Thursday, September 20, 2007

September 20th's Meanwhile, in Las Vegas...plus five other things

This week's Las Vegas Weekly comics column features reviews of




and



I am exceedingly proud of the headline this week.

In other "news"...




1.) Dear Entire English-speaking World,

New rule: Nobody’s allowed to use the word “pornographic” unless they understand they clearly understand the definition of that word. And none of that “I’ll know it when I see it" crap; it’s in the goddam dictionary.

Thanks,
Caleb

p.s. Click for context.




2.) I kinda hate to link to the same guy twice in one week, but damn it, Steven Grant has something else smart and relevant to say. If you spend as much time on the Internet reading about comics as I do (i.e. way too much), you’ve no doubt encountered the discussion about Wildstorm miniseries Highwaymen, which its creators feel isn’t doing as well as it should.

My original take on the matter was negative and counter-productive—a few sentences posted on someone else’s blog—because the handwringing over a lack of instant super-success seemed kind of silly to me.

Grant takes the question quite seriously, and offers up the most well-thought out analysis about the comics market and why Highwaymen isn’t doing gangbusters.

I know a lot less than Grant, Marc Bernardin, and everyone else involved with Highwaymen about the market, but it seems to me that it actually is a pretty successful book. It’s not all that far behind, say, Blue Beetle, and in the same neighborhood as DC and Marvel’s kids books starring household names and Wildstorm’s miniseries featuring the New Line horror characters like Jason and Freddy, themselves household names.

I think being a Wildstorm miniseries right now is probably more a detriment than a help; I imagine the book would have done much better at Dark Horse or as an Image Shadowline series. Wildstorm’s identity has always been kind of confused, a mixture of Wildstorm Universe stuff and Alan Moore’s ABC line and sundry other conflicting things, but faith in the brand is probably at an all-time low at this point.

Moore is gone, the “soft-reboot” of the “universe” books destroyed the line. I got one issue of Gen 13, one of the worst books I’ve read this year, a few issues of Midnighter, which was announced as a Garth Ennis ongoing and quickly became a hit-or-miss anthology series, and the first issues of the Grant Morrison master-minded Authority and WildCATs, which never went much farther. While I’ve heard good things about some of the other books, from here it looks like the universal reboot was, in essence, as if the company blew up its universe, and never got around to rebuilding it. It would be as if DC released Infinite Crisis #6, and never got around to #7, let alone 52 and “One Year Later.”

The WSU is further degraded by becoming a sort of ghetto of the DCU Multiverse, a place Captain Atom, Jason Todd and Donna Troy have to stop by every once in a while, instead of an exciting, distinct locale like, say, The Marvel Universe (Compare to JLA/WildCATS to Countdown Presents: The Search For Ray Palmer: Wildstorm: The Longer the Title the Better the Comic, Right?: Right? Because Otherwise Why Are We Giving It Such a Ridiculously Long Title?*).

DC has also perplexingly dumped Klaw the Unconquered on WildStorm, and acquired the New Line horror properties to publish under the brand.

There’s a stink about the brand now, and for all the reasons Grant mentions that Highwaymen wouldn’t grab a huge chunk of the Direct Market, there’s also the fact that the “WS” logo it bears is something of a stigma and a sales albatross.

Personally, I never read a single issue. If I got a review copy, I would have been happy to read and reviewed it for “Best Shots”whether I loved or hated it ,or, if the book proved to be a good one, for LVW.

But as a go-to-my-shop-every-Wednesday comics consumer, nothing about the book said “Buy Me” to me, and so I never did.

The Stelfreeze cover is nice, but so are all Stelfreeze covers (It also made it look a bit like Matador, another cop-looking Wildstorm book that Stelfreeze did the cover for, which I made it 4/6ths through and gave up on, as it seemed more TV cop drama than comic book to me).

I didn’t recognize any of the creators’ names.

Creators and covers seem to be the way comics are sold. I realize the creators did a charm offensive on the Internet, including Newsarama, which I go to reapeatedly each day, but since I didn’t know the creators or find the covers or title at all interesting, I didn’t read the interviews, so they obviously didn’t do anything to make me want to try the book.

Anyway, there’s a case study for the “Why isn’t Highwaymen super-succesful?” files.

You know what would have got me to buy this first issue automatically? If there was a picture of Clinton on the front, and the title alluded to him in some way, like Clinton’s Angels, and maybe above the log were the words “From The Guy Who Writes About Comics For Enertainment Weekly.”

Or if the questions being asked this week were somehow made part of the original pitch, so that instead of Highwaymen it might havec been called Buy This Book or You’re Racist or something like that.

Okay, maybe I wouldn’t recommend either course of action, but I seriously would buy any comic with that title, a picture of Clinton by Brian Stelfreeze on the cover, or a self-effacing mention of one of the creators’ day jobs.




3.) Speaking of comics that are doomed to not being super-successful, check this out:



You know what that is? That, my friends, is my “studio,” and laying all over the floor are all 24 completely penciled and completely inked pages of Caleb’s Unfinished Eventual Self-Published Project #1. It’s still unfinished, of course, I need to letter it yet, but after six years (six years!) of penciling and inking, the art is finally finished.

Now, don’t get too excited about the amount of time it took me to get this thing 3/4ths finished. It’s not like I labored six years straight on the thing (Although if I did spend an average of three months on each page, I bet it would look a lot nicer). I wrote the story in a day or two, and spent most of that time doing a page, getting distracted for three months, doing another page, and so on. If you’re familiar with the site, then you’re familiar with the level of quality that the writing and art are going to have.

Basically, it will be exactly like one of the strips I’ve done for EDILW. Only I’ll ask you to pay for it. You’re all extremely excited about this, I’m sure.

Expect to hear more about this in March.




4.) I’ve been cautiously pumped about Mike Kunkel’s upcoming Billy Batson and the Magic of Shazam series since it was announced, and today Columbus’ own Vaneta Rogers has an interview with Kunkel up at Newsarama.com. There’s nothing particularly revelatory in the interview itself, which is kind of par for the course for these “Sell us on your new book you’d like us to all buy” type of interviews (which I’ve done a few of myself, so I hope that didn’t sound like a knock).

But what is interesting is the art included, which shows Kunkel’s versions of not only Billy and Cap, but also Mary and Mary Marvel, Dr. Sivana (it’s Thaddeus B. Sivana, Kunkel!), and Black Adam.

Now that I was surprised to see.

Kunkel’s take on Black Adam seems on conceptually weaker ground than the original, in that Adam is now an older kid who turns into a super-adult, instead of an adult who turns into a super-adult, which takes away from the little kid vs. a bunch of grown-ups dynamic that's always existed between Cap and his bad guys.

While that is kind of surprising, it’s nowhere near as surprising as the fact that Kunkel’s using Black Adam in the series at all. Remember, this is an “all-ages” interpretation, which editor Jann Jones announced as part of her kid-friendly line, kid-friendlier than Justice League Unlimited and Teen Titans Go!, which she said were a little too violent and questionable to give to her sister's kids.

Now, DC has of late rather rigorously (at least rhetorically) policed the porous borders between the Vertigo line and the DCU line, which share quite a few characters (actually, pretty much all of ‘em, if you go back far enough and look hard enough). The line of thinking is that they don’t want kids seeing John Constantine or Swamp Thing in a DCU book, as it might lead them to Vertigo books starring the characters, in which they’ll encounter things like gay sex, f-words, naked breasts, drug usage and the like. You know, grown-up stuff.

I can see that rationale, and, in general support the idea, but only selfishly. I like the hard line drawn between the imprints more so I don’t have to see Geoff Johns writing Neil Gaiman’s Endless into Infinite Crisis, or see Swamp Thing show up in an issue of Countdown or whatever than because I think it makes publishing sense (As an aside, did I see the Vertigo version of Black Orchid in this week's Birds Of Prey?).

The hardline between characters crossing between imprints makes even less sence if you look hard at the differences between the DCU as of right now and the Vertigo books with former DCU characters in them that are on the stands (I think only in graphic novel format at this point; save Hellblazer, featuring a character created for a book that would give birth to the Vertigo imprint, are any DCU characters currently starring in Vertigo ongoings?).

In the DCU, you’ll see naked ladies, but their nipples will be in shadow. You’ll have Black Canary calling Green Arrow a “piece of %@!$&” instead of a “piece of shit” (a kind of fig-leaf option to communicating swearing that has the effect of saying “shit” anyway; does anyone read that line and hear anything other than the word “shit” in their mind?). You’ll have sex talked about and implied and occasionally shown, but you won’t see any genitals. And you’ll have an awful lot of violence, more than you’ll find in any Vertigo book featuring former DCU characters I can think of off the top of my head.

The distance between the “maturity” of the DCU line and that of the Vertigo line is currently extremely narrow, and I’d argue that the DCU line handles mature things like sex and violence worse and in a way that is potentially much more offensive than the Vertigo line, as it adheres to a weird Hollywood double standard where extreme violence is much less offensive than mild sexuality or “bad” words.

Once you have Dr. Light raping Sue Dibny on the Justice League meeting table, while Superman cries about it on the cover of the book, or Flash’s silly villains doing lines of coke in a room full of whores, or whole comics constructed around down-blouse and upskirt shots of teenage girls, well, nothing Vertigo publishes seems all that risque anymore. If we looked at the comics the two publishing lines release as Hollywood films, Vertigo would probably be full of R-rated or unrated art-house films, whereas the DCU would be full of films that originally received R-ratings from the MPAA, and then were re-cut by the studio until they hit the PG-13 rating.

As for the violence in the DCU, some of the most spectacular examples of it have been perpetrated by Black Adam. Remember him pushing his hand through Psycho-Pirate’s face in Infinite Crisis, dryly making a Freddy Krueger-like joke? Or killing every man, woman and child in a fictional country in 52? Or ripping off one guy's face, and putting his fist through a girl’s heart in World War III? And in the recently launched Black Adam, writer Peter Tomasi ramped it up to Grand Guignol levels, having Black Adam eat a follower, and, in the latest issue, bungee jump down the side of a mountain using an enemies intestines.

Okay, they were yeti intestines, but still. Tomasi seemed to somewhat testily respond to complaints about the ultra-violence in his series, but the characters used in these sorts of stories do matter. Killing Joke worked with Batman, but wouldn’t have with Superman. Longbow Hunters worked with Green Arrow, but wouldn’t have with The Flash. The first wave of DCU inductees into Vertigo were able to be pushed in more mature direction—"mature" here meaning more sophisticated storytelling as well as more violent and sexually-charged stories—either because the characters themselves were inherently darker than others in the DC stable, or because they were unpopular enough that they could be pushed into new territory without worrying about a new Sandman Saturday morning cartoon or Shade, The Changing Man movie coming out any time soon.

And while the relative unpopularity of Captain Marvel has allowed Geoff Johns to turn Black Adam into a sort of Namor-meets-Dr. Doom anti-hero, Judd Winick to do whatever the hell he wants with Dr. Sivana and the 52 guys to make Mr. Mind into a real monster, that commits the Marvel brand and franchise to a certain direction.

Kunkel’s new series is going in the exact opposite direction. It would have been weird enough to have his series on the shelves at the same time as Trials of Shazam and Countdown (imagine mothers going into comic shops and asking if they have any books with Mary Marvel in them, for example), but to have Black Adam in both this series and his incredibly violent and gory limited series simultaneously? It really just seems like DC’s asking for trouble.

Certianly more so than they would be if Swamp Thing showed up in a Batman comic, anyway.




5.) Okay, I lied, there is something interesting in that Rogers/Kunkel talk aside from the art. Kunkel reveals the fact that he bought the out-of-print (and now quite expensive) collection of the original “Monster Society of Evil” epic off eBay. Come on DC, the guys you hire to make your comics want that thing in trade! Snap to it! And none of that Archive or Absolute crap, just a nice, plain, old-fashioned trade collection, huh?






*I think that’s what it was called anyway. I didn’t double-check and am just working from memory, here.

Weekly Haul: September 19th


Aquaman: Sword of Atlantis #56 (DC Comics) The lame duck creative team of Tad Williams and Shawn McManus continue to close out this volume of the Aquaman monthly at breakneck speed. This issue wraps up the plot thread dealing with Savage/Kordax Jr./Flying Fish/Mr. Jupiter’s little brother, Mr. Jupiter plot to destroy half of the world, and moves the magically-aged Tempest plot a little further. Still a lot of ground to cover in the next, concluding issue though. Williams writes fun dialogue for Aquagirl II, and choreographs a brutal fight between Cyborg and Vandal Savage. McManus draws the hell out of everything, and I giggle every time I see his Human Flying Fish’s furiously beating tiny little humming bird-like wings. Someday someone is going to encounter all of these post-cancellation announcement Williams/McManus books in a fifty-cent box at a convention somewhere, and they are going to be tremendously excited to discover how incredibly fun this much maligned title actually was.





Compass #1 (Image Comics) This new series is being illustrated by the incredibly talented Ryusuke Hamamoto, and co-written by Akihide Yanagi and C.B. Cebulski. That first name is most likely the most familiar, as it seems like I see it attached to a book at least once a month. I often wonder how Cebulski has time for his work as an editor and do all the writing he does. Well, this issue provides a possible answer—though he does a lot of writing, not all of it is very good. Or, in this case, any good at all.

This $2.99 issue, which amounts to about 20 pages of manga, only colored and in the mostly-abandoned comic book format for manga, begins with a dateline of “Japan, Today.” That’s all the set-up we get to an exposition-filled speech by a wizard-looking guy who laments the fact that magic-users are slowly being eradicated by the modern world’s insistence on increasingly reducing them to characters in works of fiction (Like this comic book, for example). The exposition continues, as we’re introduced to four girls, each of whom represent a point on the compass, which translates into them being an American, a European, an Asian and African. The exposition continues a bit longer. There are some robots. Then more exposition. And some more expositon. And that takes us to the last page, and a “To Be Continued…”

Not so much a story as an illustrated outline for a story, Compass seems like a waste of everyone’s time and talents, form the creators on down to the readers. “But Caleb,” you say, “You brought this home amid a stack of mostly Big Two super-comics, clearly you’re not the intended market for this.” No, maybe not, but what is its audience exactly, do you think? I’m not entirely sure. It can’t be little girls or manga fans, as Image Comics isn’t exactly where manga fans look for manga, nor little girls look for many of their comics, and this format is one that is increasingly foreign to both American manga readers and little kids who read comics.

Whether something is created for me personally or not though, I should still be able to discern some redeeming quality in it, right? Sadly, that wasn’t the case with this book.






Doctor 13: Architecture & Mortality (DC) Finally free of the lead anchor that was The Spectre III, Brian Azzarello and Cliff Chiang’s Tales of the Unexpected back-up stories are all gathered together in a trade collection, finally giving those of us patient enough to wait for it the opportunity to see what all the fuss is about. If you’re on the Internet, you’ve probably already heard rave reviews about this story (I belive the consensus opinion of critics is that it was the Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread), and likely already know the gist of it—Dr. 13 and a collection of DC’s least marketable characters team up to do battle against Grant Morrison, Greg Rucka, Mark Waid and Geoff Johns. Actually, some (most?) of you have probably already read it, and don’t need to hear me say anything about it.

But I’ve never let something like that stop me from babbling on before, and I’m not about to start. So brace yourself for a long, wandering review! (Or just skip ahead to the next one).

So, yes, this story? It is indeed awesome. It’s also awfully complex, written on so many different levels that I find it difficult to even approach it in the patented breezy, instant reaction, typo-filled manner of the traditional Weakly Haul review.

Dr. 13, a “ghost-breaker” who originally filled pages of various anthologies in the Silver Age, was a character devoted to proving the supernatural was hooey. It’s a neat hook for a character, and one that becomes ever more humorous in today’s DCU. Since the Silver Age, the DC Universe has become increasingly cohesive, to the point where all of the books are assumed to share a story space unless otherwise noted. As someone who doesn’t believe in magic, the supernatural or cyptozoology, this puts the good doctor in a weird place. Reading Showcase Presents Superman, for example, you’ll see stories of Superman denying belief in magic and ghosts and the like. But eventually, magic became so common place in his world that it was a weakness of Superman’s, up there with kryptonite. Now he can’t fly around the block without running into a magical character of some sort.

Living in this world then, Doctor 13’s skepticism would seem like a form of madness, and Azarello plays it for laughs, as he meets a succession of increasingly impossible characters. It’s easy enough to deny a yeti, for example, but a yeti which is actually a vampire disguised as a yeti, with whom you find a frozen cave boy and board a flying ghost pirate ship en route to a hidden fortress of talking Nazi gorillas? Well, that’s going to take some super-skepticism.

Azzarello and artist partner Cliff Chiang portray their star as a square-jawed but sardonic man of the ‘50s, whose whole life must have become something of a sitcom, given the world in which he lives. He narrates the issues, commenting on the literary devices Azzarello employs and making dry jokes for his own benefit about those he encounters, which include Andrew Bennett (Of long defunct feature I, Vampire), Captain Fear, Genius Jones, a Nazi gorilla of the Primate Patrol named Julian, Anthro, the ghost of J.E.B. Stuart which haunts the Haunted Tank (which makes a brief appearance) and Infectious Lass, a Legion subsitute heroine who is weird even by the standards of the Legion of Substitute Heroes.

Their enemies are The Architects, who first appear as a giant from Azzarello’s own under-appreciated Superman run with Jim Lee, and then take on other forms, a series of creepier and creepier disguises.

Pretty much every line of the thing is a joke, and a fine, subtle one; I particularly enjoyed the ways in which they kept constructing the pronunciation of “I Vampire.” On the surface, it’s a romp of some of DC’s weirdest characters, but it’s also a weird meta-commentary on comics in general, particularly DC’s post-Infinite Crisis direction.

I’d highly recommend this series to anyone who…well, anyone who reads comics, actually. I suppose the more you know about the DCU and the comics industry, the more there is to it, but it’s a blast from start to finish, and Chiang’s art is incredible. I liked it in Human Target, but this is whole leaps and bounds above that. For lack of a better term, it’s incredibly comic book-y; perhaps the comic book-iest of art, and there’s certainly nothing better than super comic book-y art in a comic book, especially a comic book that is at least three-fourths about comic books.

That said, I would like to address the foes that the Dr. 13 is faced with, his Architects. Reading the interviews he and Chiang are doing all over the Internet today, it seems that this story is more a commentary on Azzarello’s original job offer, and being told that these characters were on the list of those who wouldn’t appear in 52, more than in response to anything else.

He extrapolates quite a story about fictional characters struggling for their survival against writers who don’t think they belong in a carefully managed fictional universe, and while he turns it into a castigation against world-building, or at least a celebration of world’s already built, I’m not so sure how deserving these targets are.

Ceratinly Grant Morrison is a more colorful character to turn into a comic villain than, say, Dan DiDio (Plus, he has an accent, and Azzarello does more crazy accents in this comic book than your typical early Chris Claremont X-Men), but it’s worth mentioning that Morrison did write Dr. 13 into a story only a year or two previously (Seven Soldiers: Zatanna), and Azzarello and Chiang’s little epic seems to be in the same mode as Morrison’s old Animal Man arc about character limbo, some of the characters of which Morrison himself would eventually help rescue.

While the four 52 writers might not have reached the Z-List of DC characters that included Genius Jones, they were certainly down to the X- and Y-List. I mean, 52 had Ambush Bug, Dumb Bunny, Beefeater, Tim Trench, Terra-Man, Super Chief, Sivana’s kids, That One Scientist Who Created the Super-Hood Robot That Only Appeared in One Issue of Dial H For Hero and Egg fucking Fu. They’re hardly against the obscure characters, you know?

I’m not sure how much of Dr. 13 was meant as a rebuke and how much of it was just riffing on guys who seemed like they were rebuilding the DCU, but, read now, those four seem like odd targets. Sure, they built the word of 52, but how much of that even stuck? There are a half-dozen or so 52 spin-offs, but those series seem mostly preoccupied with un-telling aspects of 52.

“One Year Later,” Morrison was only writing Batman, and had given some notes to some other writers for a few miniseries (Uncle Sam and the Freedom Fighters, Metal Men) and one ongoing (The All-New Atom). Mark Waid was writing Brave and the Bold. Greg Rucka was writing Checkmate. Geoff Johns was writing half of a Superman arc, Green Lantern and Teen Titans.

From late 2007, these “Architects” seemed to have built a temporary world in 52, one that was immediately dwarfed by the world of “One Year Later” changes and the Countdown business, which quickly took over the entire DCU. Johns continues to play a big role in the DCU, but only in pocket places now, the GL franchise, JSoA, the occasional free-floating Superman story, and the just-launched Booster Gold, which will necessarily stay far removed from the rest of the DCU. Brad Meltzer, Allen Heinberg, (especially) Paul Dini, Gail Simone, Tony Bedard, “Graymiotti” all seem to be bigger players, or about to become bigger players, in the architecture of the DCU of 2007 and beyond

Anyway, I’m drifting pretty far off topic here, circling around only one aspect of a rich and rewarding work, but it’s obviously a very interesting aspect of that work. Last week I snickered at what seemed like Johns’ rebuttal, in which Doctor 13’s gang appears in the timestream in Booster Gold #2.

“It’s those guys like Booster Gold that are bringin’ us down! And Renee Montoya! And Animal Man!” Genius Jones states. Others chime in about the the Architects ignoring people like them to work with “really popular fellows” like Klarion, John Fox, Sasha Bordeaux and Mr. Terrific.

Dr. 13’s mention of Mr. T. seemed a little on the shrill side: “ He was always a guaranteed hit! Look at that jacket!”, although he immediately defused it with a joke, in which the shirtless Anthro says “I wish I had a jacket like that.” (I now realize the joke’s less funny then it should be; Anthro should have said that in French).

I don’t know that Johns and/or Katz were being fair here at all, either. While the characters listed in Booster Gold aren’t exactly Superman and Batman, they're not exactly examples of the 52 writers using obscure characters. Booster Gold has been on an animated cartoon, has a toy and was featured in what television commercials are declaring “the best-selling graphic novel of all time.” Renee Montoya is a longtime Batman supporting character who was also featured on a cartoon series. Sasha Bordeaux was created by Greg Rucka, and he’s the only one to ever use her…not quite the same as refusing to use a character because its outdated or unpopular, and thus she's a terrible counter-example.

I’m not sure how Mr. Terrific works into the argument, since the one Johns uses is the popular version of the old, still-unpopular character (Although Johns and Waid have written short stories about that one, as have others). And as relatively unpopular as the Flash of the 27th century or Klarion the Witch Boy (again, a new version of an old character, not the old character) might be, there’s still a pretty big difference between them and Genius Jones and the Primate Patrole, you know?

Okay, now I’ve completely lost my train of thought.

Anyway, Doctor 13: Architecture & Mortality? Buy it and read it if you haven’t already. I can’t recommend it strongly enough. Part of me would really love the sequel that’s half-jokingly promised when the gang are running and find their path blocked by a next issue blurb (especially since it involves Black Manta, some little manta-man helpers, and Captain Fear frozen in carbonite), and part of me dreads it, as I have a feeling this is a lightning in a bottle kind of thing. Still, Azzarello and Chiang breathed new life into Dr. 13 himself, and he and Traci seem like they could easily anchor new projects in the future.






Green Arrow/Black Canary Wedding Special #1 (DC) This is an event comic book in the truest sense of that term. While the actual wedding of longtime on-again, off-again live-in lovers Dinah “Black Canary” Lance and Oliver “Green Arrow” Queen is supposed to occur in this particular issue, it’s a story that’s been spread around a couple of ongoings, a special miniseries and three seperate specials, with writers Judd Winick, Tony Bedard, J. Torres, Dwayne McDuffie and Whoever Was Assigned This Week’s Countdown all writing portions of the story. It’s not the characters or the creators that are selling this particular issue (For me personally, it’s quite the opposite—my excitement at the prospect of seeing Amanda Conner draw the entire DC Universe is completely cancelled out by my reluctance to see Winick write the entire DCU), but what we're told is going to happen within. And the whole thing stinks of a decision made in an editorial meeting and handed down to the creators to make work.

The coupling is certainly less forced than the Marvel Universe’s recent hero/hero nuptials between Black Panther and Storm, since Ollie and Dinah have actually dated for decades (our time). And yet rather than the marriage occurring naturally, as something their fictional relationship evolved towards, their trajectory towards the altar zigs and zags harshly, and seemingly at random. Shortly after Dinah's soulmate returns from the dead, for example, a wedge is forced between them, when Ollie cheated on the love of his life with a woman he just met, and the pair that death itself couldn't part become estranged. Then, out of the blue, they reunite, get engaged and, a few weeks later, are getting married.

Counterproductively, from a storytelling standpoint, DC released a trade paperback collection that includes stories from throughout the pair’s relationship, seemingly including (I gave it a flip-through, but left it on the shelf) that one time Dinah told Ollie she didn’t ever want to get married and have kids, and that other time Ollie was going to propose to her, but backed down when she casually mentioned what a bad idea that was (In the concluding chapter of Brad Meltzer, Phil Hester and Ande Parks’ "The Archer’s Quest," or, as I like to call it, “The Good Meltzer Story”).

If they were to marry, how much better would it have been to have that occasion be the one on which Ollie proposed and Dinah accepted, with the past few years (their time and our time) having served as the length of their engagement, and then the marriage occurring now?

Instead, the marriage seems hastily decided upon, simply because DC felt like it needed another event. (And I suppose here I should note how nice it is that they decided on a positive event instead of the killing of another character or the re-re-rejiggering of the universal continuity, something Superman himself observes in the issue itself—which I’m getting to, I swear—although he and I both turn out to be wrong, as this story actually ends in a shocking “death” anyway). Just as Winick’s break-up of the couple in “Straight Shooter” seemed forced on him and the characters from editorial to free up the characters so writers could do whatever the hell they wanted with them in the mean time. (In that time, Joe Kelly would have Ollie have an affair with his Justice League teammate Manitou Raven’s wife; Gail Simone would have Canary throw herself into her commitment to Barbara Gordon’s “Birds of Prey" team, then quit it to go through Shiva training, then rejoin it, then quit it to raise an adopted daughter; Brad Meltzer would make Canary the leader of the Justice League...for a week or two; and Winick would do…whatever the hell he’s been doing with Ollie in the Green Arrow monthly…I just can’t read that stuff anymore).

So just as their natural evolution towards marriage was suddenly derailed for a period of a few years, it was then suddenly, clumsily re-railed, and set on an express track.

To make a short story very long then, going in, everything about this marriage feels extremely false.

Winick recaps their relationship in the course of a three page spread, in which Conner manages to cram 21 panels of the highlights, and he includes some of the craziest prose narration imaginable, most of which sounds like bad poetry from a college creative writing class (I’d love to see Winick diagram a sentence like “Those days gave way to more days for these heroes…hard traveled”). That gives way to a spectacularly violent argument between the two over their stepping on eachother in the field—as if they hadn’t been doing this together their whole adult lives—in which Canary calls her husband-to-be a “piece of %@!$&” and then slaps him across the face*, he makes fun of her for having slept with Hawkman, Ra’s al Ghul and the U.S. Navy**, and then they do it it. Well, they make out and pull each other’s clothes off, before Canary decides they should wait until their wedding night.

Jump to Dr. Sivana and Deathstroke hatching a plan to attack the wedding, not because they think a plan to kill all the guests will actually work, but because it might work “a little,” and they’ll feel bad if they don’t try. Man, Green Arrow and Black Canary reeaallly need to get some villains of their own; I understand the burgeoning enmity between the two goatee-having warriors, but they seem to butt heads on a monthly basis now, and Sivana just seems totally random here. Doesn’t he have Marvels to kill? (No Marvels even attend the wedding). And couldn’t he come up with a better plan then to hire a bunch of guys to beat-up the heroes to death? He’s the world’s maddest scientist! Or, at least, he is when Winick’s not writing him as just another of his stock supervillains.

Now, I know I’ve complained so much about Winick’s writing on this site that I probably have zero credibility when it comes to discussing it, but I think this is a pretty solid example of why he’s such a poor fit for DC’s superheroes. It’s not just the unfamiliarity with the characters’ personalities and histories which, having written Green Arrow for so long now, has become something of a non-issue (even if things occasionally feel off when taking into account their entire histories, Winick’s generated enough of his own history that he can simply reference that and it feels natural). But Winick, like too many super-comics writers these days, has a palpable sense of embarrassment about writing superheroes that emnates from his writing, and he seems to have this compulsion to constantly butch the material up, giving it an edge. So we have our principals swearing at each other like characters in an HBO series, and constantly talking about fucking (The basis of their relationship, we’re even told, isn’t “admiration or respect” but “raging carnal desire.”. Oh Judd, you romantic!) And then there’s that ending, but let’s save that for a bit.

