Black Lightning.



BOOSTER GOLD #16
Written by Dan Jurgens
Cover by Brian Stelfreeze
Art by Dan Jurgens & Norm Rapmund
Part 2 of the 4-part "Reality Lost" arc continues in this “Faces of Evil” issue as Booster Gold finds himself stranded in the midst of the battlefields of World War I and comes face-to-face with the infamous Hans von Hammer, a.k.a. Enemy Ace! Meanwhile, Goldstar and Skeets continue their search for the missing Rip Hunter!

I wasn’t sure if I should drop this title or not after the Geoff John and Jeff Katz writing team turned the reigns over to Dan Jurgens. A glance at this cover answered that question.

Way to go Jurgens! That’s one down, 64 more to go!


FACES OF EVIL: DEATHSTROKE #1
Written by David Hine
Art by Georges Jeanty
Cover by Ladrönn
Deathstroke nearly died fighting Geo-Force in DCU: LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT, and now he needs to rebuild himself. He's not about to let a near death experience make him lose his place as one of the most dangerous villains in the DCU. Where will he start? What's next for the Terminator? And how high will the body count be when he's finished?

So Last Will and Testament was actually in continuity? Huh.



So, as per this Green Lantern cover and this preview of Rage of The Red Lanterns, I guess the Red Lanterns all projectile vomit blood?

Charming.


MANHUNTER #38
Written by Marc Andreyko
Art by Michael Gaydos
Cover by Brad Walker & Livesay
In this final issue, Manhunter fights metahuman terrorists while Kate Spencer prepares for the most heart-wrenching case of her legal career! Battle lines are drawn in the Super Hero community when long-buried personal secrets are revealed! FINAL ISSUE

Sorry Manhunter fans; this is partially my fault. I’ve been trade-waiting the new issues.




MYSTERIUS: THE UNFATHOMABLE #1
Written by Jeff Parker
Art and cover by Tom Fowler
“Will all patrons please be seated? Tonight you will witness supernatural feats that no mortal mind can comprehend! Your very senses will reel as Mysterius the Great takes the stage after years in absentia! And now please welcome his newest stalwart, the brave and beautiful assistant who will accompany our host on a journey beyond the boundaries of science and reason...the Lovely Delfi! Now, all join hands...” Acclaimed creators Jeff Parker (X-Men: The First Class, Agents of Atlas) and Tom Fowler (GREEN ARROW, CAPER) make their WildStorm debut with this exciting, offbeat new miniseries!

Woah, woah, woah…Jeff Parker, probably the best super-comics writer Marvel cuts checks to these days, isn’t exclusive?! Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited to get more Jeff Parker, and to see him flexing his writerly talents on something that isn’t an old Marvel super-character. I’m just shocked that Marvel hasn’t signed him to an exclusive and bricked the doors to his house shut so he can’t get out.



ROBIN #182
Written by Fabian Nicieza
Art by Freddie E. Williams II
Cover by Brian Stelfreeze
The stunning conclusion to “Search for a Hero” and a “Faces of Evil” issue! In order to stop Anarky, do you impose order with an iron fist or embrace chaos? Or can Robin find a different way? After “Batman R.I.P.,” Gotham City demands a better class of hero, and the new Robin is going to give them exactly what they deserve...

I thought I was maybe just seeing things last month, but I guess not: Anarky is now totally dressing like an idiot. Come on man, you're anarchy symbol doesn't even resemble an anarchy symbol anymore.



SUPER FRIENDS #11
Written by Sholly Fisch
Art by Chynna Clugston
Cover by J. Bone
Batman’s got a fan club! But it’s a mischievous fan club of one known as Bat-Mite, and he just can’t stand the other Super Friends saving the day alongside Batman. Will The Caped Crusader be forced to fly solo from now on? Not if Mister Mxyzptlk can help it!

This past Wednesday was the first time I read an issue of Super Friends, and while I kinda enjoyed it (particularly the dress-up portion), I wasn’t sure if I’d be reading it again.

At least until reading this preview, which reveals that January’s issue will feature:

—The whole Justice League in Batman-ized costumes

—Batman apparently saying "Oh dear!" on the cover

—Bat-Mite

—Mr. Mxyzptlk

—Art by EDILW favorite Chynna “Blue Monday” Clugston. If she were gonna be working for DC, I’d rather see her drawing and writing Teen Titans, but I’ll buy whatever she draws.



Monstrous cover from horror master Bernie Wrightson or no monstrous cover from horror master Bernie Wrightson, I think we can all agree that the one thing the Composite Superman never needed was fucking stitches.



Fun fact: Art Baltazar draws the best Alfred that isn't drawn by Jim Aparo.



