Review: Secret Avengers Vol. 1: Mission To Mars

Here's a pretty good example of how needlessly difficult Marvel makes it to read and/or buy their comics in trade, due to the publisher's laser-beam focus on short-term sales success over long-term sales success (i.e. constantly rebooting and renumbering their books).

It's easy enough to stay on top of the Marvel comics line if you're reading the books serially–that is, Wednesday in, Wednesday out, as they're published–or even in trade, so long as you're reading the trades as those are released. But wait a few years and then try to get into, say, The Avengers, or X-Force, or Thunderbolts or–God help you–the X-Men, and it can get tricky.

So say you want to read Secret Avengers, a book devoted to, as the title implies, an off-the-books, covert superhero team independent of the various other public Avengers. The concept is only five years old, so it shouldn't really be that hard to figure out where to start, right?

So, where to begin? With Secret Avengers Vol. 1, Secret Avengers Vol. 1, Secret Avengers Vol. 1, Secret Avengers by Rick Remender Vol. 1 or Secret Avengers: Run the Mission, Save the World, Don't Get Seen. Yes, Marvel has relaunched the book three times in the last five years resulting in three books entitled Secret Avengers Vol. 1, one of which is also published as Secret Avengers by Rick Remender Vol. 1, and the Run The Mission collection, which doesn't have a number attached, is actually a collection of issues from halfway through the first run of the comic, before it gets relaunched.

So once you figure out which Secret Avengers Vol. 1 to start with, which can be difficult if you're trying to buy the damn things online or order them from your local library online (the correct answer, by the way, is Secret Avengers Vol. 1: Mission To Mars by Ed Brubaker, Mike Deodato and company), you then have to choose between Secret Avengers Vol. 2 and Secret Avengers Vol. 2 (a third Secret Avengers Vol. 2 hasn't been published yet, but should be shortly) and Secret Avengers by Rick Remender Vol. 2. It gets easier as it goes on, with only two volumes of Secret Avengers Vol. 3 so far extant.

But instead of reading, say, Secret Avengers Vols. 1-8, the actual reading order is something like this (I think):

Secret Avengers Vol. 1

Secret Avengers Vol. 2

Secret Avengers Vol. 3

Secret Avengers Vol. 1

Secret Avengers Vol. 2

Secret Avengers Vol. 1

Secret Avengers Vol. 2 (not yet published)

Secret Avengers Vol. 3 (not yet published)

Numbers! Fuck 'em!

So having previously read Secret Avengers: Run the Mission, Don't Get Seen, Save the World (also published as Secret Avengers Vol. 3: Run thee Mission, Don't Get Seen, Save the World and the third Secret Avengers Vol. 1 (Secret Avengers: Let's Have a Problem), I finally ran across a Secret Avengers Vol. that seemed to be the first Secret Avengers Vol.1, volume one of the first volume of Secret Avengers. That's the one sub-titled Mission To Mars; Reverie is actually the fourth collection, and Let's Have a Problem the sixth, in terms of reading order, even though those two are also labeled volume one.

If it turns out that this post about this particular volume spent far more time on describing the insanity of Marvel's trade-publishing program, well, that's probably fitting. I spent more time figuring out which volume to start with and where to order it from then I did actually reading the book.

Launched in 2010 as part of the publisher's "Heroic Age" branding initiative, longtime Captain America writer Ed Brubaker begins very much en media res, assuming a little not-terribly-vital familiarity with the goings-on of the Marvel Universe. Convicted serial killer and former supervillain Norman Osborn had just vacated his Obama-appointed position as The Boss of All Superheroes (as head of the SHIELD-replacement organization HAMMER, which doesn't actually stand for anything; they just liked the sound of it). The new Boss of All Superheroes is former Captain America Steve Rogers (whose title and shield were both being used by Bucky Barnes at the time), and in addition to running SHIELD he has assembled a secret team of super-heroes whose skill-sets lend themselves to subterfuge, espionage and ass-kicking, depending on the character.

That team, revealed mostly on the cover, consists of Rogers himself, Black Widow, Valkyrie, Beast, War Machine, Nova and Moon Knight, plus Sharon Carter and Ant-Man III (Irredeemable Eric O'Grady).

Brubaker's plotting is very reminiscent of what he had done on Captain America for so long, balancing more tactile, real-world espionage and military adventure with the more fantastic elements inherent in the superhero genre, especially a shared-setting superhero comic taking place as fantastical as the Marvel Universe. The dials and knobs are merely turned and tuned differently here, as he includes a whole team of heroes, and goes bigger and crazier with the plots. I mean, you saw the sub-title, right? A large portion of this collection (of the first iteration of Secret Avengers first five issues) is set on the planet Mars, and cosmic hero Nova plays a significant role.

The very full, very fast-paced first issue introduces the entire team, in action in the present and being recruited by Rogers during flashbacks, as they recover an artifact from Roxxon that isn't The Serpent Crown, but seems to be very much like it. Rogers had space-hero Nova investigating Roxxon's mining operation on the planet Mars, where he came into contact with another crown artifact, and so the team needs to go save him. Meanwhile, a shadowy group of espionage-types in matching black uniforms with Eastern dragons on them are also after the artifacts. And they are lead by...Nick Fury?!

The first four issues are a single story arc, in which Brubaker proves particularly adept at juggling a superhero team. Despite the more real-world focus of the first issue, things get big and crazy fast. The Avengers take a spaceship to Mars, they get cool space-suits with their symbols on them, they encounter a robot from an ancient alien civilization, Nova is possessed and evil, Steve Rogers puts on Nova's power ring helmet and temporarily becomes a Captain America-ized member of the Green Lantern Corps Nova Corps, every member of the team gets to show off their powers and/or worth in some spotlight scene or another...it's big, dumb superhero comics written very smart and very sincerely, without a trace of irony or cynicism (O'Grady is the closest thing we get to a point-of-view character, as he's the only one really impressed by things like "going to Mars" and so on).

It's all drawn by Mike Deodato (with Will Conrad on one issue), who has a very particular style that he never deviates from, sometimes to the detriment of the story. His muscular figures swelling out of their spandex works well enough here, as does his attempts at hyper-realistic backgrounds and civilian scenes. This isn't a terribly subtle book, and thus Deodato's action-figure style is a good fit.

The fifth and final issue explains how and why there is apparently an evil version of Nick Fury working with the bad guys on The Shadow Council, which is kinda long and unimportant to get into here, but it's based on a bit of old Marvel trivia that one not need know to understand and/or enjoy how it unfolds. Same goes for all of the Marvel stuff, really; Brubaker name-checks Roxxon, The Serpent Crown, Celestials, Zodiac and stuff like that, but it's all thoroughly contextualized to the point that if you've read stuff about them before, it's fine, and if you haven't, the way in which they operate within the comic is apparent.

That last issue is drawn by David Aja, Michael Lark and Stefano Gaudiano, and has a different colorist than the previous four (Jose Villarrubia, rather than Rain Beredo), and it's an aesthetic 180. It's a smartly planned one, though, as the Avengers battle on Mars is over, and Brubaker turns his attention to a secret history of a Fury lookalike and his place in the world.

It's pretty good stuff, really...if you can find it.

*******************

My favorite part of the comic came during the first issue/chapter, during which Black Widow and Valkyrie, pretending to be escorts (ugh) break cover and beat up a bunch of guys, and a super-jet hovers outside the building they are in, with Steve Rogers bounding in wearing his navy blue spandex with a giant star on the chest to evacuate them and steal a chest with the super-artifact in it.

"We won and we're getting away with no one knowing who we are," the unmasked Rogers in the colorful costume who happens to be the most well-known superhero in the world, tells his unmasked colleagues. I know the comic wouldn't e as much fun to look at if all the heroes wore black clothes and matching ski-masks all the time, but they're hardly the most inconspicuous group. I guess it's a good job Valkyrie didn't bring her pegasus with her...

*******************

Speaking of costumes, I really liked the team's (mostly) red and blue space suits with their own icons on them (a star for Cap, a circle for Ant-Man, an hourglass symbol for Black Widow; Moon Knight gets his own all-white space suit), and I even liked Beast's Avengers romper.

Remember, this team is a secret team, and Beast does most of his work behind the scenes. In this panel, for example, he's in a lab looking at computers or whatever and explaining science shit. He still thought he should wear a big Avengers-logo while doing so, though.

I guess if you have that in your closet, you take whatever opportunities you have to wear it...

Comic Shop Comics: October 15

Batman & Robin Eternal #2 (DC Comics) While I'm not entirely sure how much the particular wording of a book's credits actually says about said book's creation, that for Batman & Robin Eternal seems to suggest some differences from its predecessor, Batman Eternal.

The latter featured a story written by "Scott Snyder and James Tynion IV," while this time around, Tynion gets top-billing over Snyder, seemingly indicating greater input. Batman Eternal would then feature a "script" credit that went to one or more of the several writers involved, and then credit all of the other writers involved as "consulting" or "contributing." Here, that's not the case; there' s just a story credit and a script credit, suggesting that maybe this was made more along the lines of, say, Countdown (a "showrunner" who wrote the story, with rotating script writers for each issue) versus something closer to 52 (four writers who collaborated closely enough that they felt they should all be credited each issue, like a rock band more than a TV writing staff).

Like I said, I don't know that's what the credits on these first two issues of the new Batman weekly actually mean, but it is what they suggest. So this time Tim Seeley gets the scripting credit, and I'm glad he does; his dialogue tends to have a light touch, well-suited to characters like Dick Grayson and, um, everyone else in the cast, really, as it consists of everyone in the Batman family with a sense of humor (That is, everyone but Batman himself and current Robin Damian Wayne).

The art this week is handled by Paul Pelletier (on pencils) and Tony Kordos (on inks). I actually didn't recognize it as Pelletier's pencils during the initial flip through and the first page of art, thinking Tony Daniel was still drawing it. That's not a compliment (I like Pelletier's pencils, while I loathe Daniel's), although I suppose one could compliment Pelletier on making his work look closer to DC house style.

This issue's cover is a flashback one, referring to a five-page scene in which Dick Grayson remembers the first time he smelled The Scarecrow's fear gas (That flashback does not explain why the 16-year-old Dick is only, like, three and a half feet tall on that cover). Yes, that is Dick Grayson on the cover as Robin. One day, I will get used to his now having been retroactively costumed in an amalgam of Tim Drake and Damian Wayne's Robin costumes, I suppose; I don't think I'll ever understand why DC editorial would decide to divorce the character from his immediately recognizable, time-signifying original costume. (It can't be to appeal to the videogame crowd, can it? Because Dick is Nightwing in both the Arkham games and Injustice, right? While the videogame Robins are Tim and Damian, respectively...? This costume reminds me an awful lot of the Injustice Robin costume).

So in this action-packed, character-stuffed issue, the boys from the last issue start meeting the girls. Cassandra, wearing her dumb get-up (why does a a martial artist who is practically impossible to strike need armor, exactly? Is she wearing shoulder pads and shin guards because she just got done playing ninja football before the start of this story, and hasn't had time to change yet?), shows up at Harper's apartment just in time to save her from getting fridged (whew!) by new villain The Orphan.

Dick arrives on the scene, and Stephanie Brown gets her first look at him. ("Kiss me, Sexy Batman," she says to herself; that's not a bad name for Grayson, really. Maybe they should retitle his book Grayson, relaunching it as Dick Grasyon, Sexy Batman.)

The Orphan flees, while Grayson administer's first aid to Harper. Stephanie rushes in, dressed in her Spoiler costume, shouting the dumbest possible battlecry a character named Spoiler can shout (my friend, an ardent Stephanie Brown fan, disagrees; "It's so dumb I love it," she texted me).

The characters all catch a whiff of whatever the green gas that The Orphan pumps directly into his mouth is, and Dick says it's fear gas, prompting the aforementioned flashback, which allows us to get a look at a Batman, thus justifying the title.

Red Robin (sigh) Tim Drake shows up at the apartment, brazenly still wearing his dumb costume, and announces that he's had secret camera's set up in the girls' apartment (WHAT? That is the exact sort of teen comedy I want to read about!), and Dick calls the Red Hood Jason Todd (whose new costume, remember, includes a brown hood) to warn him that there's an assassin after him...and it turns out to be Cassandra.

Pros:

•Seeley's dialogue. He writes most of these kids really well. I especially liked the chemistry and exchanges between Spoiler and Dick.

•The economy of story, as Seeley and company manage to get six heroes and a villain into just 15 pages...and still leave room for the flashback

•The visual story-telling is a massive improvement over the first issue. There wasn't a single scene I need to re-read once, let alone a couple of times, or "fix" in my head.

Cons:

•The designs. Seriously, every single character looks terrible all of the time. I'm pretty sure Spoiler has the best costume in this book, and that is not a good thing, as her costume's not that great.

•Pelletier attempts one of those neat multiple-image panels of Grayson gymnastic-ing around that Scott McDaniel used to fill the first volume of the Nightwing monthly with, but, for some reason, he draws Grayson only in silhouette, and that silhouette is colored not black (you know, the color of silhouettes), but red:

•Red Hood is shown hanging out at Noonan's, a bar he frequented in the pages of Batman Eternal. I suppose it's possible that this isn't meant to be Noonan's Sleazy Bar (perhaps Sean Noonan added the "Sleazy Bar" to the name of his bar to differentiate it from the more upscale, generic Noonan's that Red Hood is always in...?), but it's worth noting that this Noonan's looks nothing at all like the Noonan's it's almost certainly meant to reference, the current setting of Section Eight, which means the Noonan's of Hitman still exists in its original form, and that this isn't the New 52 version of Noonan's.

I'm going to award myself a No Prize and just assume Gotham City has two Noonan's; the one that Red Hood goes to (which is in The Narrows) and the one in Hitman and Section Eight, which is, of course, in The Cauldron.

Bat-Mite #5 (DC) The imp takes on his greatest challenge yet when he attempts to fix The Inferior Five, making them competent and cool. That team, as you probably know, was created in the late sixties by E. Nelson Bridwell, Otto Binder and Joe Orlando as a parody of the super-competent super-teams like The Fantastic Four, whose team name theirs echoes. While they never set the world on fire, they've hung around as cameo-makers and very occasional guest-stars here and there.

The idea of Bat-Mite attempting to fix a team that not only doesn't need fixing (his M.O. up to this point in the series), but which is defined by its weakness, provides writer Dan Jurgens with the biggest, heaviest anvil with which to strike readers with the point of this book yet.

"Your fix ruined us!" one of them tells Bat-Mite when she realizes that in addition to getting "cooler" costumes, powers and codenames, they had suddenly become more violent and bloodthirsty. Bat-Mite protests that "You're better!" to which she counters, "Not when we're not us."

So, once again, we get an indictment against over-updating old superheroes in order to make them more modern, realistic and cool...from Dan Jurgens, who has been pretty heavily involved in doing that exact thing since DC's New 52 reboot. Further confusing the message, Bat-Mite's arch-enemy in the series has been a guy stuck in the past, who never wants anything to change. I think we'll have to read the last issue, and then re-read the whole series to make sense of this.

I assume Jurgens is intentionally set on making some sort of commentary here, because it would be too strange a coincidence if this just happened without his even being aware of it, but he seems like one of the more poorly-suited writers to make such an argument.

It's also somewhat ironic that the one of the original members, Dumb Bunny, has her name changed to Tough Bunny, before Bat-Mite fixes them all (her new, temporary, post-fix codename is simply "Rabbit"). That is, presumably, because some might find the character offensive. She was originally created and consistently portrayed as a stock "dumb blonde" character, after all. Tough Bunny is a dumb name though, and doesn't really work in the way that "Dumb Bunny" did. And anyway, isn't the fact that Jurgens himself "fixes" an aspect of a character who a character of his then fixes in-story only to learn that fixing them is wrong only further muck up the point...?

As far as the actual plot of this issue goes, Bat-Mite is chuggung Big Bucks coffee drinks (what, no Sundollars?) while rushing to the scene of a battle between The Inferior Five and Gridlock's goons, who are attempting to steal a never-shown, lost pilot episode for Generic Star Trek. Mid-battle, Bat-Mite fixes them, turning them into "The Superior Six" (an evil version of the Inferior Five called The Superior Five previously appeared in Villains United, and making himself team leader. So Dumb Tough Bunny, The Blimp, Merryman, Awkwardman and White Feather become Rabbit, Zeppelin, Merrimack, Tripper and White Feather (Er, why not White Arrow, thus losing the reference to cowardice...?).

For a while, anyway. It's another stalemate between Bat-Mite and Gridlock, but there's likely a resolution coming, as the hooded imps from issue #1 appear at the ending, and they decide that banishment wasn't an effective punishment for Bat-Mite after all, and that he must be executed.

DC Comics Bombshells #3 (DC) This digital-first series reimagining DC superheroines in the manner of iconic World War II archetypes gets better and better as it goes on, with writer Marguerite Bennett expanding the circle of characters covered as the narrative continued. Not only do we see brief appearances of Bombshell versions of Big Barda, Doctor Light II and Catwoman, but this issue also introduces us to young, blue-haired (?) auto mechanic and Batwoman fan, Harper Row, something I most certainly did not ever see coming.

At $3.99, this is also a 30-page book with three, ten-page chapters, each by a different artist. The first, and best, reunites Team Marguerite, as Marguerite Sauvage returns to draw Batwoman's last night in Gotham before she "enlists" with Amanda Waller's team literally called "The Bombshells" (that's where we meet Barda and chief scientist Doctor Kimiyo Hoshi.

I've enthused about Sauvage's art on this book so much already, I hesitate to devote too many more paragraphs to it, but let's, at the very least, look at this gorgeous scene of Batwoman's last evening with her lover, and how sexy it is without actually being crass or exploitive.

I mean, they're wearing more clothing than many superheroines do, and the contact is minimal, but the intimacy is undeniable, all in the placement of the figures and the looks on their faces (For a good contrast, see Renee Montoya's introduction in 52).

The other two chapters include one drawn by Garry Brown featuring The Joker's Daughter, Zatanna and Rabbit John Constantine (see the cover) and, um, Hitler himself (?!), and another by Laura Braga, in which Wonder Woman gets her first look at modern warfare while she and Mera try to return Steve Trevor to his commanding officer...General Samson Lane.

The middle chapter, in which Zatanna and Joker's Daughter summon a demon with which Hitler and Nazi Germany can strike a deal–something that's become so cliche at this point that I find it beyond boring; anyone doing a Hitler + The Occult story really should have a super-compelling, unique twist at this point. The latter one is a nice recovery for the issue, as Bennett handles Wonder Woman's seemingly inherent "warrior for peace" paradox pretty beautifully.

I don't think this problematic nature for the character actually really surfaced until the 1990s or so, and certainly wasn't there during her Marston-written Golden Age years, when the character espoused a particular philosophy, but most modern writers tend to have a lot of trouble with Wonder Woman, as they want to portray her as a brutally efficient, sometimes bloodthirsty warrior type, and then have to try to reconcile it with the character's inherent nature, which is the opposite of that. So what we usually get is Wonder Woman lopping off limbs, stabbing foes and using her magic lasso primarily for purposes of strangulation, while she says things like, "I'd rather not hurt you, but you leave me no choice but to chop your arm off at the elbow, to teach you the meaning of love and peace or whatever. Hola!"

After five fast, efficient panels in which she describes the technology of World War II-era war-making in Amazonian terms, and then takes a shell to the back, she rips a tree out of the ground by its roots, clubs some Nazis with it, and jams the trunk down a tank barrell, saying "I have no wish to kill what I might subdue... ...And if I must show you a wonder-- Then a wonder you shall have-- --that you may stand down in awe."

I imagine the guys in the tank didn't make it out alive, but at least we didn't have to see Wonder Woman beheading them or anything, and hey, that philosophy works pretty well...the events that follow seem to indicate that as well. By proving her awesome strength and invulnerability, Wonder Woman proves the futility of opposing her, without actually having to take her foes apart. Similarly to the way Superman doesn't regularly roast petty criminals alive with his heat-vision; because he can generally means he doesn't have to, you know?

With Sensation Comics winding down its run, Bombshells may very well end up being the best Wonder Woman comic available...

Jem and The Holograms Vol. 1: Showtime (IDW Publishing) I intend to write much (much, much) more about this later, probably here at EDILW and elsewhere, but this was very good. I mean, I rather expected it to be good, having been a huge fan of artist Sophie Campbell's work since I first encountered it in Tokyopop zombie OEL manga The Abandonded (created when she was still using the name Ross Campbell) and read everything she had drawn or written and drawn since.

What I didn't expect it to be was not only great-looking, but really well-written, and a pretty hilarious, occasionally quite melodramatic take on the characters and concepts of the original cartoon show (which I watched in the youth) and doll line (which my sister collected and played with). It's very, very different...but also very true to the spirit of the original in a way I find a little mind-boggling. Like, Kelly Thompson and Sophie Campbell's IDW Jem and The Holograms series is to the Jem and The Holograms cartoon what Grant Morrison and Frank Quitely's All-Star Superman is to the Superman franchise.

The only way I think it could be improved would be if it were renamed Pizazz and The Misfits, because goddam does Campbell draw incredible images of Pizazz screaming, yelling and swearing giant green skulls in dialogue balloons:

I'm not always crazy about IDW's collections, particularly their Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ones, which I read the first 10 volumes or so of, and kept finding out that because they publish so many one-shots and miniseries, you couldn't really read follow the story in trade (although I guess they're no going back and collecting everything together...after I've already bought like $200 worth of trades). But this? This is a great collection. In addition to collecting the first six issues of the series (a complete story arc), it features what appears to be all of the one million covers in a gallery at the back, a dozen profiles of the major members of the cast, a foreword by writer Thompson, an afterword by artist Sophie Campbell and "Behind the scenes" prose piece by editor John Barber.

As I've said a repeatedly here in the past, I prefer collections to have this sort of supplementary material, which helps contextualize what you're about to read or just finished reading (more important in collections of older material to be sure), give the reader a little more value for their dollar (although at just $19.99, this trade is a good four books or so cheaper than the single issues would have been) and generally just make a case for why the book is worthy of being collected at all. I know when trade collections first started appearing in the late 1980s and early 1990s, that was a more important thing, as collections of comic books were at that point rare; now, the Big Two and most of the other smaller publisher collect everything, sometimes to the detriment of the diet market, I think. (Would a shitty comic like, say, Doomed or The Ravagers lasted longer if direct market readers knew they had to buy the first few issues to see if they liked it or not, as they couldn't assume they could just wait six months and then buy the trade if the books get good reviews and good buzz...?)

Anyway, Jem is amazing, and if you havne't been reading it, please start doing so with this trade. Imagine a brightly, occasionally glarish glam rock Wet Moon in the form of a CW melodrama with a too-diverse-for TV cast and a insane, super-villain of a band leader making faces like this all the time:

Lumberjanes: Beyond Bay Leaf #1 (Boom Studios) Confession: I read this comic Wednesday night, but I just now got the pun in the sub-title, as I re-pondered what it meant in relation to the story within.

You probably all got it immediately, huh?

Well, this is an oversized, $4.99/32-page one-shot special written by Faith Erin Hicks (and, sadly, just written by FEH; I would love to see her draw a whole Lumberjanes comic at some point) and drawn by Rosemary Valero-O'Connell, whose style actually seems to have a bit of FEH inspiration in it...or they were both inspired by similar artists, maybe. Anyway, if you told me that Faith Erin Hicks drew this, and then flipped the pages really quickly before I could really study any of the line-work for longer than a split-second, I'd believe you.

The story is, like most Lumberjanes stories, basically a bunch of random weirdness, confronted with aplomb, a sense of humor and a complete lack of fear, cynicism or wonder by our heroines. Jen takes our gang out into the woods to study the stars, but Ripley gets distracted by "a ghost pony" and gives chase. The girls seek her out, and find some sort of ogress with spooky wolf dog things that hunts ghost ponies.

I really loved Valero-O'Connell's expression's on the magical horse, as it deals with Ripley:

There's more to it than random weirdeness appears, gets confronted, gets defeated and forgotten, as Hicks riffs on a theme that occasionally appears within the regular monthly, book–the girls' desire that their summer never end and that they never have to part, which should strike an elegiac tone with the book's many adult readers–but it's hardly an over-serious moment.

At $5, it's probably a little too pricey, even though it is ten story pages longer than the $3.99 regular issues. I would probably have passed on it for price alone, save for the fact that Boom's been a bit slow to collect the series into trade, making the serially-published comics the best way to read it. Also, I'm really glad that this book exists in the direct market (even though I wish it had a better and stronger presence among trade paperback collections, so more little girls could read it more often, you know?).

SpongeBob Comics #49 (United Plankton Pictures) Let's see, what three, completely-cliched words can I use to best describe this horror-themed issue of SpongeBob Comics, the best anthology gag comic available in the comics market today?

Oh, of course!

Best. Issue. Ever.

Okay, I guess the issue got me think of The Simpsons for two reasons. Firstly, the Halloween issues of the long-running cartoon's long-running comic book iteration are generally the best ones of the year, taking greater and weirder risks with the stories and the unlikely talents involved. And, secondly, because Kelley Jones once drew a Simpsons story in a Treehouse of Horror issue, and that's something I never expected to see.

Just as I never expected to see Kelley Jones drawing a cover for SpongeBob Comics, but here it is, with the artist making Patrick, SpongeBob and Squidward look like genuinely horrifying sea monsters (artist Stephanie Yue draws the back cover, which has the same basic content, only it's, you know, darling).

And Jones isn't the only one of my favorite artists involved! Richard Sala provides a ghost pirate-filled pin-up in the back, one of the two that appears.

Also in this issue? A fairly crazy collaboration between Derek Drymon and Gregg Schigiel, working in their normal, perfectly faithful to the subject matter style, with Stephen R. Bissette, who draws the "monster art" into the story. A riff on Poe's "Tell-Tale Heart" and to a lesser (but more obvious, given the creators involved) extent, Swamp Thing (I eagerly await Mike Sterling's thoughts on the story).

That's followed by a four-page Mark Martin comic, a one-page edutainment comic about map monsters drawn by Vanessa Davis and a 10-page story wirtten by Kaz and drawn by Tony Millionaire, whose monsters are delightful, and whose art is a joy to see in full-color. Plus your monthly does of James Kochalka, and two more pin-ups. I'd say it's a great issue for people who don't usually read the comic, or don't usually watch (or even like, or even know anything about about the cartoon but, well, that's every issue of SpongeBob Comics.

Sunday In The Park With Boys (Koyama Press) This is an old book, purchased on the strength of cartoonist Jane Mai's upcoming book See You Next Tuesday, which is one of the best things I've read in a very long time and I would encourage you all to go buy and read it as soon as it comes out. This is very, very different. Mai's art here is much more carefully produced, and her subject matter a lot darker and more serious. If Tuesday is a comedic collection of funny diary ccomics, then Sunday is a collection of poems in the forms of comics.

I really enjoyed the Stinky story; Stinky is her dog, and he gives her very good advice on her existential dilemmas.

Three recent DC comics of some note

1.) Detective Comics #45: This issue marks the beginning of both a new creative team and a new story arc, the second Detective story since the post-"Endgame"/Convergence change in status quo in the world of Batman, with (former) Commissioner James Gordon donning a robot battle suit and doffing his mustache to replace the amnesiac Bruce Wayne as Batman.

As the clear franchise B-title–it's no coincidence that it gets another new creative team, while A-title Batman has had the same writer, penciller and inker team since fall of 2011–Detective more often than not follows, reacts to or otherwise stays out of the way of whatever Scott Snyder and company are doing in Batman. The drastic change in direction may actually be beneficial to Tec, though; the first story arc focused on Gordon's support staff among the Gotham City Police Department, while this one introduces the new Batman to the Justice League...a move that oughta pique some interest in the title.

In that respect, the new writer demonstrates some real market savvy in his first issue. That writer, by the way, is Peter Tomasi, who has had plenty of Batman-writing experience, most recently on a 50-ish run on Batman and Robin (spanning the end of the pre-New 52 incarnation and the entirety of the post-reboot version of the title).

He's paired with a rtistMarcio Takara, his Batman and Robin partner Patrick Gleason having gone on to both write and draw new title Robin: Son of Batman. I like Takara's artwork quite a bit. The craft is quite solid, the story-telling ideal and the style flat, dynamic and just-detailed enough, never over-busy. The cover isn't by Takara, but by Andrew Robinson. If you so much as glance at it, you'll likely notice something pretty remarkable about the Justice League and, through it, the state and management of the DC Universe at this point (four years after their New 52 reboot and rebranding, and a few months after their refocusing "DCYou" initiative).

See, that is The Justice League, but you probably don't recognize them as being the exact same characters as this bunch.

After a very weird two-page opening in which what appears to be sentient water drowns a group of people and steals their eye balls, and then a page of amnesiac, bearded Bruce Wayne talking about his amnesia with the newly left-handed Alfred, there's a knock at the door, and Alfred answers it to reveal Takara's version of the League:

Going clockwise, we see Shazam, Wonder Woman in here new costume, Aquaman in his new costume, Superman in his new costume (sporting a new haircut and a new status quo in which he's been massively de-powered and now has a public identity), The Flash in what looks like a new costume but could just be a rather poor drawing of his terrible New 52 redesign (I haven't been able to force myself to read any issues of The Flash in a long time, even when I don't have to pay for 'em), and Cyborg in what is his third design since Justice League #1.

Coupled with the fact that they are here to recruit a new Batman, that means every single member of the New 52's founding Justice League has been re-designed and re-tooled, all almost simultaneously. Not present is Green Lantern Hal Jordan, who, fear not, has also been re-designed and given a new, radically different status quo.

It's a state of affairs reminiscent of the 1990s (think Superman's death and replacement and resurrection; Batman's crippling and replacement by Azrael; Wonder Woman's loss of her role and costume to Artemis; Aquaman's hook hand and bearded look, et cetera). Those changes all came after the first–the "death" of Superman–proved popular and, of course, after decades of the characters changing really rather little. Even if you look at Crisis On Infinite Earths as the start of a "new" continuity for the then 50-year-old DC Universe, it was about a decade before the publisher started redesigning their characters and trying out radical changes in direction.

All of this happened after just five years of the current continuity/status quo. (And even if a few of the ideas, like the new Batman or Superman losing his secret identity arose organically with a couple of writers, it's clear that there was a top-down decision to shake everything up heading out of the Convergence break and into "DCYou."

But back to the story, Aflred isn't exactly happy to see the Justice League on his door step...particularly since, as he had already explained to Superman, Bruce's loss of memory isn't your garden variety amnesia, but he actually came back from the dead with a brand-new brain, one completely devoid of all the skills and instincts of his years of training and Batmanning, meaning he can't be Batman, even if he finds out he used to be.

After a few pages of discussion between Alfred and various Leaguers, Bruce Wayne interrupts, learning that he used to lend his help to the League in the past (they don't tell him in what capacity, however). They are there because they desperately need him, and Wonder Woman wants to give him the magic lasso treatment to magically verify what Alfred has already scientifically verified.

Meanwhile, Tomasi introduces us to the new Batman, who is in the middle of trying to deal with fighter jets piloted by mind-controlled thralls (courtesy of The Mad Hatter), and he gets a helping hand from the visiting Leaguers. After the brief team-up, they discuss their need for Batman's detective skills, and since Gordon is both currently Batman and not all that bad a detective, they welcome him aboard.

The book ends with a very weird splash page, the sort showing a big, crazy moment not unlike those that Geoff Johns might end an issue with.

All in all, Tomasi gets quite a bit done in a single issue–he gets a whole 22-pages, as this is one of DC's new $3.99/22-page books–introducing the old Batman, the new Batman and the Justice League. It was kind of fun to see this League functioning as a team too, as their home title is currently caught up in a massive storyline ("The Darkseid War") and both Justice League books–Justice League and JLA–are both unfolding at some point in the recent past before all the changes evident here.

It's a nice, fresh start for the book, really, and nothing says more about Takara's skills than the fact that the hodge-podge visuals of this Justice League–which weren't all designed by the same guy, like they were in Justice League #1–all seem to fit together and look like they belong not only on the same world, but in the same comic book.

2.) Grayson #12: DC isn't abandoning their current direction for former Robin Dick Grayson, as a sexy super-spy working for Spyral, and perhaps there's no real reason to do so (Grayson has proven much more interesting than anything in the New 52 Nightwing, and in a rebooted universe without the Teen Titans or generations of heroes in general, there's the character lacks much juice to be anything more than a junior, cape-less Batman more prone to smiling).

That said, they are here resolving an aspect of the new direction. Grayson went into super-spying after his public identity was revealed to the world during the events of Forever Evil (and miraculously, unbelievably, no one managed to figure out that if Dick Grayson was Nightwing, then Bruce Wayne must be Batman...except for Lex Luthor). He and Batman took off their shirts, beat the living hell out of one another for, like, 18 pages, and then decided that Grayson would fake his death and join Spyral to spy on the spies for Batman.

The thing was that only Batman knew Grayson hadn't died. So everyone–Alfred, Batgirl, Red Robin Tim Drake, back-from-the-dead Damian Wayne–thought Dick was dead. The fact that Batman Bruce Wayne then "died" himself, only to come back with no memory of anything prior to his resurrection, set up some interesting possibilities for Grayson. The title character was now literally left out in the cold, his only lifeline dead.

Curious then that writers Tom King and Tim Seeley decide instead to have Dick simply return to Gotham and announce that he's not dead after all. Perhaps it was out of their control though; Grayson being back on the board in an official capacity certainly makes Batman and Robin Forever something that's, you know, possible.

To their credit, as truncated, even hurried as this issue is, they craft a fairly solid story out of it. Alfred preps Dick Grayson for a meeting with Bruce Wayne, by rather hilariously giving him a ridiculous disguise. I particularly like this panel, where he seemingly just slaps a goatee on him.

In the first instance of a repeating motif, when Dick confronts Bruce (he wants to see his amnesia/new brain for himself), artist Mikel Janin draws a background-less splash image of the character, with "samples" of dialogue that Bruce Wayne has previously spoken to Dick (from comics throughout the characters' history, not simply stopping at the beginning of the New 52-boot), appearing in tail-less, gray-on-black dialogue balloons.

This will repeat with Red Robin and Red Hood, Batgirl and Robin.

Dick tries to get out, but Spyral refuses to let him go, and essentially black mail him: If he leaves Spyral, they tell the world Bruce Wayne is–or at least was–Batman. In a typically smart fashion, one pretty clearly telegraphed in the opening pages in which Alfred talks about the differences between lying and performing (a nice echo to the pep talk Grant Morrison had Alfred give Dick at the start of his second tenure as Batman, in which he encouraged the former circus acrobat to think of Batman as a role he was playing in a performance), Dick's visits to his old allies serve a double purpose.

He announces that he's actually alive, gives them gifts and tells them how he feels about them...while also putting together a heist of sorts that all comes together in the last two pages, as he has rallied his old allies to help him turn the tables on Spyral.

It's some damn good plotting, pulled off exceptionally well.

The details are a little uncomfortable in some instances. I still don't like the way that Jason Todd is treated as Tim and Dick's "brother" after him having spent most of his post-resurrection time before the reboot actively trying to kill them, and I'm not entirely clear on what sort of relationship he actually had with Barbara Gordon (who seems so de-aged that she seems like she's maybe closer to Tim Drake than Dick Grayson in age now) is anymore.

I thought these two panels were ridiculously sweet, though:

In fact, I'm pretty sure I actually said "Aw" when I read them. I like the juxtaposition of the sweet ninja gymastic moves applied to something so human and tender as a hug.

3.) We Are Robin #4: I've been of two minds about this title for the first few issues. The idea of Gotham youth adopting Batman's teenage sidekick as a concept around which to build a movement is certainly interesting, even if it seems a little overly-evocative of a few other Batman stories and DC comics.

It doesn't seem like a terribly sustainable idea, given that there are already seemingly as many Robins as there are Green Lanterns, and the series is premised on the characters filling a void left by Batman's "death." There's also the revelation of a familiar character behind the movement, manipulating it that, if not a red (robin) herring, is fairly problematic.

That said, the interior art of those first few issues was pretty great, I liked the focus on recurring Batman character (and popular post-Damian Robin candidate, and Futures End's Robin) Duke Thomas and the mystery of who was behind it all was generally compelling.

What I didn't like, however, beyond the previously mentioned conceptual concerns, was writer Lee Bermejo's covers, which aren't my cup of tea, and very poorly telegraphed what the comic book actually looked like (Jorge Corona and company's style couldn't be further from Bermejo's; I probably wouldn't have even picked an issue of this book up if it wasn't literally put into my hands) and his usage of social media handles and conversation as constant narration. Maybe I am just very old, but I find that shit so goddam irritating.

This issue is a sort of (rather early, really) breather issue, a pause after the big event that ended the previous issue, and lead to the death of one of the Robins. It also seems positioned as a sort of jumping-on point, prominently featuring not only Batgirl, but also a two-page "Who Are The Robins?" breakdown of the half-dozen main characters in the ensemble cast...including the one who is no longer with us. (They're not bonus pages though; this is a $3.99 book, but there are only 20 story pages).

Unlike the previous issues, this one focuses on a single one of the Robins, Riko Sheridan, as she tries to cope with the aftermath of having lost an ally in the movement, tries to fight some crime on her own and meets and teams-up with her hero Batgirl.

The best part is, by far, the art. James Harvey pencils, inks and colors it, with Diana Egea sharing the inking credit and Alex Jafe the coloring credit.

I don't really have enough words to describe how good the art is, but it is fantastic. It's so good, I hardly cared what the book was about or who the character were, I just wanted to read it. Harvey's page lay-outs are gutter-less, giving every page a somewhat crowded, mosaic like feeling. It's flat, but urgent; feeling like a bedroom full of posters or a urban wall covered in show fliers.

His character designs and the way he rendered people sometimes made me think of the work of Brandon Graham, and sometimes made me think of Taiyo Masumoto (of Tekkon Kinkreet fame, which is high praise indeed).

I can't help but wonder if every issue of this book like this, inside and outside, if it wouldn't be doing better in the market...or at least with critics.

Check out Riko's tights:

Or her costume, which is infinitely cooler than the one she usually wears:

Or this panel, which also reminded me of Tekkon Kinkreet, of her and Batgirl casually sitting very high above the city streets:

Riko's battle here is a pretty simple one, amounting to basically enforcing a local ban on public burning by some juvenile delinquents, but then, it's the sort of entry-level crime one would expect a brand-new, hobbyist crime-fighter/vigilante to deal with, isn't it?

After reading this, not only did I want Harvey to take over this book–not the Ben-Day dot coloring!–but I also wanted Riko to join Batgirl as her Robin. I know Gotham already has a Batgirl, a Bluebird and a Spoiler, and Cassandra Cain and Carrie Kelly are both out there too (I think; they didn't kill off the latter, did they?), but surely there's room for one more crime-fighting girl on the streets, right...?

On Batman Vol. 7: Endgame

Batman Vol. 7: Endgame collects writer Scott Snyder, pencil artist Greg Capullo and inker Danny Miki's five-issue story arc of the same name, which ran from issues #35 through #40 of their ongoing monthly Batman title (plus 14 wildly divergent variant covers in a gallery in the back). Marketed, sold and told as a sort of last Batman story, or a last Joker story, or at least a last Batman versus The Joker story, it featured the unexpected (by the characters, not the readers) return of The Joker for a final, apocalyptic showdown against the Batman, one that could literally destroy Gotham City and actually begins with The Joker taking the entire Justice League off the board (A one-issue Batman vs. The Justice League story that also served the purpose of explaining why Batman didn't just call his friend Superman in to save the day at the climax...as well as presenting a cool Batman vs. The League fight, and letting Capullo draw some of the other iconic DC characters. This made up the bulk of the special issue DC and comic shops were giving away for free on last month's "Batman Day").

Constructed as a deliberate parallel of Snyder and company's own "Death of the Family," it features The Joker with a brand new joke–an elaborate "Is he telling the truth, or is he lying?" mind-fuck for Batman and the Bat-Family–and ends with the same single syllable phrase that "Death" ended with. I actually really liked the "joke" here, and the way that Synder sells it so completely, so that a reader can read it the same way Batman might–Either The Joker is telling the truth, and he's actually an extremely different character with an extremely different nature than anyone ever thought, or he's lying to mess with Batman, but doing a damn fine job of doing it and getting under Batman's skin. The way I read the ending, The Joker revealed that he didn't believe his own story (the same way it fell apart at the climax of "Death of the Family" when Batman confronted him with it), whereas Batman seemed to at least believe a part of it, although he was also clearly taunting The Joker (sorry I'm being vague; I'm trying not to spoil it too much).

I think this is somewhat undermined by the early chapters of "Endgame," however. In "Death," The Joker was convincing Batman's allies that he knew who Batman really was and who they all were, thanks to having infiltrated the Batcave during a very early battle with Batman. Batman, who knew it was impossible for an ordinary human being to infiltrate the cave in that manner–it would have involved swimming a great distances underwater, longer than anyone could hold their breath–knew The Joker was lying, but the lie nevertheless helped drive a wedge between him and his allies.

However, in "Endgame" we find out that The Joker, contrary to the events of "Death" (both the climax where the book of secrets is shown to be blank and the denoument wherein Batman told Alfred how he knew The Joker didn't know, or even care, who he really was), really does know who Batman really is.

I wanted to share a few thoughts and observations I had while reading the story, which is an extremely engaging one, that, like Snyder's best Batman stories, really sunk its hooks in me, and I couldn't stop reading once I started. I've tried to stay spoiler-lite in the above paragraphs, as I don't really believe in spoilers (I mean, you are reading someone discussing the book and all), but I'll include a warning just because it seems to be superhero comic-writing-about-etiquette: I'm going to discuss specific plot points below, so if you haven't yet read "Endgame" serially or picked up the recently-released collection, and don't want to know what occurs within its pages, don't read the rest of this post. Please come back after you have read "Endgame" though; it should still be here.

–A Joker-ized Justice League vs. Batman is actually something I've thought about before, in a "Hey, that would be a cool story kind of way." Probably at least since the Joker's Last Laugh event, in which Joker uses a specialized version of his venom/gas to "Joker-ize" various villains, creating a bunch of bad-buys with his sense of humor and look (I've noted before that I really like temporary, story-specific character re-designs, as those in Blackest Night; there's something cool about seeing a very familiar costume or character in a fresh color or look).

In my mind, a Joker-ized Justice League would of course wear purple and green instead of their normal colors, but that wouldn't really work here, as the drama in that first chapter is the slow reveal of why the Justice League is suddenly trying to murder their colleague Batman for no reason, and it's only at the very end that we learn that it's The Joker behind it. Superman is the only one standing long enough to reveal other symptoms of Jokerization, including whitening skin and a rictus grin.

–It was amusing to see Batman break out his Justice League Fighting Protocols here, and see that they are so different from past Justice League Fighting Protocols, like those Mark Waid helped him think up in the "Tower of Babel" story arc from Waid's JLA run, or the more recent ones from Geoff Johns' Justice League/Forever Evil (in which Batman kept a special briefcase stamped with each Leaguer's logo containing an item to take them out with.

–The Joker's elaborate joke/lie here is that he's not exactly human, and is something of an immortal...or at least centuries old, and able to recover from the most grievous mortal wounds (he grew his own face back, for example). This is first revealed through a series of historical newspaper photos, in which a pale or grinning man appears at the scenes of various Gotham City tragedies: The Joker as Slender Man, I suppose. (The character explaining all of this alludes to Vandal Savage and Ra's al Ghul without naming them, although Capullo draws them; the idea is that The Joker discovered a very rare, naturally occurring substance in pre-Gotham that grants a form of immortality, and internalized it...the substance in the Lazarus pits is a degraded form of the substance).

The Joker takes it very far, even saying he had to use make-up and muscle-relaxers while The (original) Red Hood, as this new origin of his would predate his original "origin," and this explains his decades-long ability to constantly escape death, and is in keeping with Grant Morrison's conception of him as an ever-evolving villain, with a different schtick and portrayal during successive appearances.

Again, Snyder keeps it ambiguous here, with Julia Pennyworth noting that if the pictures were doctored, they were done so better than any other photo-doctoring she had seen (Which is, of course, just another way of saying they could be doctored). Batman is fairly convinced, by the climax, that The Joker is just messing with him, although he does seem to equivocate a bit during his "last" words. The Joker, for his part, doesn't seem to buy it; after suffering mortal wounds, he desperately tries to crawl to a pool of the substance, with Batman holding him back, telling him he doesn't need it, since he's internalized it (So: Either the Joker discovered this pool centuries ago, and is an immortal, infernal entity haunting and harming Gotham throughout its entire history, or he discovered this pool shortly after the end of "Death," and then used it to heal his face and wounds...and then concoct this elaborate plan).

–This story, by the way, should make whatever Geoff Johns is planning in "Darkseid War," wherein Batman learns the Joker's true identity thanks to the Moebius Chair of Metron, interesting. Assuming, of course, that Johns is planning on doing something with that revelation, other than having Batman ask, find out, and then later forget when he's inevitably separated from the chair and loses his surely temporary godhood.

–It should probably go without saying at this point, but this is one of the many, many stories that would actually have worked far better in the old, pre-New 52 DC Universe. There, Batman and The Joker had been fighting one another for what would have seemed like forever to readers (at least ten years, in-continuity, perhaps longer in various readers' "head" continuity). Here though, Batman and The Joker have only been doing their dance about seven years now, and that's if you include the Bruce Wayne/Red Hood Gang conflict from "Zero Year."

We've only seen a few Joker vs. Batman stories actually dramatized–"Death of The Family," whatever the hell Tony Daniel was doing in Detective #1, a few flashbacks in other Batman adjacent books–and we know The Killing Joke and "A Death In The Family" still happened...or at least the events in them happened, just in different ways than in the stories themselves (goddam stupid reboot; these would be two good examples of DC's new "secret" continuity, wherein stories tell us that some stories happened, but in drastically altered ways that differ from the stories you can still find, buy and read in pre-Flashpoint comics and collections). Even though the outcome of both stories was reversed. Andy Kubert even drew variant covers for issues of this story arc depicting The Joker's roles in those two stories, for what it's worth (see above).

The Penguin, Man-Bat, Killer Croc, Poison Ivy, The Mad Hatter, Clayface, Bane and Mister Freeze have all fought Batman at least three times more often than The Joker in post-reboot Batman history; The Scarecrow has probably fought Batman ten times as often as The Joker.

–What ringtone has Jim Gordon assigned to Batman on his cellphone...? Well, it includes the lyrics "I fought the law," so it is either The Bobby Fuller Four's 1966 "I Fought The Law", or The Clash's 1979 cover of it or the 1987 Dead Kennedys cover of it.

I would imagine Gordon was more of a Bobby Fuller man, but maybe in the New 52, wherein we have a younger, fitter Gordon, he's more into The Clash.

I can't imagine it's the Dead Kennedys version, although I suppose it's possible. The major difference between their version and the earlier versions–well, one difference–is that the original line of "I fought the law, and the law won" is changed to "I fought the law, and I won." Given their version's real-life inspiration, I suppose it's possible that at this point in Gordon's career–in which he just spent a long-ass time in Blackgate prison for a crime he didn't commit–he's a bit down on the justice system.

–So, were you wondering if and when DC would update goofy villain Crazy Quilt, originally created by Jack Kirby in Boy Commandos, and then later adopted by Blackhawk and Batman as a villain, into a darker, grimmer, grittier version? Wonder no more!

There were two guys named Crazy Quilt; Kirby's original one from the 1940s and a later one that surfaced in the 1970s and '80s in Gotham City. That second one had a helmet that restored his messed-up vision and shot laser beams and controlled minds and stuff, because why not?

Snyder and Capullo's reinvention of the character is about as banal as can be: He's a crazy guy who wears a quilt.

They never even use the name "Crazy Quilt," making his appearance in the comic something of an Easter Egg or inside joke. When Batman talks to Dick Grayson about him via Bat-radio, Batman refers to a Dr. Paul Dekker, and Grayson responds, "Huh. Paul Dekker? AKA--"

Batman cuts him off before Grayson can say whatever was meant to follow "AKA"–"Crazy Quilt," presumably–by saying "Yes" and continuing his explanation.

–Probably my unintentionally favorite part of the book after the introduction of Dark Crazy Quilt came during Batman's talk with Grayson.

"Joker knows who I am," Batman tells him grimly, to which Grayson responds, "It's over, then. I mean...over. There's no staving it off. No barrier to it."

Guys, I'm pretty sure everyone in the whole world knows that Batman is really Bruce Wayne now. Remember Forever Evil, when The Crime Syndicate publicly unmasked Batman ally and Gotham-based vigilante Nightwing as Bruce Wayne's ward Dick Grayson on live television, putting his driver's on the screen and everything? I know Lex Luthor is the only one who came out and said it, but how hard would it be to connect Nightwing's friend and sponsor to Batman, especially since Bruce Wayne is publicly known to fund Batman?

Still, they both act like this is a big deal, and not, like something anyone with a television set or Internet access would have put together months ago.

–As the story reaches its climax, Joker's new toxin, which essentially turns people into Joker-themed zombies, is spreading throughout the city, and he takes to the streets at the head of a big, weird parade, the various floats assembled from stolen trophies from the Batcave, and skull and skeleton-themed costumes.

As far as I can recall at the moment, this is the first and only direct allusion to the climax of the parade sequence in Batman '89; Capullo even draws a few parade balloons in a vaguely Tim Burton-designed style, like those in the Nicholson Joker's parade.

No Prince music, though.

–So Alfred Pennyworth, attempting to defend the Batcave from The Joker's infiltration, has his right hand chopped off with a meat cleaver. I...did not care for this scene, which didn't really serve any real purpose other than adding another notch in the Joker's belt of scarring Batman's allies (although Jason Todd came back to life and Barbara Gordon regained the use of her legs, so those notches aren't as deep as they were pre-New 52).

What I most dislike about the maiming, however, is the scene at the end of the book. Alfred is laying in a bed–presumably a hospital bed–two weeks after Batman/Bruce Wayne seemingly dies in a battle to the death with The Joker, and his daughter Julia mentions his hand to him.

"I know this isn't what you'd like to talk about, but your hand. They've managed to preserve it until now, but if you don't--"

Alfred cuts her off, saying "No. There's no one to mend anymore."

Okay, so he believe Batman Bruce Wayne is dead at that point. And he believe Dick Grayson, who replaced Batman as Batman II after the events of "Batman R.I.P."/Final Crisis (still in-continuity, in that kinda sorta "secret continuity" way) is dead. And Robin Damian Wayne is still dead.* Still. If Alfred really thinks the only point of having two hands is to mend the wounds of Batmen, well, he has to assume Jason Todd or Tim Drake are going to start dressing like Bats within a few weeks.

And even if he's not thinking about the fact that he's going to need to stitch up any of Gotham's vigilantes, it's a really weird, defeatist attitude for Alfred to have, no matter how depressed and defeated he must feel. Hell, maintaining that mustache is going to be rough with just one hand...

–As Batman believes the main ingredient needed to concoct a cure to The Joker's gas attack is The Joker's own spinal fluid, he prepares to storm The Joker's parade, which means taking on an army of Joker zombies (referred to as "Gigglers" by Batgirl at one point).

He assembles his allies and...that's it? Okay, so Dick Grayson is faking his death and Robin Damian is apparently actually still dead at this point, but what a paltry turn out! Where's Batwoman? Catwoman? Spoiler? Talon? (Is Talon dead? I haven't seen or heard from him in a while.) Batwing/Luke Fox? Jim Corrigan? Anyone from Batman, Inc? Tim's equally badly dressed allies?

For comparison's sake, here's who showed up to help Batman against the Final Boss in the final issue of Batman Eternal:

(If you didn't read Batman Eternal, and are wondering who the guy laying on the ground is, that's Batman; he had to make a makeshift mask after having his costume cut off of him.)

–Batman does call in some more help than the four shown in that above panel, though. He talks these guys into pitching in, too.

I liked this panel, in large part because it gave Capullo a chance to draw a healthy swathe of Batman's rogue's gallery.

It's a motley lot, to be sure, but it's easy enough to see Killer Croc, who helped Batman out in Batman Eternal, and Poison Ivy, who did a recent stint with the New 52 version of Birds of Prey, pitching in. Mister Freeze and Bane are also bad guys who aren't that bad, on the scale of Batman villain bad-ness, anyway.

The Penguin I could only really see pitching in out of self-interest, but one might expect him to have the soldiers in his organization do the actual fighting.

The Scarecrow is the only one who seems to be completely out of place here, as it's hard to imagine him lifting a finger to save Gotham City, especially if it meant risking his own life as it does.

I don't like Capullo's version of The Scarecrow here, which seems to mix the standard New 52 re-design with that of those Arkham videogames, and I kind of hate his Penguin. I don't get why so many artist draw that character simply as a little fat guy in a nice suit or tux all the time. Where's the monocle? The tophat? The umbrella? The guy is packign tons of heat, even a utility belt, but he's leaning on some kind of machine gun, rather than an umbrella-shaped machine gun? For shame, Capullo; for shame.

To be fair, at the opening of the next chapter, we do see The Penguin in the fray, fighting with an umbrella.

...

Wait, how the hell did all of these guys get out of Arkham Manor and/or Blackgate at the same time...?

Oh Batman, you are the worst crimefighter.

–"Here's the facts"...? Surely Batman would say "Here are the facts" instead, wouldn't he?


–I am enjoying the aftermath of this storyline, which you probably all know, even if you haven't been reading Batman. To fill the void left by Batman, who did die a death of sorts at the climax of "Endgame," The Gotham City Police Department hired James Gordon to wear a high-tech Batman battle-suit with dumb ears to be the new, officially-sanctioned Batman of Gotham City.

I like this because it was and is so incredibly unexpected. Rather than Dick coming back to don the suit, or Jason or Tim taking a turn, or even Julia Pennyworth (my first guess for who the new Batman would be, when DC first teased images of the robot Batman suit), Snyder went with one of Batman's oldest allies...and the least likely to ever go masked crimefighter. (Well, least likely aside from Alfred Pennyworth.)

It's outside the box, but it's outside the box in a completely unexpected way. Like, I would have imagined Superman, Aquaman, J'onn J'onnz or El Gaucho putting on a Batman suit before I would have imagined a Jim Gordon-as-Batman-by-way-of-Robocop scenario.

What you might not know if you've only paid marginal attention is that Bruce Wayne did not physically die, but came back to life...albeit with a sort of amazing amnesia. Essentially, his brain is completely different than it was before he "died." I think his wounds must have been healed by the miracle goop in the pool beneath Gotham somehow, but a side effect is that Bruce Wayne has no memory of having ever been Batman...and has lot all of his fighting and detective skills to boot.

But he got a beard in the bargain.

The result is that, as I believe Snyder has framed it a few times, a story about "What if Batman died, and Bruce Wayne came back to life?"

Not only does it mean that Snyder, Capullo and company are doing something completely different and new with Batman, but they've painted themselves into the same kind of corner that the Superman office has done with the other half of the World's Finest, by revealing Superman's secret identity to the world. It should prove incredibly challenging to un-do.

In both cases, I have to imagine they already have their outs planned, as Gordon can't be Batman forever, nor can Superman's secret identity be publicly known forever, but, as a reader, it's difficult to imagine easy solutions that are still dramatically satisfying for these problems, which is something of a feat. The characters have been around so long that there's no real tension or suspense in whether or not they'll ever die during their many dangerous adventures against deadly foes, and even if these particular situations are known to be temporary, the hows they get out of them does make for genuinely compelling questions.



*You know, I actually have no idea how Damian's resurrection must fit into this story. Damian is clearly not present in the story at all, so he is presumably still dead, or dead-ish, during the events of "Endgame." But since Batman "dies" during the "Endgame," then his resurrection story in the pages of Batman and Robin must have occurred prior to this, right? Huh. I haven't read those trades yet, so I'm not exactly sure of the hows of Damian's return to life, but I can't synch these two story arcs up.

Marvel Cinematic Universe Wish Lists

"Do you want to see my Marvel Cinematic Universe wishlist?" my friend asked me at work the other day.

"No, not really," I responded.

She didn't take "No, not really" for an answer though, and not long after presented me with this sticky note.

I picked up a pencil and went over it with her for a minute or two.

"Did you just throw that away?" she asked.

"No, I recycled it."

"Don't! You have to write about it on your blog."

I did not intend to, but a few minutes later I decided to fish it out of the paper recycling box, as by that point I found myself cycling through my own wish list of things I'd like to see in the so-called "Marvel Cinematic Universe," a phrase I still have a hard time saying out loud with a straight face. Plus, it would be a quick and easy post for a night when I would rather not work too long or hard on a EDILW post. (Like tonight; I mean, I just got Batman Vol. 7: Endgame, and I'd really rather read that comic book than write about other comic books tonight, if that's cool with everyone.)

I scribbled my own thoughts on a scrap of paper, and presented them to her.

A few minutes later, I remembered two other, older MCU "wishes" I had, and scribbled those on another sheet of paper, leaving blank spaces for her feedback. And then I remembered another, which I've mentioned here to you guys before, but maybe not to her in person.

So let's review these, together, because I want to go read Endgame.

My friend's wish list is on the pink sticky note above (Pink? Way to live up to stereotypes!). It has four bullet points.

The first is Lady Sif shows up on Agent Carter. I made a semi-circle around that, because that seems plausible. Sif showed up on Agents of SHIELD right, and I think they met in a recent SHIELD comic Marvel published that had nothing to do with Secret Wars, a rarity this year. I like Hayley Atwell, I like Jaimie Alexander and I like Agent Carter okay (I only watched the last half or so, but it was a good half). And Asgardians are immortal, so Sif can show up in the 1950s, right?

The next is 1970s Ms. Marvel Film, Carol Danvers/Peggy Carter starting SHIELD. My friend has talked excitedly about this before, but she basically wants them to forget the whole Danvers-as-Captain Marvel-in-space movie and just adapt the first chunk of Essential Ms. Marvel into a movie. That, for the record, is set in the 1970s (when it was first published, obviously), and featured J. Jonah Jameson trying to hire Danvers to write a woman's magazine or pull-out or something for The Daily Bugle about recipes and apron fashion, and she turned it into a women's lib thing and out-negotiated him salary-wise (If they did make a movie with that character and that costume, they would have to cast a lady with great abs, I guess...although I don't know, were abs a thing in the '70s? I hope they cast Julianne Hough, because I love her, she has great abs and my friend hates her). My friend wants more superhero period pieces; based on how watchable Agent Carter is compared to Agents of SHIELD or those DC shows, I agree. Could this happen? Sure, why not? J. Jonah Jameson is also immortal.

The other half of the slash is something Marvel will probably get around to eventually; Peggy starting SHIELD. We see some hints of that in the Ant-Man part set in the 1980s, right? My friend thinks they should combine them, so that Ms. Marvel is one of Peggy's first superhero recruits, and they fight evil together.

As you can see, I crossed out the first half, assuming it will never happen (they're still going ahead with a Captain Marvel in space movie, right? And I assume any movie with a "Ms. Marvel" will feature Kamala Khan, the interesting Ms. Marvel). I circled the second half though, as that seems like a thing that will happen somewhere...maybe on TV, if not on film.

Next? Jessica Jones/Matt Murdock show up in Ant-Man 2.

"Why?" I asked, and she said there was precedent, as Jessica dated Scott Lang in Alias, which I had forgotten (having read it monthly when it first came out and never, ever reread), whereas she just read all of Alias in preparation for the awesome-looking Jessica Jones Netflix series.

Her final point was Agents of SHIELD/Guardians crossover (ship Daisy/Star-Lord!)"

I had some questions, mostly along the lines of "Huh?" and "Why?", but I think it amounts to her loving those two characters, and Kitty Pryde not existing in the MCU. I'm not a fan of Daisy, thanks to Brian Michael Bendis' Secret War, which is the worst. That explains my scribbles.

So then I countered with this, a few minutes later:

That first one is MCU Defenders/MCU Avengers War. Meaning the Netflix "Defenders" (Daredevil, Jessica Jones, Luke Cage and...Iron Fist, I think...?) vs. the movie Avengers. Maybe Doctor Strange can gather those Defenders to battle the Avengers for, like, magic reasons; that would put at least one real Defender in the Defenders camp, right? Also, I'd just kinda like to see Krysten Ritter punching out Chris Evans and Chris Hemsworth and wrestling The Hulk. Hey, who wouldn't?

That is followed immediately by "Classic" Defenders Movie which would be a movie with Dr. Strange, The Hulk, Namor, Silver Surfer and some hangers-on...maybe put Sif in for Valkyrie, and hire some sad-sack to play Nighthawk. This will never happen, of course; not only is "Defenders" being repurposed to the New York City-based, street-level heroes of the Netflix series, but the rights to Namor and Silver Surfer are tied up at other studios. Of course, Universal doesn't seem to be moving to make a Namor movie, and Fox fucked up the Fantastic Four so bad last time that maybe they'll give Marvel Studios back the Silver Surfer for, like, $50 or something.

Next? Champions" TV series. You know, Black Widow, Iceman, Angel, Ghost Rider and Hercules*. Yes, I know that 3/5ths of the team aren't really in the MCU, as Sony owns Ghosty and the X-guys are with Fox for now, but surely all of the studio heads and lawyers can agree that a Champions project is so awesome it has to happen eventually (actually, I think Marvel lost the rights to use the title "Champions," didn't they...? That's why the series from early in Matt Fraction's Marvel career had to be re-titled The Order, right?). I think this should be a TV series–and not a classy, well-made Netflix one, but a cheap ABC series–because I think that premise really just screams "old-world network television," doesn't it? They'd have to re-cast, of course, as I don't think they could get Scarlet Johansson or Old Man Nic Cage to do a TV show...

That is followed by Legion of Monsters movie, which I think is pretty self-explanatory (probably wanna include Blade and/or Elsa Bloodstone to human it up a bit), and J. Jonah Jameson/Daily Planet Netflix. I know Sony and Marvel Studios recently worked out a deal so they could import Spidey into the Marvel Cinematic Universe, so I assume the same goes for Spidey's supporting characters? How great would a show set in the offices of The Daily Bugle be...? (Yes, I put "Daily Planet" on my sticy note...but she didn't even notice! Ha ha! It's hard to keep all these fictional major metropolitan newspapers straight sometimes, you know?).

I assume that Whoever They Get To Play Peter Parker would be too busy being a movie star to appear in a Netflix miniseries, but so what? Same goes for the fact that MCU Ben Urich is, um, indisposed, currently. We really just need J.K. Simmons yelling at people, while Elizabeth Banks comes and goes in a black wig. NO, WE CAN'T RECAST. J.K. Simmons' J. Jonah Jameson is the most perfect example of a real actor playing a comic book character in the history of comic book film adaptations.

On the side, I later scribbled two other notes.

The first was Secret Avengers! I was thinking of the Ales Kot/Michael Walsh Secret Avengers Vol. 1: Let's Have a Problem that I read last week or so (recommended!). While doing so, I was struck by the fact that the line-up was pretty TV-friendly, as Spider-Woman was the only character with super-powers, and those powers of hers are pretty negligible. That line-up, by the way, is Phil Coulson, Maria Hill, Black Widow, Hawkeye, Nick Fury II, Spider-Woman and MODOK. It read an awful lot like what I imagine a good version of Agengs of SHIELD (the TV show) might be like. About half of that cast already appears in the films, though.

The second was Thor B-Team, which we'll get to later.

A while later, I wrote two other ideas, leaving room for comments:

The first, as you can see, is Invaders?

I included a question mark, because I'm not sure they would use that name, as it is a dumb name for a superhero team. I included the explanation of 1940s Avengers of Captain America, Bucky, Namor, etc.

Basically Avengers, but set somewhere in the middle of Captain America: The First Avenger.

My friend's response was a simple frowny face, and I guess including Spitfire or even Peggy Carter (sans old lady make-up!) wouldn't turn that frown upside down.

My other one was (Peggy Carter's pre-Avengers), referring to a team set in the flashbacks of Ant-Man, back when the original Ant-Man and The Wasp were fighting America's Cold War enemies in secret for SHIELD. Then I added Secret Avengers? because what else would you call that team? Marvel already owns and uses the term "Secret Avengers," and that team would was/would have been literally secret Avengers.

My suggested line-up was Ant-Man Michael Douglas, '70s Captain Marvel, The Wasp...?

"I assume you mean Mar-Vel?" she asked, and I said, "No, Carol Danvers," and so she corrected my note. Stupid Captains Marvels! It's so hard keeping all 50 of you straight!

As for others in the line-up, she suggested Sif (she likes Sif a lot, in case you couldn't tell), as well as Howard/The Howling Commandos, referring, of course, to Howard Stark and the Dum Dum Dugan lead team from Captain America: The First Avenger and Agent Carter.

Also, T'Chaka, Black Panther's dad, The Black Panther.

I don't know. Maybe Ant-Man I, The Wasp I (Evangeline Lily can even play her own character's mom!), Old Man Dum Dum Dugan and some "period" superheroes...maybe Gorilla-Man...? Let's all give this some thought, readers and Marvel Studios.

Finally, there's this, which I've talked to both you and my friend about before:

Since the most interesting characters and actors in the two Thor movies have been the sidekicks and villain, I'd really rather see a Thor movie without Thor, Jane Foster or Odin. So Jane's sidekick Kat Dennings teaming up with Thor's pals Sif and the Warriors Three to fight Loki or something.

My friend overruled Loki though, as we've seen enough of him, and would rather see Enchantress. Also, she wants Beta Ray Bill in the movie. I don't know about that; I think Beta Ray Bill is going to be one of those characters like MODOK, where when he finally appears in a Marvel Cinematic Universe movie we'll be approaching some kind of critical mass of superhero movies, a sort of, "Can we take any more?" sort of situation.

The terrible thing about this game, however, is it can go on forever. I mean, I didn't even mention Fin Fang Foom, who just now occurred to me! It must suck being the person in charge of all this shit in real life. Like, it's easy to to think of ideas for characters and teams to rearrange and stick in films and TV shows, but it takes forever to actually make them. So, if you're the guy who's thinking "Moon Knight Netflix series" or "Agents of Atlas movie," it's not something that, even if green-lit immediately, could conceivably be made until 2020 or something, and by that time you'll have had time to think of 100,000 other ideas.

It must be crazy-making...but I guess that person is well-paid, and there are certainly worse jobs to have. I mean, we just did this shit for free, you know?



*Actually, I do hope Hercules shows up in the Marvel Cinematic Universe somewhere eventually; a Thor/Hercules team is a buddy movie waiting to happen, you know? Hell, maybe they can make that the plot of Thor 4, since the Thor movies are all so boring anyway.