Admittedly, some of Winick’s sex talk is funny. I confess to a giggle at the line about the kitchen. But reading Winick’s work, one so often gets the sense that he approaches DCU superheroes as ten o’clock cop dramas in costumes, not Saturday morning cartoons. That’s fine for certain heroes—it certainly worked for the even harder-edged, more sophisticated Green Arrow and Black Canary stories Mike Grell was telling 20 years ago—but because Winick so often includes the rest of the DCU into things, it occasionally feels forced and out of place. Should Superman being in a comic book like this? Or Dr. Sivana? I’m not so sure.

On the positive side, he gets some great moments in here, and I particularly liked the page of reactions to the wedding, a sixteen-pane grid of headshots of heroes reading their invitations, with a line or so of reaction from each. It’s fun stuff. And he gives Batman a hell of a great line during his brief appearance.

Winick is almost beside the point here though. If you’ve hated all of his DC work to date (and I can only think of one, maybe two scripts of his I wouldn’t categorize as irredeemably awful), this is probably still worth a look for Conner’s art work. It is absolutely perfect. The stars’ clichéd argument over sex, and their subsequent argument about a costumed marriage, reads rather blandly, but Conner’s facial expressions completely make both scenes.

Her character work is incredible. While She has the tendency of so many artists to give everyone essentially the same face (everyone in those sixteen panels on the invitation reaction page, for example, have Amanda Conner noses and mouths and eyes), she’s a great actor, conveying emotion and personality with the expressions alone (In many panels, she recalls a more fluid, cartoonier Kevin Maguire, a comparison more easily suggested by the subject matter).

In scene after scene, she elevates the so-so dialogue to hilarity through her characterizations (Conner’s reaction to Hal about a Green Arrow II-planned bachelor party, for example, or Superman and Wonder Woman’s expressions during their talk).

And her crowd scenes are absolutely perfect. Packed with detail, she manages to do quite a bit of storytelling in the background of panels, and fills the fights with mini-narratives in the background. Her art really rewards pausing on and studying, as there are fun little details in almost every panel (I like Conner’s face when Superman, Wonder Woman and the Lanterns fly out mid-ceremony, and Lois busting out mace and brass knuckles for the superhero brawl, and Plas annoying Huntress like in their good old JLA days, or Alan Scott reacting to Beast Boy reacting to Power Girl).

Perhaps best of all, Conner has actual, honest-to-God fashion taste, something awfully rare in super-comics. Compare what Babs is wearing in Conner’s version of the bachelorette party versus the Countdown version, for example. And in the two-page spread of the wedding guests, not that Oberon, Lois Lane, Snapper Carr and Ellen Baker are all wearing, like, real people clothes, like you might actually see on real people in the real world. What a concept.

It’s really a damn shame that Conner isn’t drawing a book like this every month; I don’t know if she has the interest, but if DC’s not doing everything they can to interest her, they’re missing out on a great opportunity. A Conner drawn JLoA would be roughly one million times better than a Benes drawn one or, by the looks of it, a Joe Benitez-drawn one.

Lest it seem like I’m being too kind on Conner here and too hard on Winick, I suppose I can nitpick. She certainly has far fewer weird background choicse than Mike McKone did in the JLoA Wedding Special, but still: Tempest has been magically aged and now has white hair, not black; Lois’ hair is off-model; who’s the guy in the top hat who’s not Zatara?; what the hell is up with that weird skunk/badger-looking thing fighting on the heroes’ side and…okay, that’s all I got. Otherwise? Perfect art.

Now, about that ending…

It’s some heavy stuff, and I suppose it’s well-executed to a degree. It certainly comes out of nowhere, and, again, Conner impresses with her ability to act through the characters, the emotions on Ollie’s face as he goes from his trigger word recognition face (I’m guessing), to murder face to back to normal but now stabbed face can be read like words.

Now, ending the one-shot wedding special with a cliffhanger? Kind of dirty pool there, guys. And man, what a shift in tone. Short of Winick’s lame-ass intro and an emotional word from Babs, the book is pretty much cover to cover comedy, with even the super-battle mostly played for laughs. So the ending seems to belong in a different book altogether, and tonally clashes with everything that came before.

And also, I don’t buy it. Not that he’s really dead, because of course they're not going to re-kill a character that was so difficult to bring back to life (Kevin Smith penned one incredibly convoluted resurrection story in Quiver) but that, when her husband suddenly gets a glazed look in his eye and attempts to stab her, Canary’s first impulse is to reach for a nearby arrow and drive it into her neck. It’s not like she’s never faced a dude with a knife before. She’s an expert in unarmed hand-to-hand combat, one who went from being a judo expert to a serious martial arts bad-ass after months of intensive training by Shiva and Shiva’s own trainers. She also shoots concussive blasts out of her mouth. And if her hand was free to stab Ollie, it was also free to karate chop him or Spock him on the neck too.

In the heat of the moment, crazy stuff happens, I’m sure. But when your whole life is one heated moment of non-lethally incapacitating dudes who are trying to kill you after another, it rings really false to have Canary just haul off and stab her husband in the throat with an arrow.





The Irredeemable Ant-Man #12 (Marvel Comics) To the shock and surprise of no one, Marvel’s new comic about Ant-Man III, which is entirely premised on how unlikable its star is, has been cancelled after only twelve issues. A shame? Sure, in that this has been a consistently entertaining series, with incredible art work; one of the handful of Marvel comics that is more of a comedy than a punch ‘em up or soap opera. Like She-Hulk, X-Men First Class, Marvel Adventures Avengers and a few others, this was an honest to God comic book. In this issue, Eric O’Grady’s creator Robert Kirkman resolves a few of the character’s relastionships and essentially writes him into Avengers: The Initiative. I’ll sure miss seeing Phil Hester and Ande Parks’ work on a regular basis, but I guess I won’t have a chance to miss the new Ant-Man much. Recap Ant, on the other hand? Well, it looks like this was his last appearance. Rest in peace, Recap Ant. This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you.





JLA/Hitman #1 (DC) Here’s what I do as soon as I get home form the comic shop every Wednesday afternoon. I immediately sort my entire haul into Most Excited To Read to Least Excited To Read Order. Usually, it’s a pretty simple process, but this week was tough, as there was Amanda Conner drawing what looked like the whole DCU in the Wedding Special, the penultimate installment of World War Hulk, and this baby, which was a combination of two of my favorite comic book series of all time—Garth Ennis and John McCrea’s Hitman and the Morrison/Porter/Dell JLA, by Ennis and McCrea themselves. Guess which won out?

I was pretty shocked out how much I dug this, and how much like a lost issue of Hitman it really was; more like I found one from 1999 that I’d somehow missed than a new work by the old creators.

I could go on and on about why exactly Hitman was so great, but I don’t want to turn this into a review of that series instead of this issue. Suffice it to say that Ennis seems to do some of his smartest, sharpest work when he’s given some artificial boundaries, and when he’s working in a fictional shared universe on iconic characters, he can’t risk going too far, as he's wont to do. And for all the “I hate superheroes” bluster, that’s clearly not the case—unless Ennis’ hatred of the characters allows him to write them so much better than those who profess to love them, writers who thus have their abilities clouded by affection? (It’s a possibility, I guess).

We open with a writer approaching Clark Kent about whether or not Superman ever met Tommy “Hitman” Monaghan, and if he knew he was a killer with 500 kills under his belt (He did, in Eisner Awar- winning Hitman #34). So Kent tells a story, one that flashes back to a time the JLA needed a survivor of a Parasite attack, and turned to the one Batman knew how to find and whom he needed to get around to arresting at some point anyway.

The League is only five strong here. There's The Flash, Wonder Woman, and the three Tommy’s already met—Supes, Batman (In Batman Chronicles #4 and Hitman #1-#3) and Green Lantern Kyle Rayner (Hitman #9-#12, “Local Hero”). Ennis refers coyly back to all these stories (I particularly like the manner in which Batman approached him this time, having learned his lesson), but not JLA #5, in which he unsuccessfully tried out for the Justice League.


(Above: The greatest Kyle Rayner image ever produced)

Before Tommy joins them on the Watchtower however, we get to hang out with him and the boys, all still alive and kicking (Hitman was unusual in that it quite dramatically killed off its entire cast before it reached its conclusion), at Noonan's. Man, it was great to see and hear all those characters again, and to realize that McCrea hadn’t forgotten how to draw them (they each looked better than ever, actually) and Ennis hadn’t forgotten how to write them (I actually laughed out loud when Nat and Hacken have a discussion about Nat’s girlfriend).

Ennis is surpisingly adept at all of the Leaguers too, characterizing them just as they were being characterized in the late '90s. His Flash rides Green Lantern hard for being a newbie, smarting from his own treatment when he took over the mantle of the Flash (and subconsciously bothered by the fact that everyone seems far more accepting of Kyle as GL than they did as Kid Flash as Flash). Kyle is quick to argue with Wally an easily embarrassed and deferential to the big guns (I was thinking that Ennis treats him a little more kindly here than he did in the past, at least up until he related his encounter with Bueno Excellente). Batman is a know-it-all and a jerk, quick to argue with Superman, who argues right back. Wonder Woman is remote, professional and detached. The Trinity actually seemed like themselves for the first time in a long time, rather than someone’s personal vision of them, if that makes sense.

We can add McCrea to the list of pencilers who would be far better suited to JLA than Benes or Benitez. I mean, Jesus, just look at his stuff! Wonder Woman is beautiful, and in an exotic way. Superman and Batman have faces that ripple with expressions as their emotions change, good old crab-mask Green Lantern is all clean, smooth lines.

For Hitman fans, or for fans of both Hitman and JLA, this book is just great stuff. For those with no prior experience, it’s a pretty perfect introductionn to Caleb's All-Time Favortie-est DC Ongoing, as the monthly was just like this, only occasionally more emotionally affecting, and with superheroes coming in ones or twos, not five at once.

Now, why do you suppose this is a standalone two-issue miniseries, instead of two issues of JLA: Classified? After all, it’s a limited story by high profile creators set in the past of Justice League history, and it’s not like there’s anything a tenth as good in JLA:C at the moment. In fact, this story is more of a JLA:C story than just about all of the previous JLA:C stories, Ennis being a writer of Warren Ellis and Morrison’s stature, and this being one of the few stories that is actually set in a distinct past time period, instead of just the vague one between “Obsidian Age” and “Crisis of Conscience” that the bulk of that series has been set in.




Madman Atomic Comics #4 (Image) Mike Allred draws lots and lots of beautiful panels, while some seemingly random, not terribly interesting and rather boring cosmic stuff happens. “Am I getting $2.99’s worth of entertainment out of this?” I asked myself , as I neared the end of the book. “Shouldn’t I use this money to buy food and medicine? Or at least other comics?” And then I saw the Atomics would be appearing next issue. Dammit Allred, you know just what buttons to push, don’t you? Me and my three-bucks will be seeing you again next month then, I guess.




Marvel Adventures Avengers #16 (Marvel) Captain America and the other suspect newcomer Hawkeye is trying to join the Avengers because he secretly works for the new Masters of Evil (“We’re newer! And more evil!”). The Avengers do battle with Man-Bull, Melter, Whirlwind and the Mandroids. Unable to believe that anyone would actually call robot battlesuits “Mandroids,” Spider-Man takes a moment in the middle of the battle to call their inventor Iron Man and ask if he was really going to call them Mandroids or not. Clearly, it’s another near-perfect issue of Jeff Parker’s Avengers series, which, as I apparently never tire of saying, is by far the best Avengers book on the shelves. Believe it! Buy it! And for God's sake Marvel, let Jeff Parker write everything you publish. Everything!




Umbrella Academy: Apocalypse Suite #1 (Dark Horse Comics) This is featured in this week’s Las Vegas Weekly column, so I won’t say much about it here. Other than that it’s not only awesome, but awesome to a surprising degree. Rock star and now comic book writer, Gerard Way must now only master racecar driving, cowboying and robot-fighting, and he will have been sucessful at all of the coolest jobs in the world. Check back tomorrow night for more.




World War Hulk #4 (Marvel) You may recall from the delightfully overheated solicit that this is the issue of the miniseries in which “Everyone GOES! TOO! FAR!” I’m not sure that it’s entirely true—Rick Jones doesn’t go too far, for example—but yeah, some heroes go pretty far. After Hulk goes a few rounds with the crazy demon potion-fueled Dr. Strange, he finally completes his collection of the Marvel Illuminati, and makes them fight a monster and then each other for his amusement. Thanks to JRJR’s dependably powerful artwork, it looks great, and thanks to Greg Pak’s old-school onomotepiea and Chris Eliopouloulos’ lettering, it sounds great too. The Strange vs. Hulk fight? It goes SKRAKOOOM! “NYAAAAA!” KRAKKAROOM! WHAKOOM! Man, my ears were ringing after reading this issue. With only one more issue to go, I can see how the fighting is likely going to end, but I can’t imagine how Pak’s going to resolve the conflict.

Guest-stars include The Sentry, whose legs never get tired no matter how long he stands in one place, and President George W. Bush, whom kinda getting sick of reading about at this point (Not entirely Pak’s fault; I’m about halfway through Robert Draper’s Dead Certain, which contains plenty of anecdotes about Bush I’d never heard before. Like the first paragraph on page 88, in which Bush encounters ghosts in the White House. Someone oughta make a comic book about that).





*I find myself as fascinated as always with the caps-locked number-keys-in-place-of-swearing phenomenon. Presumably, Canary called Ollie a “piece of shit” there, because how many swear words are there that we precede with the phrase “piece of?” But still, plugging in other swear words proves pretty amusing. Go on, put in all the swear words you can think of; they all sound totally random, don't they? Still, there are five symbols there, and if one symbol equals one letter, then I can’t fathom what she called him, as every “dirty” word DC wouldn’t print in a DCU book I can think of has four words. It can’t be “bitch”—and calling him a “piece of bitch” is one of those amusing plug-ins, by the way—since later on she calls someone a “son of a bitch,” and that doesn’t get the caps-lock treatment.


**I’m aware of the Ra’s al Ghul wooing, although I don’t know if they actually did it or not. And I imagine the Navy crack was just Ollie calling her a slut without using the word slut (This isn’t a Vertigo comic, after all! Son of a bitch is one thing, but slut? No way). But what’s up with the Hawkman crack? Did I miss something, or did Canary do it with (a) Hawkman at some point?

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Marvel's December previews reviewed


AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #546
Written by Dan Slott
Art & Cover by Steve McNiven
Variant Cover by BRYAN HITCH
AMAZING! AMAZING! AMAZING!
This is it, Arachnophiles!!!! Prepare for what promises to be the most pulse-pounding piece of four color fiction to be delivered unto the Mighty Marvel Minions in decades! You asked for more Spidey! You demanded it! And, by Buckley, you're gonna get it! After the devastatingly heartwarming events of ONE MORE DAY, Peter Parker puts the past behind him and sets forth on a BRAND NEW DAY! Starting with Amazing Spider-Man #546, you now have THREE times the action! THREE times the villains! THREE times the danger! Amazing Spider-Man – Now 3 times every month! Bank on it, buck-o! And if that weren't enough: ASM #546 goes double-sized to bring you back-up features that introduce you to the new players in the lives of Peter and his family!

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #547
Written by Dan Slott
Art & Cover by Steve McNiven
AMAZING! AMAZING! AMAZING!
In this premiere month, Spidey's new status quo gets a swift punch in the gut as Dan Slott (SHE-HULK; AVENGERS: THE INITIATIVE) and super-star artist Steve McNiven (CIVIL WAR) hit the ground running with new villains, new friends, and some familiar faces that promise to make Peter's life messier than ever before. This is where it's all happening.
AMAZING SPIDER-MAN: Same Old Power. Same Old Responsibility. Brand New Day.

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #548
Written by Dan Slott
Art & Cover by Steve McNiven
AMAZING! AMAZING! AMAZING!
Dan Slott (SHE-HULK, AVENGERS:THE INITIATIVE) and Steve McNiven (CIVIL WAR) wrap up the first amazing month of Brand New Day with a deadly conflict and surprise revelation that promises to make Spider-Man's life much more difficult in the coming months. Listen up Spider-philes, three times a month won't be nearly enough for you!


I’m actually anxious about this. I think the tri-weekly format is a great idea, and it seems like Marvel has set it up to work in their favor, with different creators on different arcs, so that they’re publishing it at an accelerated rate, not creating it at an accelerated rate.

Plus, this first arc is by Dan Slott, who was born and bred to write Spider-Man*.

But there’s this whole “One More Day” business to get through yet, and it was off to one hell of a rough start. Some sort of reboot-age seems a certainty at this point. That cover, with JJJ raving about a masked menace and Spidey with a camera sure seems to imply that he’s not outted any longer.

I’m only a casual Spider-Man reader, so I really can’t process the conflicting information my brain’s getting here.

A magical continuity reboot says “Don’t Buy,” while Slott Spidey stories three times a month says “Buy!”

Guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

Kind of disappointed in the artist choice too. I like McNiven’s stuff okay, but felt really burnt on Civil War. He seemed to be the main hold up, and really seemed to rush through the last few issues, making a flawed, poorly told story come across even worse .

Hey, wait a minute. There’s art up at Newsarama’s page of previews from three different artists, and none of it looks like McNiven. The middle’s definitely Phil Jiminez. Huh.





AVENGERS: THE INITIATIVE #8 Written by DAN SLOTT. Pencils & Cover by STEFANO CASELLI. KILLED IN ACTION (Part 1 of 4) "Fresh Meat" Training is almost over for our cadets. Some will graduate. Some will washout. And, yes, some WILL die! It all starts here, in the Initiative's biggest story to date! And with the clock ticking on the first class of recruits, get ready to meet the next batch! Including new Marvels, old Marvels, at least one SKRULL, and...THE IRREDEEMABLE GIANT-MAN? Also, with the Gauntlet out of commission, just wait until you meet Camp Hammond's new Drill Instructor... he's a real Taskmaster!

And speaking of Slott…

I’m stoked to see Eric O’Grady on the cover, probably the first interesting looking cover of this so far excellent series. I think he’d be a perfect addition to an Avengers team, probably working better on a team than as a solo star actually, if only because tiny Ant-Man in group shots is a wonderful visual. And sure, he’s a total bastard, but I think he’s less irredeemable than the guy punching him in the face right there. I mean, O’Grady’s never built a murder clone of one of his friends to kill another of his friends before, has he?





She-Hulk, Hulk, Thor, Winter Soldier…is Iron Man just going around taking beatings from his fellow Marvel heroes as penance for “Civil War” now or what?




FANTASTIC FOUR: ¡ISLA DE LA MUERTE! ONE-SHOTWritten by TOM BELAND Art & Cover by JUAN DOE. Puerto Rico...island of beauty, intrigue and, for one ever-lovin', blue-eyed visitor…a pile full of danger! Ben Grimm has been keeping a secret from his teammates for years. But when Reed, Sue and Johnny investigate, the mystery brings them to the tropics, face-to-face with an old nemesis and a monstrous creature known as…EL CHUPACABRAS!! All we can say is, "¡¡QUE EL MÍO SEA MARVEL!!" 48 PGS./Rated A …$3.99

I don’t know those creators**, there’s not even a cover image to go along with the solicit, but The Thing? Chupacabras? A Spanish sub-title, upside down exclamation point and all?

Oh, I am so going to buy this.




GIANT-SIZE AVENGERS SPECIAL #1 Written by C.B. CEBULSKI, MATT YOCUM, DANIEL MERLIN GOODBREY, DOUGLAS NOBLE, T. CAMPBELL & SCOTT GRAY. Penciled by PAUL NEARY, BRIAN DENHAM, NELSON, DENIS MEDRI & ROGER LANGRIDGE. Cover by BRYAN HITCH. As the Avengers battle to take down the Serpent Society, the team recalls never-before-told tales of their past! Watch as: Spider-Man tries to integrate into a team and learns a thing or two about history, Luke Cage and Wolverine go toe-to-toe against a terrifying cosmic foe, Henry Peter Gyrich becomes an unlikely hero on an unlikely world, and Jarvis the butler cleans house…after some robot Vikings drop by unexpectedly. On top of all that—it’s the return of the critically-acclaimed Fin Fang Four by Scott Grey and Roger Langridge! That’s 55 pages of all-new comics, PLUS classic reprints from Avengers history!

Oh, thank God. There just aren’t enough Avengers titles on the shelves these days. With Mighty Avengers missing form the solicits, why, if it weren't for this special, all we'd have is New Avengers, Avengers: The Initiative, Avengers Classick, Marvel Adventures Avengers, House of M: The Avengers and Ultimates 3.





HULK VS. FIN FANG FOOM ONE-SHOT Written by PETER DAVID. Penciled by TBA. Cover by JIM CHEUNG. Prepare yourself for a showdown of epic proportions. The gamma irradiated goliath, the Hulk, faces off against the mighty Marvel monster, Fin Fang Foom. This action-packed double-sized one-shot will take two of Marvel’s BIGGEST… GREENEST monsters, and pit them against one-another. And you can be sure that when these big brutal beasts collide, ain’t nobody gonna be happy. So place you’re bets folks, cause this one’s going to make it into the last rounds…My money is on the FOOM! Plus, classic slugfests from the past!

They had me at “Fin,” because I assumed it would be followed by “Fang” and “Foom.” And it was!

Too bad about the Cheung cover. I like his art a little less each time I see it. I guess it’s because he’s doing all these not-very-interesting covers these days, instead of steady interior work. But they could wrap a Hulk vs. Fin Fang Foom comic in poisoned barbed-wire and I’d probably still buy it.




MARVEL ADVENTURES FANTASTIC FOUR #31 Written by KIRSTEN SINCLAIR. Penciled by STEVE SCOTT. Cover by LEONARD KIRK. Cleanup on Aisle Four!!!! MAN, the FF just CAN’T catch a break! Even when they’re just going shopping, they gotta deal with evil geniuses that’ve created an entire STORE designed to destroy our heroes.

I really like this write-up, because it totally sounds like the sot of story I’d have written in my head while my mom took me shopping as a little kid.





Hmm, this cover is slightly less creepy than last year’s holiday special cover (which didn’t even make sense: Why is Hulk a grown-up, but the other Marvel’s kids?!), but this joke was much funnier when told it in a Mini-Marvels strip.





I…

I…

Huh.

I….

Um…

I got nothing. That’s just…huh. Yeah, nothing.





NEW AVENGERS #37 Written by BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS. Pencils & Cover by LEINIL FRANCIS YU. It’s the throwdown of the year. The New Avengers versus the Hood's gang of super-villains, bloody, angry and shocking to the end. But still they have to ask: WHO DO YOU TRUST??

Well, one side has Luke Cage on it, and he’s known to a kick a woman right in the vagina. The other side has The Hood on it, and he’s known to shoot a dude in the groin repeatedly. Will anyone be able to reproduce when the dust settles?





Sooooo, Frog Thor, is it? This is not his/its first appearance? Where can I learn more about this intriguing concept?



OMEGA: THE UNKNOWN #3 (of 10) Written by JONATHAN LETHEM WITH KARL RUSNAK. Pencils & Cover by FAREL DALRYMPLE & PAUL HORNSCHEMEIER. Alex goes to school, the robots deliver some poisoned gifts, Omega gets a day job and The Unparalleled Mink goes a-courtin' in this third issue of the mysterious, absurd and poignant tale of the mute superhero from another world, a revival of the Gerber-Skrenes cult legend by novelist Jonathan Lethem.

Uh-oh. That’s three solicitations so far, and still no word about whether or not El Gato will appear. Color me worried.




PENANCE: RELENTLESS #4 (of 5)Written by PAUL JENKINS_Pencils & Cover by PAUL GULACY_Robbie Baldwin’s relentless quest continues as he travels to Latveria and faces off with none other than Doctor Doom! What is Doom hiding that Penance would do anything to get at…and what will he do when he gets it?

A time machine. Go back in time and try to stop the Stamford Disaster. Is there any prize involved with correctly guessing this stuff?




THE TWELVE #0 Written and Penciled by Charles Nicholas, Basil Wolverton, Will Harr, Maurice Gutwirth, Mike Robard, Sam Cooper& Chris Weston. This preview comic features the origin stories of Golden Age greats “Rockman” from USA Comics #1 (August 1941) by Charles Nicholas and Basil Wolverton and the never-before-reprinted “Laughing Mask” by Will Harr and Maurice Gutwirth from Daring Mystery Comics #2 (February 1940) and Phantom Reporter by Mike Robard and Sam Cooper from Daring Mystery Comics #3 (April 1940) along with character sketches and preview pages of the new series The Twelve by J. Michael Straczynski with art by Chris Weston.

I was pretty excited about this project when it was still being teased, but now that it’s been officially announced, my enthusiasm’s pretty deflated. It sure sounds like Watchmen with Marvel-owned pre-Marvels. By JMS. I think I’ll need a flip-through to see if this preview-y sounding thing is worth a purchase or not. Rockman is pretty sweet, after all.





ULTIMATE FANTASTIC FOUR #49 Written by MIKE CAREY. Pencils & Cover by MARK BROOKS. t's the fatal final showdown with the reimagined Red Ghost! Racing through the frozen Russian tundra, caught between the Crimson Dynamo and the Soviet Super Soldiers, our fledging heroes ask: How can you defeat a foe who can’t be touched? Think you know these villains? Just wait until you see what writer Mike Carey (X-MEN) and penciler Mark Brooks (Ultimate Spider-Man Annuals) have done to them!

But…but…but the Red Ghost and his Super-Apes are perfect just the way they are.


(Above: The way they are)

How can you possibly improve upon perfection?

Have any of you guys been reading Carey’s UFF? I’ve tried and dropped the book repeatedly, but not since Carey’s taken over. This story arc kind of intigues me, as a previous cover had Thing fighting a bear on it, and now we’ve got the Red Ghost and his Super-Apes appearing.





ULTIMATES 3 #1 (of 5) Written by JEPH LOEB. Pencils & Cover by JOE MADUREIRA & CHRISTIAN LICHTNER. Gatefold Variant Cover by JOE MADUREIRA & CHRISTIAN LICHTNER.The countdown to Ultimatum begins here and when it's over, the Ultimate Universe will never be the same! And when we say that in the Ultimate Universe, you know we ain't fooling around! A year later, who are the Ultimates? After going through the tumultuous events of the past two volumes, the Ultimates find themselves operating out of Tony Stark's mansion in New York where, no longer working for S.H.I.E.L.D., they have to make it on their own. But, a terrible secret is about to tear them apart and bring about a murder at the mansion! One of Earth's greatest heroes will die and there'll be plenty of suspects! New Members! New Adventures! And New Secrets! All this and Ultimate Venom too! Join Eisner winner and Emmy-nominated writer Jeph Loeb (TV's Heroes, FALLEN SON) and the superstar team of Joe Madureira & Christian Lichtner (UNCANNY X-MEN, Battle Chasers) as they take the Ultimates on their wildest ride yet!

Oh hey, they’re releasing this after all. I just kind of assumed it would never actually be released, and that all this talk of futzing with the Ultimate Universe would involve canceling Ultimates 3 and 4. I don’t know why, I guess when you put a writer who’s known for lateness with an artist who’s known for lateness on a book known for lateness, well, readers might come to expect a little lateness.

Although I see it’s only five issues long, so maybe that helped get it released. I mean—wait, five issues? Five?! That’s not a volume, that’ a freaking story arc. A miniseries. Ultimate War, Ultimate Six and Ultimate Power were all longer than that. Not to mention the Ultimate Galactus storyline (Oh, I’m sorry, the Ultimate “Gah-Lak-Tus” storyline).

Oh and hey, check it out: a gatefold cover. Metallic inks and die-cuts and holograms? We just got one step closer.




ESSENTIAL POWER MAN AND IRON FIST VOL. 1 TPB Written by CHRIS CLAREMONT, EDWARD HANNIGAN, JO DUFFY, STEVEN GRANT & BOB LAYTON_Penciled by JOHN BYRNE, MIKE ZECK, SAL BUSCEMA, LEE ELIAS, TREVOR VON EEDEN, MARIE SEVERIN, KERRY GAMMILL, ALAN WEISS & GREG LAROCQUE_Cover by DAVE COCKRUM. A new era of greatness begins for the most unlikely team of all! From a Night on the Town to the Day of the Death Machines, Power Man and Iron Fist -- Heroes for Hire -- face the Living Monolith, El Aguila the Maggia and more! Guest-starring the Uncanny X-Men and the Daughters of the Dragon! Collecting POWER MAN AND IRON FIST #50-72 and #74-75. 520 PGS./Rated T+ …$16.99

Can’t…keep up…so many…awesome reprints…




*I'm assuming. I don't actually have any inside information into why Mr. and Mrs. Slott decided to have a child, and whether or not they raised him specifically to write awesome Spider-Man stories or not.


**That's not this Tom Beland is it?