VIGILANTE: CITY LIGHTS, PRAIRIE JUSTICE TP
Written by James Robinson
Art by Tony Salmons & Bret Blevins
Cover by Mark Chiarello
The motorcycle-riding, two-gun hero called The Vigilante stars in this new volume collecting the four-issue miniseries from 1995, written by James Robinson! Greg Saunders, better known as The Vigilante, hits Hollywood to appear in a movie – but heads into action when his sidekick runs afoul of gangsters!

I was happy to see this show up on the solicits. I’ve only read a single issue of the series, which I found in fifty-cent box of back issues, and haven’t had any luck tracking down the other three.

Um, nothing snarky to say or bad jokes to attempt on this one, sorry. I’m just genuinely pleased to see this get solicited.

Man, what a lame ending for this post…

Bears vs. Predator

I have a review of Dark Horse’s Predator Omnibus Volume 4 in this week’s Best Shots @ Newsarama, along with a review of Jesse Reklaw’s Slow Wave collection, The Night of Your Life.

While I think that’s the longest I’ve ever written about Predator comics, I realize it might not have been as helpful to consumers as it could have been, especially since the thing that defines Predator comics at this point in time—almost 20 years since Dark Horse’s first Predator miniseries, and after crossovers with everyone from Batman and Superman on down to Magnus Robot Fighter, The Darkness and Witchblade—is where and when the Predator fights are set, and who they’re against.

Nowadays, Predator comics are all about the high concept twist on the original alien-hunts-the-most-dangerous-prey-of-all set-up.

So I’ve developed this handy little guide to all of the stories contained within Predator Omnibus Vol. 4, which highlights the relevant information.

It’s worth noting two things in general about the collection. First, there are an awful lot of grizzly bears in it—North America’s one-time apex predators appear in three different stories. Second, while some of these stories are pretty fun and most have their moments, none quite rise to the level of John McTiernan’s 1987 masterpiece Predator.

But perhaps it’s unfair to judge any of these stories against the original film version. After all, Predator is one of the greatest achievements of Western culture; most works of art also fail to reach the high standards it has set.



Anyway:


Predator: Primal

By: Kevin J. Anderson, Scott Kolins and John Lowe

High concept: Predator decides to hunt the actual most dangerous game (that isn't a killer whale)...a pissed-off mother grizzly bear

Predator fights: A grizzly bear!!!

Bears: 3

Part that's almost cool enough to be in the movie: Every part in which Predator fights the grizzly bear, which is most of it.


Predator: Nemesis

By: Gordon Rennie and Colin MacNeil

High concept: Predator in Victorian England, shortly after the Jack the Ripper murders

Predator/s fight/s: Captain Edward Soames, special recruit of Mycroft Holmes and the Diogenes Club

Bears: 0

Part that's almost cool enough to be in the movie: Nothing in this story is that cool


Predator: Homeworld

By: James Vance, Kate Worley and Toby Cypress

High concept: Old, by-the-book Predator comes to earth to crack down on some young, upstart Predators; told through witnesses to the action being debriefed by shadowy, Men In Black, governmental types.

Predators fight: Civilians, sheriffs, a bison, each other, another grizzly bear

Fun fact: Do you know where the Predator species originally evolved from? Do you really know? A theory is offered herein.

Bears: 1

Part that's almost cool enough to be in the movie: Predator fights a bison using only his bare hands; flips it over his head; makes peace with it.


Predator: Xenogenesis

By: Ian Edginton, Mel Rubi and Andrew Pepoy

High concept: Predator in the future, fighting a covert Predator-Buster unit

Predator fights: Terrorist/pirates, a U.S. black ops team, the above-mentioned Predator-Buster unit and an immortal samurai warrior

Bears: 0

Fun fact: Predator are apparently really long-lived. Like, they can live to be 1,000. And if a human eats a Predator's heart, that human will also live for at least 1,000 years. It's basic science, really

Part that's almost cool enough to be in the movie: Nothing in this story is that cool


Predator: Hell Come A-Walkin'

By: Nancy Collins and Dean Ormston

High concept: Predator in the Civil War

Predator fights: Union soldiers, rag tag Confederate rebels, a cannon ball

Bears: 1

Part that's almost cool enough to be in the movie: Predator gets impaled by an American flag


Predator: Captive

By: Gordon Rennie and Dean Ormston

High concept: A scientist has a captive Predator he is studying in a heavily-guarded, remote desert base, outfitted as a sort of zoo-like habitat

Predator fights: Some guards

Bears: 0

Part that's almost cool enough to be in the movie:Nothing in this story is that cool


Predator: Demon’s Gold

By: Ron Marz and Claudio Castellini

High concept: Predator in South American jungles during World War II

Predator fights: Nazis

Bears: 0

Part that's almost cool enough to be in the movie: Predator rips a still-screaming Nazi captain’s head clean off his body, with the spine still attached

Johnny Storm and Ben Grimm:

Two-Face: